Is not showing affection to your son a problem?

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by WmMeeker

The years do not make a difference. You have to raise a male child to manhood. Manhood means you keep control at all times over your emotions. You do not display them to others. To do so makes a man weak. Men who cry or have temper tantrums in front of others are not real men. Not at all. And their lives will not be lives of accomplishments.

That is one of the saddest things I have ever read in my life. And seeking that version of "strength" steals the opportunity to pursue REAL strength.

My daughter needed to be rushed to the ER because she had ceased breathing except in very dangerous little gasps. My son was also there. I was not. DH got her to the hospital, soothed DS' fear with his own calm confidence. He performed all the correct medical interactions and kept both of the kids calm and confident, despite the roiling in his own belly.

Then when the risk was past, when we were home, he cried like a little baby. The fear that had filled him that he could lose his little girl came out, the relief that she was safe. Not one of us thought he was weak.

[LibraGirl123]

Originally Posted by somebodynew

That is one of the saddest things I have ever read in my life. And seeking that version of "strength" steals the opportunity to pursue REAL strength.

My daughter needed to be rushed to the ER because she had ceased breathing except in very dangerous little gasps. My son was also there. I was not. DH got her to the hospital, soothed DS' fear with his own calm confidence. He performed all the correct medical interactions and kept both of the kids calm and confident, despite the roiling in his own belly.

Then when the risk was past, when we were home, he cried like a little baby. The fear that had filled him that he could lose his little girl came out, the relief that she was safe. Not one of us thought he was weak.

Totally agree with you! (Tried to rep you, but got the message that I have to "spread it around".)

[WmMeeker]

Originally Posted by somebodynew

That is one of the saddest things I have ever read in my life. And seeking that version of "strength" steals the opportunity to pursue REAL strength.

My daughter needed to be rushed to the ER because she had ceased breathing except in very dangerous little gasps. My son was also there. I was not. DH got her to the hospital, soothed DS' fear with his own calm confidence. He performed all the correct medical interactions and kept both of the kids calm and confident, despite the roiling in his own belly.

Then when the risk was past, when we were home, he cried like a little baby. The fear that had filled him that he could lose his little girl came out, the relief that she was safe. Not one of us thought he was weak.

I don't see the problem here. Your son did exactly what a REAL man does. He does not cry, cuss, yell and swear in public. What he does in his own home among himself and his immediate family, that is perfectly OK. It is the way he acted during the emergency. He stayed cool, stayed factual and did not scream at the doctors or cry and wine. Soldiers come home from war. They don't cry in the airport. They wait until they get home. That is what a real man does. Your son is a real man. Congradulations on a job well done.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by JohnAMS

My son is 2 years old. I've never been very close to him especially because he's already asleep when I get home most days and he's still asleep when I leave him the morning.

I don't tolerate bad behaviour or impoliteness. I certainly won't be raising a spoiled brat like you see around so much these days. He knows that when I say no or tell him to stop, he'll suffer consequences if he doesn't comply. He does most of the time, though.

However, I notice that when he sees his mother at the end of the day, he spontaneously goes running to her for a hug whereas when he comes to me, he always looks down and asks if he can give me a kiss.

I thought this was normal and I think you shouldn't make him feel too at ease because his mother babies him so much already. However, my partner told me to watch carefully how he acts around me. She says he acts like a little soldier and not like a small boy around his father.

She also says she doesn't understand how I've never told him I love him. I mean, I never thought about it that way or that he would care much about it since she already smuggles him with hugging and kissing.

Do you think that it makes a difference him?

At first I wanted to simply call you a monster. Now I just want to shake you by the lapels and slap sense into you.

To a two-year-old you are everything to him. His model for living. Do you not understand this? Boys at that age look up to their fathers with a sense of awe, and you have nothing more for him than that? The most tender, beautiful time of his life and you act in such a sterile, unfeeling way towards him?

My God, he's two. You don't make disciplined children with an iron fist and list of rules as long as your arm. You teach children discipline through loving example. As a father of two teenaged boys, let me assure you that there will be time enough when he's 12 or 13 to cross swords. But today, all you have to do is bask in his adulation, for he considers you to be the greatest person in his life.

Take whatever pet theories you have about raising sons and dispense with them right away. And just love your children. If you just do that, everything else kind of takes care of itself.