Is not showing affection to your son a problem? (boys, 2 year old, tantrum)
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If you're going to be raising a child like a soldier, then yes, it's not surprising that he'll be acting 'like a little soldier' around you. He 'asks' if he can give you a kiss?? He clearly doesn't feel comfortable or secure with you. You're raising him to think of you as a drill sergeant, to fear you, not to love you. Do you even care about this child at all? Do you want a relationship with him when he's older? Do you want to be close? Or do you just not care? BTW, plenty of fathers leave early and work late, but that doesn't automatically prevent them from being close with their kids.
Of course I care about him, otherwise we wouldn't have had him. I just want him to be a respectable citizen one day. What you see in today's youth causes shivers down my spine. Yes, he asks me if he can give me a kiss because I might be with my laptop taking care of rather important issues and he knows he shouldn't disturb me in those situations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie
Your son is only 2! That's still a baby! And you're afraid to SPOIL him with hugs and kisses??!!!
You can still be firm and discipline and enforce consequences, AND show affection and love at the same time. One doesn't exclude the other - children need to know they're still loved even when they're being disciplined.
Newsflash: You can't "spoil" a child by showing them love. Gah.
His mother already gives him so much kissing and hugging that I thought that's more than enough for a child.
Of course I care about him, otherwise we wouldn't have had him. I just want him to be a respectable citizen one day. What you see in today's youth causes shivers down my spine. Yes, he asks me if he can give me a kiss because I might be with my laptop taking care of rather important issues and he knows he shouldn't disturb me in those situations.
His mother already gives him so much kissing and hugging that I thought that's more than enough for a child.
His mother already gives him so much kissing and hugging that I thought that's more than enough for a child.
If your aim is only to raise a respectable citizen, then sure, your set up is fine.
You need to define what kind of bond you want with your son. If you want a loving, open and respectful relationship-- then listen to your wife and show your son all these traits. You need to do your part with being affectionate. Touch is very important and does a lot to establish trust.
My son is 2 years old. I've never been very close to him especially because he's already asleep when I get home most days and he's still asleep when I leave him the morning.
However, I notice that when he sees his mother at the end of the day, he spontaneously goes running to her for a hug whereas when he comes to me, he always looks down and asks if he can give me a kiss.
What a pathetic excuse for not wanting to be a part of your young sons life.....He looks down because he's afraid of you....He runs at his mother for hugs and kisses cause he knows she loves him...something he doesn't know about you....don't worry, before you know it he'll grow up and be gone, and you won't have to bother with him anymore....just don't be too put-out when he doesn't have the time for you either.
Do you ever play with your little boy, and have fun with him? Does he ever get to go to the park with you and have you push him while he swings? Do you take him to the zoo, the library, the beach, the pool?? Do you go for walks? Does he ever ride on your shoulders? Do you read him stories? Do you sing to and with him? Do you encourage him to ask you questions, and give him simple answers he can understand? "I'm busy now - go do something else" doesn't count.
If not, why not? These simple, everyday things are part of being a good, present, and loving parent.
Creating a strong, loving, trusting relationship with one another is what you would do well to focus on now, rather than worrying about what sort of adult your little boy will become many years in the future. Of course you want him to be well-behaved, and that's fine - but it would also be desirable for him to be warm, affectionate, happy, able to establish trust and to feel secure and loved and protected. That's far more important for a little two-year-old child right now, and that is the foundation of his eventually becoming a happy, secure, trustworthy adult who can establish sound relationships with others.
How do you want him to remember you when he thinks back to his childhood in the years to come? As a distant disciplinarian, or as a loving, caring and involved daddy?
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