What's the appropriate amount of affection for a teen girl and her dad? (teens, support)
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I'm new to this board and my name is Sarah. I've been dealing with an issue lately. My husband has always been very affectionate with our teen daughter. She's what I guess you would call a daddy's girl. She like to sit on his lap and he does give her hugs and kisses regularly. Well she going to turn 13 in a couple of months and she's started to develop. She's beginning to grow breasts and pubic hair and is becoming more interested in boys. Coinciding with this is the fact that she no longer wants to sit on her dads lap and become embarrassed if he wants to kiss her.
My husband is naturally hurt by all this. I tell him that she'll get over it and time and he can hug her and kiss her on the cheeks again but she probably won't sit on his lap (although I must say that I've seen teen girls and even some women in their 20s sit on their dads lap). So what it boils down to is this, what is the appropriate kind of affection between a teenage girl and her dad?
I'm sorry your husband is hurt, but he shouldn't take it personally. Your daughter is at the stage of life where she's transitioning away from parents as her primary focus, to her peers, and hormones are kicking into high gear.
Ask him to think back to when he was 13 and whether he would have been comfortable hugging and kissing his mom as a teenage boy. It's an awkward stage to be at, still a child, but on the road to young adulthood, gaining independence.
It's tough but a natural phase she's going through. Cuddling with dad on the couch might go away but a hug and kiss goodnight may not likely stop.
I'm new to this board and my name is Sarah. I've been dealing with an issue lately. My husband has always been very affectionate with our teen daughter. She's what I guess you would call a daddy's girl. She like to sit on his lap and he does give her hugs and kisses regularly. Well she going to turn 13 in a couple of months and she's started to develop. She's beginning to grow breasts and pubic hair and is becoming more interested in boys. Coinciding with this is the fact that she no longer wants to sit on her dads lap and become embarrassed if he wants to kiss her.
My husband is naturally hurt by all this. I tell him that she'll get over it and time and he can hug her and kiss her on the cheeks again but she probably won't sit on his lap (although I must say that I've seen teen girls and even some women in their 20s sit on their dads lap). So what it boils down to is this, what is the appropriate kind of affection between a teenage girl and her dad?
You and your husband should follow your daughter's lead on this. If she doesn't want to sit on his lap or have him kiss her, he shouldn't. This is important because she needs to feel like her feelings about her personal space are respected. Someday some guy is going to try to cop a feel or put her in a position that makes her uncomfortable and she needs to have the self-confidence to tell him to back off. If your husband follows her cues now, it will help her trust her instincts later.
While it can be hard on us for our kids to grow up, it's important to let them do so.
If you post this question on the Parenting forum, or ask the mods to move it, you'll probably get more responses.
I have a teenaged daughter who is now 18. I completely and utterly adore her, but I got over it. It's just part of life. Children grow up and start making their way in the world.
I would agree with the previous poster that said to follow her lead with this. She's not a little girl anymore and likely acutely aware of her developing body. Sitting on dad's lap would certainly be a bit uncomfortable right now for her. Kisses on the cheek? I was ok with that through the early teen years with my dad...I kissed him goodnight like that until I left home. I do remember that my dad and I started "fist bumping" around this time. Sounds odd, but it was something only he and I did and "our" thing. We still do it when we see each other (after the hugging, of course...no awkwardness now with hugging him).
Now is a very important time for your husband to "grow" with your daughter. If he stubbornly holds to old habits or makes her feel bad that she won't continue to snuggle, he is going to put distance between then that will last a lifetime. He needs to put away his own feelings.
Some girls remain daddy's girls for life (I'm one...I love my dad fiercely and have always admired him), but what happens in the next bit of time will make the difference long-term.
As to a direct answer to your posted question...everyone is different. Depends on how you are raised, what your family does normally, different personalities, etc... there is no simple answer to your question. Hugging I would consider normal, her leaning on his shoulder to watch a movie on the couch I would consider normal, a peck on the cheek or lips I would consider normal. (Normal to me means that I wouldn't think it odd to see a father and early teen girl doing any of these things).
After the first few months of life, mushiness from fathers should stop. It's absolutely creepy.
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