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And the OPs in this thread and the other one have no control over whether the parents in these cases will ultimately choose to parent, abort, or adopt out.
Tell them to get married and tell him to join the military. he will receive a living allowance to pay their rent and might start out as an e-3/e-4 depending on his branch. she might be able to finish school then.
Tell them to get married and tell him to join the military. he will receive a living allowance to pay their rent and might start out as an e-3/e-4 depending on his branch. she might be able to finish school then.
You know that's not a bad idea. But I can't force them into anything. I can only make decisions for me and my own house.
You know that's not a bad idea. But I can't force them into anything. I can only make decisions for me and my own house.
Yes. This isn't about them, it's about you. You need to do what keeps YOU healthy and sane. They are adults, as witness their ability to create a baby.
You have heard good suggestions here. You might pass them along, verbatim. But this is NOT your problem. Don't destroy your marriage over an issue surrounding your adult daughter and her boyfriend.
What do the boys parents suggest?
I would suggest a sit down, tell them you are not being mean, but that living under your roof is not an option. Ask the boy what he plans to do to support his child? It is not in any way cruel to have them find a place, get jobs, and get on with life.
It doesn't mean you love your daughter and (potential) son in law any less; it means that they have adult decisions to make, just like they made an adult decision to have a baby.
that's true. maybe you can suggest it to him, as he will also get valuable experience that will help him later in his welding career. honorable discharges from the military help make people super employable bc it shows work ethic. plus, they can probably afford for her to stay home/finish school with the fact that he will receive the extra living allowance for rent as well as his salary. Also, do not forget the health benefits that the family will receive, which can be pretty expensive when getting it through your employer for the whole family. if he joins the navy, it won't be so dangerous. with the army, it is a bit more dangerous, but from what i've seen in the area i've lived in is that they promote a bit faster. it's tough to get into the coast guard right now and they promote slow, so i'd avoid that branch.
guess i just wanted to say there are options for them that i would suggest they look into before i would suggest abortion/adoption. those are personal choices and it's easy to say someone should do that, but it's a tougher thing to be the one doing them.
I'm sorry that you're going through this emotional trauma. And while I respect and appreciate you're desire to do all you can to help your daughter, you have to accept the fact that she made the decision to have sex, knowing beforehand that she was taking the risk of getting pregnant. . . it was her choice and now she must make choices as to what she will do to support and raise her child. You cannot do that for her, even as much as you'd like to.
There is nothing you can make her do - she is an adult. The only person you can control is yourself. You can be emotional support for her, but that's as far as it goes.
It's her call, and her b/f's if he steps up the the plate.
I'm going to try. She is only six weeks along. I know many people don't believe in it but there are instances where I'm glad it's available.
Encouraging her to have an abortion will not make it more likely that she will have one. She may later despise you for suggesting it. That is a very personal decision and I am sure that she is already aware of that option.
Seriously, my suggestion is tell her she can either have an abortion or place the child for adoption. Placing the child for adoption would be my first choice.
Make it clear if she keeps the child--despite your wishes--she can't live in the home and very little in the way of family assistance will be provided. More importantly, make her believe you are serious when you say this.
This sounds pretty strong, but any other message than this is going to be interpreted by her as support for a decision to keep and parent the child. People hear what they want to hear. It seems evident to me that this is clearly what she wants. This is not an optimal situation for that. She is likely to require both assistance from her family and the taxpayers.
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