I actually find it disturbing how (over) protective some parents get with their daughters (single mom, 13 year old)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
you want kids to genuinely not want to disappoint you,
This.
That's twice in two days I've agreed with txtqueen. The total solar eclipse that will bring on the zombie apocalypse will commence in 5.....4.....3....
Is it just me or is this just a case of people taking things WAAAAAY too seriously? For all of the dads who have made comments about owning a gun, a shovel, and piece of land in the boonies, cleaned firearms in front of a potential boyfriend, etc... How many cases do we see in the news about fathers ACTUALLY attacking/killing their daughter's dates over some perceived slight or improper behavior? Not many. Lighten up people, it's a joke. Even Rodney Atkins adds the line "It's all for show, ain't nobody gonna get hurt" at the end of this song:
As the father of a daughter (not yet two) I plan to teach HER how to handle herself as well as firearms, fix things, hunt, fish, play sports, or do whatever else she puts her mind to. In our house everyone does everything. My wife and I both cook, clean, laundry, do yardwork, etc... Sure, there are some things that I know how to do (I'm pretty mechanically inclined) that she doesn't, so I work on the cars and fix things around the house, but she's not helpless, and my daughter won't be either.
Like most humor, this "joke" sprouted from truth. We do live in a patriarchal society and this "joke" illustrates it perfectly.
You don't get it. Dad letting a guy know he'd better not mess wiyh his daughter is completely unrelated to whether daughter is independent. Are you a woman oe or man? I'm a woman and men respect strength. Period. A loser will think twice about trying a young lady if he knows he will have to deal with another man but he's much less concerned if there is no repercussion , if you will. The other reality is that the point of the unspoken threat is to keep the young lady from having to be subjected to x. To head it off. I'm an independent woman but would much rather not be mishandled than to be mishandled and have to defend myself. I think any woman would feel the same. This is all about prevention.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
Hmmm... All these dads who see themselves as some sort of screening service when their daughters are dating could raise their daughters to be strong, smart, independent women who are perfectly capable of knowing who they want to date and who they don't. These dads could make sure sure their daughters know how to protect themselves out there in the world. These dad could raise daughters who know how to handle themselves no matter where they are and who they are with. Like when they're away college. Or in the Peace Corps. Or travelling across Europe or Asia experiencing life. Or studying for a semester 6,000 miles from home.
Naaahhh. Then they don't get to play Big Daddy. And it's a lot of work raising a daughter, since it starts in toddler-hood, who can say, "No" and mean it to the point the guy she's dating knows he's dealing with a strong, smart, independent woman. Whom strong, smart, independent men tend to like. But then strong, smart, independent men tend to not like having the Big Daddy types strutting around in the background. So they're eliminated in Round 1.
I agree. In my late 30s, I guess I'm old-fashioned bc I actually LIKE feeling ptotected by my Dad. Some women don't mind men trying to protect them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinytrump
Are you kidding me?? best put the fear of God in some of these guys, there are no morals left, daddy better raise his head from the newspaper or football game and give an audible threat to never harm his daughter in anyway to the incoming suitor. why> cause guys GET it,,, and if the gal loved the boy she sure don't want to lose the boy she loves by daddy throwing out as far as he can throw him. It's about raising a standard- and depending on the situation,,, it may be a fierce one.
You don't get it. Dad letting a guy know he'd better not mess wiyh his daughter is completely unrelated to whether daughter is independent. Are you a woman oe or man? I'm a woman and men respect strength. Period. A loser will think twice about trying a young lady if he knows he will have to deal with another man but he's much less concerned if there is no repercussion , if you will. The other reality is that the point of the unspoken threat is to keep the young lady from having to be subjected to x. To head it off. I'm an independent woman but would much rather not be mishandled than to be mishandled and have to defend myself. I think any woman would feel the same. This is all about prevention.
If the men you know only respect physical strength and what keeps them from behaving inappropriately is the fear of dealing with a disgruntled father, then you need to find a better group of males to hang with. I wouldn't call that particular example "men". Real men (of any age) behave appropriately because it's the right thing to do, not because someone's father/brother/neighbor is scary.
This is exactly the type of relat I have with my Dad for these exact reasons and I still considered myself a feminist and am one of the smartest, most indep women I know.I would travel in another by myself in the past with no problem for example. Being smart means admitting and knowing what you do AND do NOT know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens
Smart includes recognizing their own lack of experience and recognizing the benefit of getting other opinions. It is not about being a helpless female, it is about having the wisdom and courage to draw on the knowledge and experiences of others. Not just dad. They will look to the reaction of their four siblings and mom as well. They are strong smart independent women, but they are smart enough to know what they do not know. They also get my opinion when buying a car, choosing a college, planning a party. . . . When it comes time to buy a house, they will rely heavily on my opinions and expertise. Not doing so is not smart - it is dumb.
They are readily as smart as me, and considerably above average per college testing, IQ tests and the like.
I am very good at determining when someone is lying. Why? It is part of my job. I have been doing it for 25 years (longer than they have been alive). I am usually a very good judge of character. Why? I have a lot of experience with persons of both good and bad character. They have only a little and realize that. I know a lot about how teenage boys and young men think and act. Why? Because I was one and so were almost all my friends. I spent hundreds of hours hanging out with guys and talking about how we thought and felt about girls. They have spent less then 50 hours doing that and guys talking to girls are guarded. Not so when hanging out with the guys. Thus, I have a much better understanding of guys than they do, or probably ever will.
They also come to me for advice and/or understanding when they have problems in their relationships. Why, because they know I may have experience with the situation, and/or I will have an objective outlook. They may wonder if they are beaing reasonable or ridiculous. An opinion form someone with more experience, some objectivity and a guys perspective can be very helpful to understanding a situation and finding a solution. That does not make them weak, it makes them smart.
If the men you know only respect physical strength and what keeps them from behaving inappropriately is the fear of dealing with a disgruntled father, then you need to find a better group of males to hang with. I wouldn't call that particular example "men". Real men (of any age) behave appropriately because it's the right thing to do, not because someone's father/brother/neighbor is scary.
Unless it inconveniences you in some way, you have no business being worried about it should you. Attractive women get hit on several times a day and do you know how far guys will go aside from words but with actions?? Also, when I was 13 my boyfriend was 16 lets just say he go 2nd degree sexual assault as a charge. This is a serious deal weather any young lady goes along with it or not she usually is misguided or has self esteem issues, I applaud any parent who takes the time to be involved and make it be knows they are involved in their daughter's life, that daughter will be less likely to go down a wrong path in life and avoid much pain although seems like a hindrance in some ways and whats meant to happen still might, I see nothing wrong with being overprotective. Ive seen a lot of things happen in life that people assume will never happen to them, its best to always prepare and use prevention in any case. Who thinks about this that much to post about it anyway??
You don't get it. Dad letting a guy know he'd better not mess wiyh his daughter is completely unrelated to whether daughter is independent. Are you a woman oe or man? I'm a woman and men respect strength. Period. A loser will think twice about trying a young lady if he knows he will have to deal with another man but he's much less concerned if there is no repercussion , if you will. The other reality is that the point of the unspoken threat is to keep the young lady from having to be subjected to x. To head it off. I'm an independent woman but would much rather not be mishandled than to be mishandled and have to defend myself. I think any woman would feel the same. This is all about prevention.
I'm a woman and I completely disagree with you. You seem to think women are weaklings, stupid and vapid and unable to protect themselves.
I agree. In my late 30s, I guess I'm old-fashioned bc I actually LIKE feeling ptotected by my Dad. Some women don't mind men trying to protect them.
Think about what being "protected" says about the thing being "protected".
1. It is incapable
2. It is weak
3. It is valuable
Anything, inanimate or alive, that we protect is all three of those things.
You are clearly willing to play the part of the first two in order to feel the third. Women who really are independent and strong don't need to be "protected" to feel valuable. They know their own vale intrinsically. Parents of strong, capable young women know that there are many ways to express our appreciation of them and their value to us without making them weak and incapable.
But what you and everyone else looking to "protect" daughters are saying is not just hat they are valuable (which we all agree on) but hey are also incapable and weak.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
