Is having children over-rated? (orphan, girls, marry, 1 yr old)
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children are wonderful. divorce is awful and a high probability. get a good lawyer 1st not after.
Wow, now that's a positive attitue I got married at 19, everyone said we wouldn't make it. Here we are, 4 kids and 23 years later. It's not always easy, but that's the problem with divorce...so many people just throw in the towel instead of working through the tough times. And going into a marriage with an attitude like that can't be good
Originally Posted by max's mama
I'm sorry, I tried reading your post, but the word "breeders" just bothered me so much, that I couldn't.
I didn't get past the "breeders" part either . Statements & words like this make me assume that what follows isn't worth reading.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sbd78
Agreed, max's mama. I think most parents could care less if someone decides to remain childfree, and even applaud them for being responsible enough to recognize that they aren't cut out for parenting. What most of us parents have a problem with are the minority of childfree people who feel the need to be angry and bitter, and call parents and children insulting names.
I completely agree with this. I've yet to meet any parents who have a negative thing to say about people who choose to remain CF.
Honestly? I haven;t really seen many rude remarks on CD regarding the choice to be CF (seriously...who cares??) but there never seems to be an end to nasty comments about parents & offspring.
I for one think either is a very individual decision that should be respected & not ridiculed.
I didn't get past the "breeders" part either . Statements & words like this make me assume that what follows isn't worth reading.
I completely agree with this. I've yet to meet any parents who have a negative thing to say about people who choose to remain CF.
Honestly? I haven;t really seen many rude remarks on CD regarding the choice to be CF (seriously...who cares??) but there never seems to be an end to nasty comments about parents & offspring.
I for one think either is a very individual decision that should be respected & not ridiculed.
I am not a young woman anymore. And I have met people from just about every walk of life imaginable. But I have to say that, until I started reading some of the messages on the CD boards I had NEVER heard parents referred to as "breeders" or heard babies referred to as "parasites" and "worms" and "invading creatures" before. Both on the parenting board and on the political board there seem to be a group of very angy people who look upon children and those who parent them as evil and the enemy. Now, in real life, I know many, many people who have chosen not to have children and never, never have they expressed this hatred and contempt. They are just normal, nice people. But I must say it is rather frightening to know that there are people out there like those saying these hateful things on the CD boards and I find myself hoping that these people's ideas are well known to those around them so that no one ever, ever leaves a child anywhere near them.
To the OP...
here is an article that I just read in Newsweek. My husband and I have been married for 24 years and have chosen not to have children and are very happy with our decision. We are active in our community, have great friends and are enjoying life and each other. When we spend time with people that have children, we look at their life and think, better them than us... no thanks! This works for us, doesn't mean it works for everyone else, but it is a HUGE decision and should not be taken lightly and people should not have kids, just because they think it is expected of them.
To the OP...
here is an article that I just read in Newsweek. My husband and I have been married for 24 years and have chosen not to have children and are very happy with our decision. We are active in our community, have great friends and are enjoying life and each other. When we spend time with people that have children, we look at their life and think, better them than us... no thanks! This works for us, doesn't mean it works for everyone else, but it is a HUGE decision and should not be taken lightly and people should not have kids, just because they think it is expected of them.
I always found it odd how people spend years searching for the one just to have kids and never really spend time with the one until the kids are all grown up.
In my younger days I had told myself that I wasn't going to have children. I wanted to travel the world, enjoy time with my significant other.... and not have to worry about raising a child. I kept telling myself that this world was to messed up to bring an innocent life into it. Overpopulated as it is. It was a decision my ex and I both made together.... but 12 years after making that statement I decided I did want to be a mother someday. Sadly for my ex... he wasn't the person I wanted to have children with. We weren't married... we were engaged for 10 years; together for 12.
(Don't ask... that's another blog.)
I didn't want to have children until I they had a full-time not weekend daddy/husband. I wanted to be settled.... and secure. I put my career & job aside and did the things I wanted to do. So when I found out that I was pregnant, I didn't feel like I was losing anything but gaining instead. I saw it as a blessing not a curse or burden. 5 years later... I still feel that they are a blessing... even in the hardest times I remind myself that I am truely blessed. I believe that having children is a lifelong decision. A relationship you can walk away from... break up... leave... a marriage you can call it quits, divorce.. whatever... but once you are a parent - you are a parent for life.
I've seen marriages fall apart... & marriages grow stronger once they had families. If the marriage wasn't strong enough in the beginning, having a family will not help it out @ all. When some people decide to have families they put their spouses on the back-burner.... and devote all their time to the children. Spouses needs love and affection too..... a lot of times they get taken for granted... That's why it's important to spend that "quality" time together.... and to remember why you fell in love with each other to begin with. I think this question could be answered better by someone who has "grown" children. Someone that has been through the long haul.... that's the kind of advice you could learn something from I just had to share my thoughts on it.
I am new to this site. I stumbled upon it when I did a web search asking, "how old is too old to have a first child." I am amazed at how many blogs there are about this topic. I felt a very personal connection to your first topic. I am now 33, still unmarried and childless. I did not have the best upbringing and I fear l I don't have what it takes to be a good parent. My boyfriend now (of 4 years) I think feels the same way. I think about having kids and feel that my time is limited. But, I fear making the wrong decision and being "too lazy" to have kid(s) and maybe for other reasons, regretting it and wishing I stuck to my initial gut feeling of not having one. Also, we are tapped out financially. But, I am applying to be a foster parent, because I feel the need to love someone and make my life here useful. Maybe that is my true calling. Or maybe, deep down, I'm desiring a child of my own and I'm trying to fill a void. I'm extremely undecided and would like for someone to offer any advice that may help me put my mind at ease. Should I tell my boyfriend, which may strain our relationship or surprisingly enrich it, that I may want to challenge motherhood? Or, if I have to question it and myself so much, am I better off without?
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I got married at 19, everyone said we wouldn't make it. Here we are, 4 kids and 23 years later. It's not always easy, but that's the problem with divorce...so many people just throw in the towel instead of working through the tough times. And going into a marriage with an attitude like that can't be good 
