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Personally, I go through what I call "baby phases." For a period of time I will really want children and can't hardly wait. Then, I will go through a period of time in which I am not so sure. Being around my friend lately who is down on motherhood, and her marriage, (and being around her kids) has made me think maybe I don't...but that's just one person, and she has created a lot of the problems she is currently having. But then sometimes I think how nice it would be to be able to move across the country whenever and however often my hubby and I wanted to, and how nice it would be to put the $$ we would spend on our children into our retirement and traveling instead. I think if we lived much longer than we do, and if we could have children well up into our 50s and 60s, and still be around long enough to watch our children grow up, and had the energy at those ages to raise children, then it would be a yes for me. But, I am 29 now, and not finished with grad school, have a bit of debt, want to travel and find a great job, etc. but I feel like if I want to have children someday, that my time is starting to run out. It's not a decision I can wait another 15 years or so to make.
It's such a huge huge decision--you can change your mind about having them if you don't already have them, but you can't change your mind once you do have them.
I wonder how people who decided not to have children would respond to this thread. Are they happy? Do they have any regrets? Do they wonder what life would be like with children? Or, are they too busy enjoying their lives, sipping wine, exploring other countries, and working on their career?
I agree with 2kidsforme Being a mom has been the best thing that has happened to me - I love seeing my husband be such a great daddy and being a family - our second is due this winter and I can't wait to see my daughter be a big sister as well We sure enjoyed our childless time, but now look back and think what did we do... life just seems so shallow now looking back!
I agree with 2kidsforme Being a mom has been the best thing that has happened to me - I love seeing my husband be such a great daddy and being a family - our second is due this winter and I can't wait to see my daughter be a big sister as well We sure enjoyed our childless time, but now look back and think what did we do... life just seems so shallow now looking back!
Best answer thus far..we are expecting our third girl in september..and I cannnot imagine life(even as crazy as it gets and alllll the draammmmaa that kids go throw these days) without them..
BUT if you dont think you are cut out for it..do yourself a favor and dont bring a child into the world "out of obligation"..seen plenty of those moms and parents..and they dont turn out that great.
Having children is not for everyone. I for one admire someone who is honest enough with him/her self to realize that they are not parent material. I feel that so many people today who have children go in to it without realizing the hard work it is. For me, having children was very important. I am completely willing to make the sacrifices needed to raise them. Of course at times it puts a strain on my marriage but we have a strong foundation and that is what keeps us working together. I think that there are a lot of selfish, self absorbed parents out there. When the children interfer with "me" time and the nights out with friends, the hair appointments, the nail appointments, the career, the fancy vacation etc. they resent the kids. I can probably count on one hand the amount of "me" time I had in the first 5 years of my children's lives. Even now I feel lucky that I get to go out one night a month to play bunco. Having children is overrated if you are over self centered.
I couldn't have said it better myself!!! Of course, kids do drive us crazy sometimes, but you will never ever in your life know absolute unconditional love until you have a child. A strong foundation is key to having and maintaining a happy healthy life. My husband and I went on a 4 day vacation without our kids for the first time ever on our 10th anniversary. We missed them like crazy - I vowed to never go on vacation without them again!!
Location: here at the the present time, but on my way to heaven to meet my Criator
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Originally Posted by BusySocialWorker
I agree with 2kidsforme Being a mom has been the best thing that has happened to me - I love seeing my husband be such a great daddy and being a family - our second is due this winter and I can't wait to see my daughter be a big sister as well We sure enjoyed our childless time, but now look back and think what did we do... life just seems so shallow now looking back!
I feel the same way. Our childless time was great,but compared to what we have now, it was so shallow.My husband feels the same way. I also feel better as a person. I learned to put other's need ahead of mine if I'm not compromising honesty, integrity, or morals.Exemple: my children feel very cold if we have the AC on all day. So I keep the house between 65 and 70,during the day, and turn it off late at night. It is not that good for my husband and I.My friend came to stay with us for a period of time (something in her life), guess what? She does not care if the children are freezing, if she feels hot she just freezes them. SHE has to be confortable. Was I mad!!!!!!!!But she is a true friend,who stands ffor and by me, rain or shine. Besides freezing my kids she is great, a friend that not a lot people have. I am blessed with her friendship, my kids will not be hurt , just unconfortable and they love her.
Well, we have had three kids, all grown now. I could probably write a book about the experiences, both positive and negative, and all of the cost implications.
Bottom line, it was the best thing to do. Life evolves, and you age. As you progress through life all you really have is your relationships. Possessions are minor, driving a new or upscale car vs modest is really a very minor issue. People and relationships is really your life. Kids allow you to have a new whole set of connections as you move on, including the possibility of grand kids.
Are kids expensive? Sure they are. Are they worth it? Absolutely. Is it inconvenient and limiting in many ways? Sure. Do you get many compensating opportunities? Absolutely.
I would never second guess anyone who doesn't choose to have kids, and I have occasionally had strained relationships with mine, both as kids and adults. Big deal, we get over it and it becomes a growth experience enriching the life of all parties.
Like many have said the choice to have children or not is a personal choice. My sister chose to not have children and had her tubes tied in her 20's. That was probably a good choice for her and she was never maternal, loves to travel, and doesn't like being tied down. I have 4 children and cannot imagine my life without them. Do children change you life drastically? Absolutely! There is nothing you can compare it to. It is not like having a dog you treat as a baby etc. The love you feel is more intense than any you have felt, but it is a 24/7 job, especially when they are young. Parenting can be so fufilling and at the same time can be very tiring and hard. Don't rush into anything. I was in my 30's before I had any of my children. I think it was nice that I was able to live alone and grow as an adult before starting my family. Good luck in your decision.
Yes, it's over rated although I have none. Too many people have them thinking that their kids will take care of them in old age. Wrong. They'll put them in nursing places and do the financial stuff and visit once in a while, but that's it. Least in my culture and family (which is American culture, BTW).
I have pets. Much better on the blood pressure and it's even been scientifically proven.
Now, if I see a baby doll I think would grow up into a sweetheart, fine. But real people are not always like that.
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Being a mom has been the best thing that has happened to me - I love seeing my husband be such a great daddy and being a family - our second is due this winter and I can't wait to see my daughter be a big sister as well 
