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"There's nothing more prescious than a child's laughter. Or contact sports. But anyway, I would agree with a lot of people that it depends on the person. What I can tell you is that from personal experience, there will be people you meet who feel that having a child is a terrible idea."
Perhaps the parents who are extolling the magic that we childfrees will never know could kindly note that perceptions like "Nothing more precious than a child's laughter" means "TO ME" "AS I SEE IT," not as an absolute or a given.
I dislike being around children, and absolutely am repulsed by babies. Of course I am CF- never occurred to me to do otherwise.
I must say to the poster who referred to being CF as a selfish, I say, not so. What is selfish about not having kids? A whole lot of people have kids for utterly selfish reasons. "I want" "I always assumed" "Family name" "Want to be a mommy" and so on. The world hardly needs more people, and if one doesn't have kids, there's likely to be more energy and resources to really take care of others, do charitable work, donate money/time, have a job tha does improve something in the world. If people take care of their kids and raise them as best as possible, salut! But they are only doing what they must, having created children out of their own desires, they should take care of them. Pretty simple.
Needless to say, I have no god beliefs or such that say children are a gift or anything.
I had to register just to say that I totally agree with brightdoglover's post above.
Why must men get constantly manipulated to have things they just don’t want? You get the women who are impatient to have a baby who’s friends tell them "you could just forget the pill", "sure he would be shocked at first but over time he would love it". NO HE WONT, all he will see is that you have deviously trapped him into a situation that he does not want for your own selfish reasons.
Have you done this because you want a baby (regardless of his opinion) or because this in someway traps him to be with you and so makes it harder for him to leave if you lose your looks?
Explain what is so terrible about wanting FREEDOM and to be able to do the things you want in life rather than have some bind restricting what you can and can’t do.
Believe me I know men can be just as terrible but I honestly think for some women its a competition, if one friend has a baby then she has to as well so she has not been out done!
I don’t doubt there are some very positive moments with children such as their first steps or their first words but they seem few and far between and the years of sleepless nights just don’t appeal.
In this very forum is a post about a woman who has 17 kids! Please enlighten me what they are currently contributing to society? That’s 17 lots of social security, welfare and benefits where they are giving nothing back.
As the dad of three grown kids I can tell you that despite my initial reluctance I am really glad my wife convinced me that we should have kids. And there were many times I felt close to homicidal, especially with my middle kid! But everything turned out just fine.
I agree that it is not for everybody, and I certainly respect the sentiments of those not wanting kids, nor thinking they are valuable. Looking down our noses at each other for having, not having or having too many is silly, if we are able to afford to support what we produce.
One of my favorite things about my life is my children. I admit, I was selfish before they came along. I had so much fun being single and childless. I don't lie to people about being a parent, it's not for everyone. It's hard, you will lose sleep, you'll be crabby, but it's really incredible at the same time. I look at my girls and see my husbands eyes the way he loves them... it makes me love him more. I think having children can put a strain on a marriage - you just have to keep giving your spouse attention even if you don't want to. The best thing you can do for your kids (besides the whole love, security thing) is to have a good relationship with your spouse. Being a parent is not underrated in my opinion.
No, you are mistaken. Unconditional love only comes from pets. While you may have missed them like crazy, they may NOT have missed you like crazy. Sorry. Oh, but then you were probably speaking of your love and not necessarily vice versa. Sorry.
Wow, movin'on, i just stumbled on my thread here and what a mean response!! Did I deserve that???? Uh, yes, they did miss me and my husband - they kept calling us all day and telling us how much they missed us and crying and asking us to come home. Why would you write such a rotten thing to me???
Jeez, there wasn't even anything controversial in my post and this person tries to make me feel like crap for loving and missing my kids and them missing us.
Last edited by MonaLisaVito; 09-15-2007 at 10:43 PM..
Well, it's not all bubbly and fun that's for sure. My daughter is my center and she keeps me grounded so I don't want to say it's overrated. People just have to be honest with themselves about kids. It is a huge, life altering experience and some people are cut out for it and some are not. There is nothing wrong with not being cut out for it either.
When I had my tubal ligation last month, I was SHOCKED by the response I got from my friends. I'm only 30, have one 9 year old daughter, and am single. My very wise grandmother always told me to never have more kids than you can take care of by yourself. Well, 1 is enough for me...even my own mother agreed with me. Nobody knows me better than her. I want to see and do stuff other than spending all my time for the biggest part of my life raising kids. If that makes me selfish, so be it. Atleast I'm honest with myself.
I did find a common thread though. The ones that supported what I did, either don't want kids or have kids and actually understand the concept of "personal decision". The ones that don't agree with it and gave me some crap because of it, either don't have kids yet, want to be surrounded by kids and are content with raising kids for the rest of their lives, and/or have a supportive hubby and haven't actually struggled with much.
I don't think people who don't have kids are selfish; rather, they're making the best decision for their hypothetical children by not having them, since people who don't want children are the last ones who should be having them.
My bf and I want children very much; he has two with his soon-to-be-ex but I don't have any. I'm 32, and I think I've waited long enough. I'm glad I didn't have any with my ex because he would have made a terrible father, and I wasn't ready in my mid-late 20s. I'm as ready now as I'll ever be...settled, making good money, lots of money saved up, financially responsible, and ready to give up going out and sleeping late...which I don't really do anymore anyway.
I think that the media has portrayed having children as something that it is not. You know the way they follow famous couples around, or pregnant stars, and sort of romanticize the whole thing; what arey they buying for the nursery, what kind of a baby-moon are they going on. You get it.
I think that we are so obsessed, as a society, with doing things perfectly, we overlook the fact that having children is great, but you really have to be a certain kind of person to, for lack of a better term, handle it. It is so much work.
These days, I think that people have become so focused on the material, that they actually forget that they are raising a human being.
I don't feel that people should take this lightly, and if you are a couple who really likes your freedom and certain comforts, you should really evaluate if you really want to give that up.
I think that the couples who say things like don't do it, are probably people who lived there lives in a very controlled way, who followed the rules, and that kids were just the next thing to do on the checklist of what normal people are supposed to do. It probably looked cute to them. Parenting is messy, and tiring, and makes you grow in ways you never thought you'd have to grow. Mostly, it is about giving up control, and putting someone elses needs before yours (allllll the time) and at the same time trying to give yourself enough so that you don't become an empty well.
As farfetched as this sounds, I am going to say it. We have too many people on this planet of ours. I feel that parenting needs to become a much more serious issue because our children are really suffering. Just too much pressure for them. If someone does not want to have a child, I say, go for it...
Having a child(ren) is work however it also is rewarding. My daughter was not planned and I never considered even having a child but it happened. Her father and I were just dating (on and off). We didn't stay together (not surprising) but we ended up getting back together when she was 4yrs old and ultimately were married We didn't consider having anymore (he has children from other relationships and that is enough for us) and one was fine with me. She keeps me busy and she is the CENTER of everything I do (next to God). I wouldn't go back and change ANYTHING. As far as our marriage is concerned, we were fortunate enough for 2 years to have my Mother living with us, so it allowed for us to have time together alone (dinner; movie; etc.). Now that my Mom is no longer living with us (she's in another State) it's a little more difficult however, we both feel that our daughter is the priority. We share in the responsibilities (drop off/pick up from school; cooking; practices; etc.) and many times I think that he enjoys these things more than I do. We still find time for "us", as they have a late night gym at her gymnastics facility that is done 2x per month (7p-11p) where students can go so that parents can have a few hours to themselves - which keeps the flame burning (we call it a monthly date). We know where our priorities are so I don't think having a child is the "cause" for dividing a relationship/marriage - I think it's merely the person(s) who "cause" the divide. As a previous poster stated, we have a responsibility to our child(ren) but also to our spouse. My sister and her husband of 13 years have 3 children (14; 11; 8) and they both work and are actively involved with at risk youth and their church. They frequently take in wayward children and help with raising them. They are still very much in love, find time for themselves, and actually take 2 vacations every year (1 with children/1 without). Ask me how they find time and still strike a balance I dunno, I tip my hat off and appalud them, because I don't think I could do it
Now there are DEFINITELY people out in the world that ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY should not be bringing children into this world.
Lately, many people I know who are parents have been telling my husband and I, and anyone else who is thinking about having children, not to. They complain about how much it has changed their lives.
Additionally, it seems like many marriages go bad after having kids. The couple grows apart; the priority is the kids and not the marriage. My best friend, who has two younger children (4 and 2) is miserable--her marriage is falling apart, she feels lonely, I believe both her and her husband are having affairs, and she complains constantly about motherhood.
I often wonder if parents are honest with nonparents about parenting. I think parents feel that if they say outloud that they regret having children that that means that they don't love their children; I don't think that's true, but I think it sometimes prevents honesty.
So, is having children overrated? I would love to hear from both parents and people who chose not to have children. How have these decisions affected your life and marriage?
i dont have any kids.
i am divorced since 97.
this has worked out well.
i love kids the innocent ones.
i guess i love innocency in any form.
too often children are used by people
as bargaining chips to extract things from others they
want. dont like that.
stephen s
san diego ca
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We didn't consider having anymore (he has children from other relationships and that is enough for us) and one was fine with me. She keeps me busy and she is the CENTER of everything I do (next to God). I wouldn't go back and change ANYTHING. As far as our marriage is concerned, we were fortunate enough for 2 years to have my Mother living with us, so it allowed for us to have time together alone (dinner; movie; etc.). Now that my Mom is no longer living with us (she's in another State) it's a little more difficult however, we both feel that our daughter is the priority. We share in the responsibilities (drop off/pick up from school; cooking; practices; etc.) and many times I think that he enjoys these things more than I do. We still find time for "us", as they have a late night gym at her gymnastics facility that is done 2x per month (7p-11p) where students can go so that parents can have a few hours to themselves - which keeps the flame burning (we call it a monthly date
I dunno, I tip my hat off and appalud them, because I don't think I could do it
