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I'm 55; childfree, had my tubes tied at 23. Never regretted a day of it.
I've matured nicely, currently live in Asia, have lived on 3 continents in 7 years, working at a job I love with people I care about. I try not to live in the US because I don't like the culture. You can always tell Americans overseas anyway, they're usually the loud ones with the screaming children. (Sorry, but it's been my experience, and I travel a lot).
I take 2 holidays a year, one of them at least a month. I have friends of all ages, all walks of life, all over the world. I laugh and have a lot of fun. I can always learn something new. Got certified to dive last week.
I don't have the encumbrances of children; and I feel sorry for people who had kids so that someone will take care of them when they're old. There's no guarantee of that.
I do know that I have friends who may do that for me, but I doubt I'd choose to live long enough to be a burden on society.
The worst thing anyone can do is have kids and NOT want them.
If a person doesn't want kids and her or his partner agrees, then live your life and do what you want and you should not be judged by anyone. More people need to butt out of other peoples' lives instead of 'passing judgment.'
It's the same for the family who has 4 or 5 or more kids. Why the HECK do you care? It's not your problem or decision.
We get hassled because we just have one kid. We have to live with that guilt over and over. (no siblings/is he weird because he is mostly around adults...).
In the end, do what you want. And if someone has a comment about your lifestyle, tell them to BUTT OUT.
I love my children and have never regretted having them. Do I wish I could have done other things like travel and such...sure! I have always wanted to do that stuff. I had my first child when I was 19. But watching my children fall asleep at night or argue who gets to sit next to me(how many times have you seen adults do that?) makes me realize that God's plan for me is to be a mommy.
I say that those who choose not to be a parent are probably doing everyone a favor by not....there is nothing like having a child with a parent who doesn't want them. Being a teacher, I have seen this happen way too many times. It is quite heartbreaking, really....
I'm 54, had my tubes tied at 30 (couldn't find anyone to do it before then) and knew since I was able to think that I wouldn't be a parent. I knew this the same way straight people know they're straight and gay people know they're gay- it's not a decision, it's an acknowledgment (at least it is for me). I'm sure I lost one great man over it, and I hear he's a loving father to one kid and a bitter angry divorced ex-husband.
I have never wanted the company of children. I see them as detracting from every other aspect of life, and I don't mean "I want to travel and go out to restaurants." I mean one's resources, relationships, quiet, order, adult art and books and reading and thinking and and...
I can't think of any reason why it would ever have changed for me. So, overrated? Not the right question. I do think that "having kids" shouldn't be the default program, as in, "Why don't you want kids?" I think people should be able to answer, "Why do you want kids?" and until those questions are equal, I won't shut up.
It is wonderful if someone decides that he or she wants to have a child. It is also wonderful if someone decides not to have a child. A lot of people have children but do not think of the responsibility envolved and the trouble begins. And some people have children for the wrong reasons which are many.
Lately, many people I know who are parents have been telling my husband and I, and anyone else who is thinking about having children, not to. They complain about how much it has changed their lives.
Additionally, it seems like many marriages go bad after having kids. The couple grows apart; the priority is the kids and not the marriage. My best friend, who has two younger children (4 and 2) is miserable--her marriage is falling apart, she feels lonely, I believe both her and her husband are having affairs, and she complains constantly about motherhood.
I often wonder if parents are honest with nonparents about parenting. I think parents feel that if they say outloud that they regret having children that that means that they don't love their children; I don't think that's true, but I think it sometimes prevents honesty.
So, is having children overrated? I would love to hear from both parents and people who chose not to have children. How have these decisions affected your life and marriage?
With three kids, I believe it is a challenge with immense rewards. It is a challenge to raise kids, to help them be all that they can be. As parents we have a duty to develop them into healthy, well-adjusted, self-reliant adults. This is an immense challenge and requires resourcefulness, patience, creativity, intellect, vigor, integrity, substance, and a tremendous amount of giving and love. It demands much from parents. But in return, there is nothing like the unconditional support and love and of your child, expressed in a multitude of ways over the most minute of events. Overrated? Hardly. It is enriching.
It's overrated to me, but then again, I'm a selfish, childless meanie! Seriously, I am so happy that I decided not to have children. I can live wherever I want. I can come and go as I please without having to make arrangements. I get to spend more time with my family and friends. I have more resources to help my parents. Being a parent would be one of the worst things for me.
With three kids, I believe it is a challenge with immense rewards. It is a challenge to raise kids, to help them be all that they can be. As parents we have a duty to develop them into healthy, well-adjusted, self-reliant adults. This is an immense challenge and requires resourcefulness, patience, creativity, intellect, vigor, integrity, substance, and a tremendous amount of giving and love. It demands much from parents. But in return, there is nothing like the unconditional support and love and of your child, expressed in a multitude of ways over the most minute of events. Overrated? Hardly. It is enriching.
I agree with you completely, however unfortunately today much of what you put into raising children does not produce the results you expect and if your not experiencing the "unconditional support and love of your child, expressed in a multitude of ways over the most minute of events" as you stated it does make having children seem overated.
In most cases you can count on the old saying "garbage in garbage out" however sometimes it's a mystery why some children just turn out the way they do, and with these kids it is very hard to see the joy in it.
BTW I have 4 children and for my situation I honestly have a hard time finding the joy in it.
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Seriously, I am so happy that I decided not to have children. I can live wherever I want. I can come and go as I please without having to make arrangements. I get to spend more time with my family and friends. I have more resources to help my parents. Being a parent would be one of the worst things for me.