Spin off from the nanny thread (daycare, activities, playing, child)
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We did not have a curfew, but we did have no music, except with headphones and no guests after 10 p.m. I she came in after 10, she darned well better come in quietly enough not to wake us or the babies. No I am not her parent, but it is my home and I will not be made miserable, uncomfortable or unhappy in my own home just so that I do not run the risk of encroaching on someone's freedom when they are living in my home. Just because the nanny is not on duty, she was still living in our home and living in our home comes with rules.
She is living in your home because you made that a condition of her employment, because it's convenient to you. She's not living with you because she's homeless and you're being altruistic. Therefore she is entitled to her freedom when she is off duty. Coming in after 10 is not unreasonable for a grown person.
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Originally Posted by Coldjensens
It might be different if we had seperate living quarters, but not when her bedroom was just down the hall and right next to the kids'.
That's your problem, not hers. If the living quarters are not adequate for another adult to be able to move about freely without disturbing everybody, then perhaps you shouldn't have a live in nanny.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens
If she regualrly stayed out too late and was too tired to do her job, we would tell her that her current lifestyle was not working because she was not doing her job. Change it or leave. However if she could do her job and stay up all night, that is up to her. We did nto have her drive anywhere, but if that was a requirement, then it would be different. I am not going to allow an exhausted person drive my kids around no matter how much the claim that they are young and can handle no sleep (it is actually a lie, very few people can fully function without sufficeint sleep, they just think themselves into believeing tha they can).
Yes, you have every right to terminate her employment, if she is not doing her job properly for whatever reason.
She is living in your home because you made that a condition of her employment, because it's convenient to you. She's not living with you because she's homeless and you're being altruistic. Therefore she is entitled to her freedom when she is off duty. Coming in after 10 is not unreasonable for a grown person.
That's your problem, not hers. If the living quarters are not adequate for another adult to be able to move about freely without disturbing everybody, then perhaps you shouldn't have a live in nanny.
Yes, you have every right to terminate her employment, if she is not doing her job properly for whatever reason.
They could just be offering them as a package actually to make things easier for the both of them. She could refuse and request extra salary instead and live off site if she wanted.
TXT, I'm really glad you've found an arrangement that is working out well for you, IMO they are too leinient with you but it's not my house or my kids so what ever is working for you and them right?
If I were to hire a live in nanny I definitely would NOT hire anyone younger than myself, I'd prefer someone who had previously raised children not just watched them for a few hours. I'm pretty old school with parenting so someone who shared similar views on child rearing. I wouldn't impose a curfew but again I'd prefer an older woman so i'd tell her up front I don't want some body who is a partier but if a grown woman wants to go out once in a while and it doesn't interfere with her job I don't think I have rights to impose more than a "before the sun comes up" type "curfew", of course she could sleep out if she pleases as long as she is on time for work. NO sleepovers unless it's a FEMALE FAMILY MEMBER whose from out of town, max 2 nights in a row. If she's in town longer she should get a hotel and if she's local then you should both stay at her place not mine. No strange-to-me men will be sleeping my house, thank you very much I don't care if they are blood or not. I'd prefer a neat freak not someone who needs to be reminded to clean up after the kids and who will pick up a broom without needing to be asked. Someone who knows how to cook stuff that doesn't come out of a box. I'd also be very partial to having someone who speaks mostly Spanish or another commonly used language so they can immerse my child in their language.
Coldjenses--I see were your wife's friends were coming from there is a 0% chance of me allowing a pretty young thing to live in my home unless she was my husband's BLOOD RELATIVE. I trust the guy 100% but no need to offer temptation a home under your roof it just brings problems. I'm sure he'd feel the same way about a hot young gardener if we were to ever have the need.
They could just be offering them as a package actually to make things easier for the both of them. She could refuse and request extra salary instead and live off site if she wanted.
I actually could have that option, if I really wanted to.
Some days I consider it because I could get a cheap apartment with a friend and finally be like scooper dooper independent..
TXT, I'm really glad you've found an arrangement that is working out well for you, IMO they are too leinient with you but it's not my house or my kids so what ever is working for you and them right?
If I were to hire a live in nanny I definitely would NOT hire anyone younger than myself, I'd prefer someone who had previously raised children not just watched them for a few hours. I'm pretty old school with parenting so someone who shared similar views on child rearing. I wouldn't impose a curfew but again I'd prefer an older woman so i'd tell her up front I don't want some body who is a partier but if a grown woman wants to go out once in a while and it doesn't interfere with her job I don't think I have rights to impose more than a "before the sun comes up" type "curfew", of course she could sleep out if she pleases as long as she is on time for work. NO sleepovers unless it's a FEMALE FAMILY MEMBER whose from out of town, max 2 nights in a row. If she's in town longer she should get a hotel and if she's local then you should both stay at her place not mine. No strange-to-me men will be sleeping my house, thank you very much I don't care if they are blood or not. I'd prefer a neat freak not someone who needs to be reminded to clean up after the kids and who will pick up a broom without needing to be asked. Someone who knows how to cook stuff that doesn't come out of a box. I'd also be very partial to having someone who speaks mostly Spanish or another commonly used language so they can immerse my child in their language.
Coldjenses--I see were your wife's friends were coming from there is a 0% chance of me allowing a pretty young thing to live in my home unless she was my husband's BLOOD RELATIVE. I trust the guy 100% but no need to offer temptation a home under your roof it just brings problems. I'm sure he'd feel the same way about a hot young gardener if we were to ever have the need.
Ok so say I was your nanny, age and all, what rules would you give me?
I actually could have that option, if I really wanted to.
Some days I consider it because I could get a cheap apartment with a friend and finally be like scooper dooper independent..
Well it seems like you are doing well living there so i think staying there is a good thing. And when you sign a lease with a friend be prepared for the possibility of it taking a toll on things.
They could just be offering them as a package actually to make things easier for the both of them. She could refuse and request extra salary instead and live off site if she wanted.
That's what I said. Because it's convenient for them. And why would you hire a live in nanny just to have them live off site if they wanted? You either want a live in or you don't, in most circumstances.
It's just that people think because someone's "living under their roof" that that gives them the right to impose restrictions on that person's freedoms. When it is their agreed time off you have no business imposing a curfew.
There's nothing wrong with agreeing to a few ground rules as a common courtesy, and that should go both ways - hell, draw up something similar to a lease, if you want. But just because you pay someone to live in your house that does not give you the power to control what time they can and can't leave.
She is living in your home because you made that a condition of her employment, because it's convenient to you. She's not living with you because she's homeless and you're being altruistic. Therefore she is entitled to her freedom when she is off duty. Coming in after 10 is not unreasonable for a grown person.
No. It was not convenient to us, it was very inconveneint. We would much prefer her have her own place and just show up in the morning and leave at night. She was living in our home as a benefit of her employment. It is our home and if she does not want to live within the rules of our home, she can go find another place to live and another job. And yes, she is otherwise homeless.
She was free to come in after ten as long as it was quietly. She has no right to wake us up, make the babies cry and leave us exhausted for work.
That's your problem, not hers. If the living quarters are not adequate for another adult to be able to move about freely without disturbing everybody, then perhaps you shouldn't have a live in nanny.
No. That is her problem. If she cannot live in our house without making noise late in the evening then she needs to find a different place to live and a different job. We do not owe her anything. That is the attitude of much of this new "entitlement" generation. We were offering her a job and it is a job with benefits and conditions just like any other job. We have no obligation to provide living quarters that meet your desires or needs nor hers. Our house was what it was, and if she found the conditions unsuitable, then she should not take the job. We did not have difficulty finding people who found the quarters, the pay and the rules acceptable. We were never without a Nanny. No one ever left for more pay or less rules. Except for the ones that we fired, they were all grateful for the job and the room and board.
If a nanny who wants to work live-in insists that she will only take a job where she has a seperate entrance, unlimited living conditions with no rules, etcetera, then she is going to be a thin nanny because she will rarely have a job. Most live in nanny positions were similar to ours. Both parents had to work, they could not afford to pay enough for someone to live on their own and they have an extra bedroom available, so they offer live in as part of the compensation. Only very wealthy people have seperate nanny quarters and provide a free car etcetera. However if they are that wealthy, then they do not need to both work, so they do nto really need a nanny. One can stay home and care for the kids themselves.
We did meet one gal who expected to be given a car, expected us to cook for her and do her laundry and clean her room and make her bed. She called us a month later and begged for the job saying that she changed her mind and had no job and no place to live. We had already hired someone else, but would not have hired her anyway after her demands. For us it was a cooperative living situation. She had to live with us, she could not damage our quality of life or our ability to perform our jobs by waking us or the babies up. That is all that we had to offer. She could take it or leave it.
We did not have a live in nanny because it was more convenient to us, we had a live in nanny because it was the only way that we could make the job worthwhile. Without room and board, you cannot make a living on $500 - $600 a week in Orange County, especially with no security deposit, no furniture, no car. By allowing them to live with us, we were able to find decently qualifed nannies who otherwise would have required much higher pay because they simply could not get by on that pay.
This was a take it or leave it situation. We paid as much as we could afford and offered the living quarters that we had available. We were not going to buy a different house or build a new room just to satisfy some spoiled nanny's demand for independence. Part of growing up is learning to live within the rules of your situation whatever they may be. There are lots of rooming situations that come with rules, including a curfew. Sorry that you do not like rules, but if you cannot follow rules, then you had better be able to afford a place of your own, or go live in a ditch. You will not even find a roomate rental situation where they do not have expectations that you will clean up after yourself, be quiet late at night, and smilar rules.
Yes, you have every right to terminate her employment, if she is not doing her job properly for whatever reason.
YES. Including waking us up late at night, smoking in our house, overnight guests, stealing our car, showing up drunk or too tired to perform her job, or breaking the rules that we established, and she agreed to in taking the position.
That's what I said. Because it's convenient for them. And why would you hire a live in nanny just to have them live off site if they wanted? You either want a live in or you don't, in most circumstances.
It's just that people think because someone's "living under their roof" that that gives them the right to impose restrictions on that person's freedoms. When it is their agreed time off you have no business imposing a curfew.
There's nothing wrong with agreeing to a few ground rules as a common courtesy, and that should go both ways - hell, draw up something similar to a lease, if you want. But just because you pay someone to live in your house that does not give you the power to control what time they can and can't leave.
And most of the time they offer the nanny the option to live on her own for higher pay if she wants. The bottom line is if you are living in their house for free you have to follow rules if you sleep there the same as anyone else.
Well it seems like you are doing well living there so i think staying there is a good thing. And when you sign a lease with a friend be prepared for the possibility of it taking a toll on things.
I know but I would have like 500 or 600 more in cash each month if I moved out on top of the 800 I make with BBB.
I feel that the past 4 months was a nice start and I feel like I am ready to move onto the next step.
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