Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Those of you know my lovely teen daughter and her BF- he leaves for college tomorrow- it is a long 20 minute drive-It is a VERY good small liberal arts college-both his parents went there- and they wanted him there and NOT at a big university- My Daughter is a senior in HS-they have gone out for 1 1/2 years. She is a good A/B student- great score on ACt- we looked out of state- but it just doesn't make sense to spend that kind of money when we have good in state schools-she didn't make the full tuition scholarship- we don't think- she is very close- anyway she is now talking about going to his college- it has an excellent spanish program- which she is very interested in- I've talked to her alot about going to school with him etc. Not a good idea- I've discussed this with his dad- he agrees but they think they know it ALL. I keep thinking that he will get there and have some fun and break up with her but they really get along etc and do ALOT together.. It of course is more $$ than the universities... but we have a college plan that helps and they are generous with scholarship $$$ - What would you do?
Tough one I think, but really ... IF state schools are on the same caliber as the private school, paying additional tuition JUST so she can go to school w/ her BF is silly.
People change A LOT going thru college .... IF they are still serious about each other AFTER college, then they can decided to live in the same area.
Let her apply to both, then wait to see what happens this year. Does she need to make a decision right away? It may work itself out without your input. If, as the time for making a decision gets closer, sit down and discuss costs etc with her. You certainly may say that you are only willing to pay for X and that in order to do Y, she'll need to come up with a viable plan to make up the difference.
My high school boyfriend and I went away to college together and it was a big mistake. I was way too dependent on him for social activities since I did not know anybody else and he wanted to be in a fraternity and date others. it was really complicated by the fact he had a car, I didn't and I needed him to take me home for holidays,, etc.
We eventually broke up our freshman year and I was a mess. I think we would have lasted longer if we had each gone to different schools and then reunited after some time apart.
I would seriously try to keep them from going to the same college together. Each needs some space and time to grow up. Then after college if they are satill serious, they will know they can handle separations.
Tough one I think, but really ... IF state schools are on the same caliber as the private school, paying additional tuition JUST so she can go to school w/ her BF is silly.
People change A LOT going thru college .... IF they are still serious about each other AFTER college, then they can decided to live in the same area.
State schools are NOT on the same caliber as private schools- small school =small classes= more help/attention from teachers-you get what you pay for.....Is it really going to be the end of the world if they go to same school and break up-I don't think so... I am not for it but I also do not want my daughter being miserable and driving every weekend to visit him-I've talked to so many people regarding this and I think she will have to decide for her self- we aren't talking a big difference in $$- she has a college plan and a prepaid college plan so $$ isn't an issue
Those of you know my lovely teen daughter and her BF- he leaves for college tomorrow- it is a long 20 minute drive-It is a VERY good small liberal arts college-both his parents went there- and they wanted him there and NOT at a big university- My Daughter is a senior in HS-they have gone out for 1 1/2 years. She is a good A/B student- great score on ACt- we looked out of state- but it just doesn't make sense to spend that kind of money when we have good in state schools-she didn't make the full tuition scholarship- we don't think- she is very close- anyway she is now talking about going to his college- it has an excellent spanish program- which she is very interested in- I've talked to her alot about going to school with him etc. Not a good idea- I've discussed this with his dad- he agrees but they think they know it ALL. I keep thinking that he will get there and have some fun and break up with her but they really get along etc and do ALOT together.. It of course is more $$ than the universities... but we have a college plan that helps and they are generous with scholarship $$$ - What would you do?
Well there's three dimensions to this decision: the academic, the financial and the social. The financial is obviously within your discretion, and consequently, so is the academic. The social.... not quite as much at your discretion.
The academic: Since the private school also meets her academic needs in addition to her perceived social needs, then it's worth considering even if the academic happens to be second on her list of priorities.
The financial: if there's a clear difference in the cost, certainly it's up to you to say "you're going to the school we're paying for." If I were in your shoes, I would offer her the opportunity to come up with the difference herself if she really wants to go to the private school.
The social: this is the part you have the least control over, especially once she's out of the house and on her own. And by the time she's ready to go to college, it's probably time to stop trying to shape her social life and let her make her own decisions and live with the consequences. I honestly don't know that it's necessarily worse for her to go to the school where her BF is as long as it still meets her academic needs. If she goes to the same school as him, he may very well be a distraction. But of course if they break up and she goes somewhere else, she may find a new boyfriend at college, who will then become the distraction. Or, maybe they'll still be dating and have a long-distance relationship, which I can tell you from experience is no less distracting, and maybe even more so.
So in summary, if I were in your position I'd warn her about the potential pitfalls of being in a serious relationship in college (and explain that there could also be some benefits in having a support handy), let her pick her school, and perhaps have her make up the difference in cost if she chooses the more expensive school.
State schools are NOT on the same caliber as private schools- small school =small classes= more help/attention from teachers-you get what you pay for.....Is it really going to be the end of the world if they go to same school and break up-I don't think so... I am not for it but I also do not want my daughter being miserable and driving every weekend to visit him-I've talked to so many people regarding this and I think she will have to decide for her self- we aren't talking a big difference in $$- she has a college plan and a prepaid college plan so $$ isn't an issue
I am confused...what exactly is your issue then?
Quite frankly, I think you are worrying for nothing...your daughter is still in high school and her BF is now at college....a whole new world for him...my guess is the relationship isn't going to last much longer.
College should be her choice and decision....let her know the amount you can pay for and she can come up with a plan for the difference. She should choose where she wants to go. If it turns out she made a mistake, she can always transfer. Part of letting them grow up is letting them learn from their mistakes. You need to let her make her own decision and loosen the apron strings.
I'm confused....is it a 20 minute drive as posted or something like 20 hours?
Is his college a private school out of state?
If his school is 20 hours away that will put a major damper on them seeing each other this upcoming year, especially if either of them are involved in extra curricular activities at their respective schools.
If it really only is 20 minutes then that puts a completely different spin to it.
What I would do is treat her as if she is planning on going to the same college and then do the normal college prep. Submit applications, fill out FAFSA and visit other campuses. I realize that most are wanting applications in right now for next year, however there are still chances for admittance when offers are declined. FAFSA won't be done until after your taxes are done next year, but it will give you a much clearer picture of what costs will be at the various colleges.
If this one is private, then it's likely they have better availability of scholarship funds than state schools who often have better grants available. Those things you won't have access to until you have completed your FAFSA.
During the course of the year with him away at college and her in her senior year of high school attitudes, perceptions and expectations can change so this conversation may be something completely different in the spring.
He even could decide it's not a good fit for him and transfer elsewhere.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
