Boyfriend staying over on the couch?? (deviant, teenagers, parents, wife)
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So, as my kids get older I am finding myself faced with new and unusual decisions...
What is everyone's opinion regarding boyfriends spending the night?
A couple weeks ago, my daughter asked if her new boyfriend could come over for the day and spend the night. We live in an area of the country where towns are quite a distance apart (this young man lives about 1 1/2 hours away). My daughter and my son drove to meet his mom 1/2 way to pick him up and myself and my daughter made the return 1/2 way trip the following day. He slept on the couch and, to the best of my knowledge, was very respectful toward my house rules and my daughter. I did talk to a couple friends in town to find out if this practice was "normal" (when I was dating - in the area I lived... you didn't need to stay the night because home was within driving distance). Apparently, it is a common practice here and no one seemed to think it was a big deal.
I know we all live all over the country (and even in other countries besides the US)... and I was curious if this is something other people do / have done??
Oh please...if they want to knock to boots, they're going to find a way to do it no matter the setup.
OP...My kids are young, but I wouldn't have a problem with it. It wasn't necessary where I grew up, but my girlfriends parents usually didn't have a problem with me crashing on the couch. My in-laws were the same way with my wife's boyfriends in high school and didn't have a problem with it. Yes, sometimes some antics went on, but it wasn't anything that didn't already happen other places.
I'd say that as long as they respect you, your daughter and the house rules, then it really isn't a big deal.
I'm not that old, so it hasn't been that long since i was that age.
I would say that it is .... not normal.
I had a very serious long-term girlfriend when I was in high school, and the only time her and I slept under the same roof was when she spent a week at our beach house. And that was in another bedroom. And my parents kept an eye on us.
You don't say how old your daughter is first off ... ?????
Secondly, I would say it's NOT normal. 1 hour and 30 minutes is a decent drive, however, he could drive up for 10am and stay all day and leave after dinner.
I don't think he NEEDS to stay over.
Do you have younger children? It could be sending the wrong message to them...
My children aren't teenagers yet, but I most certainly will not be allowing anyone of the opposite sex to sleepover my house period...
We had people sleeping over on the couch all the time when we were growing up. In fact, sometimes my parents would have friends of -theirs- who lived down the street, sleep on the couch. They'd be up til late, talking, playing cards, watching TV, my sister and I would go to bed, and we'd wake up the next morning to see the neighbors snoozing on the couch.
Were my parents setting a bad example for their children? Hardly. The example they set, was that if you invite people to your home and it gets late and the guests are tired, be sure to have enough blankets and pillows so they can sleep comfortably on your couch.
Who's to say what is NORMAL or not. Saying it is not normal makes it sound like the OP's daughter and boyfriend are exhibiting deviant behavior. I think it is more of a moral judgement. It also depends on the age of the teenagers involved. My daughter is 19 and her boyfriend has stayed over. Prior to her turning 18, I was not very accepting of this.
How you feel about the situation is all that matters. Asking others for their opinion will only confuse you more. You will get the definite "No this is not right" and the "this is not a problem." You will still not have the answer you want. You will have to use your judgement based on the trust you have in your child and the respect the young man shows. If you have concerns, then don't let this become an all the time thing. Very possibly, the kids may think "everything" is OK and might take advantage of the situation.
I had a boyfriend in high school that lived 1 1/2 hours away. We would see each other on weekends. More often than not, he would come to my parents and sleep on the couch (we didn't have an extra bedroom). I wonder how much my parents slept....
And I would drive there and spend the weekend sometimes. I honestly can't remember where I slept. I think there was an extra bedroom. Hmm... weird how I can't remember. Well, it wasn't together. That I am sure of.
It comes down to how responsible you feel your daughter is, how much you feel you can trust the boy, and your house.
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