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Tell her what the budget for college is, and she can apply for and attend any school that is within that budget. Other than that, her life is her own. If she and her boyfriend attend the same school and they break up, she'll learn from it. If she has to switch schools, she'll learn from that too. She may very well be making a mistake by following her boyfriend, but it's hers to make. She may also end up married to him for 50 years. We can only control our children so much, and when she goes to college, she will be an adult.
The chances of them still dating at this time next year when she goes off to school is very slim. If they make it through a year with him away then maybe they are right for each other. Most high school relationships break up by Christmas of freshman year in college. Let her apply wherever she wants, she doesn't have to make a final decision as to where she is going until late winter/early spring for most schools and a lot can change between now and then.
Most private schools do not usually have instate or outstate tuition and you don't really know what you can afford until you get your financial aid package so don't rule anything out until you do. You may just find that the private school is less expensive then the state school when all is said and done.
Those of you know my lovely teen daughter and her BF- he leaves for college tomorrow- it is a long 20 minute drive-It is a VERY good small liberal arts college-both his parents went there- and they wanted him there and NOT at a big university- My Daughter is a senior in HS-they have gone out for 1 1/2 years. She is a good A/B student- great score on ACt- we looked out of state- but it just doesn't make sense to spend that kind of money when we have good in state schools-she didn't make the full tuition scholarship- we don't think- she is very close- anyway she is now talking about going to his college- it has an excellent spanish program- which she is very interested in- I've talked to her alot about going to school with him etc. Not a good idea- I've discussed this with his dad- he agrees but they think they know it ALL. I keep thinking that he will get there and have some fun and break up with her but they really get along etc and do ALOT together.. It of course is more $$ than the universities... but we have a college plan that helps and they are generous with scholarship $$$ - What would you do?
Is "a long 20 minute drive" a typo?
I think the situation will work itself out long before she goes off to school.
I've seen a few victims of this "I'm going to same school as my boyfriend" thing that blew up and did not work out at all. People change dramatically during the first year of college. He is going to be making new friends, going to social events, sporting events, etc., and your daughter will be alienated from those friends and events.
Even if she goes to visit him a weekend or two a month, she's not going to develop the relationships that he will with the other kids at the college. He will have a routine, so to speak, with these new friends and when she comes along next year, he will be expected to change that to accommodate her arrival. That could cause problems.
His life is going to change big time and your daughter's will remain the same for another year. When he talks to her and regales her with stories of this and that she may become worried that he's cheating on her or feel resentment that he is having all these good times without her.
If they break up during this coming school year, she can choose a different school and get a fresh start which will be good for her.
If I were her mother I would strongly advise her that she can choose to go to whatever school she wants that is within the available budget but that the worst thing she could possibly do is choose a school on the basis of following a boyfriend.
Is "a long 20 minute drive" a typo? Not a typo-I was being sarcastic
They are very close and do everything together- they have a small group of friends-she has already been to parties at the college-It is a very good LAC school-I mentioned to him that they need some space and he said no we don't-they think that they are the "ONE" for each other -there is only so much you can do when they are 18 and 19 years old- you can't control them forever!! I appreciate all the tips and suggestiosn- I will see what happens in the next year and keep ya'll posted-I appreciate everyone that has helped me on this forum-I am a single mom and have been since mine were 3 and 5 so I am always looking for others opinions Parenting is a difficult job (epsecially when you are alone)!!!!
Tell her what the budget for college is, and she can apply for and attend any school that is within that budget. Other than that, her life is her own. If she and her boyfriend attend the same school and they break up, she'll learn from it. If she has to switch schools, she'll learn from that too. She may very well be making a mistake by following her boyfriend, but it's hers to make. She may also end up married to him for 50 years. We can only control our children so much, and when she goes to college, she will be an adult.
I agree. She will be grown when she goes to college and should make the decision based on whatever criteria she deems necessary. If it turns out to be a bad decision, she will learn from it. If it turns out to be a good decision, she will benefit from it. It's important that she makes it though, because if you talk her out of it, she may resent you for a long time to come. She'll get over it, of course, but to go somewhere else without doing what she thinks is best will only set her up for misery in a different school.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Qwerty
The chances of them still dating at this time next year when she goes off to school is very slim.
When my HS boyfriend and I went to college, our parents convinced us it was for the best to go to separate schools and date other people and essentially break up. It was truly heartbreaking for us. We went to schools 5 hours apart, but continued to talk and make the trips to see each other. Many of the people we started school with started with the same situation with a long-distance boy/girlfriend, but broke up within the first year. After 3 semesters we were still together and I transferred to his school. After college, we got married, and now we have 2 kids!
So, since they have a year before she goes to school, I would say wait and see what happens in that year. She can apply now, but she doesn't have to decide until next spring.
Let her do what she wants. And let her own the outcome of whatever happens. It's part of life and growing up that parents can't control. If that means pain and heartbreak then so be it. If it means happily ever after then so be that to.
Let her do what she wants. And let her own the outcome of whatever happens. It's part of life and growing up that parents can't control. If that means pain and heartbreak then so be it. If it means happily ever after then so be that to.
That would all be wonderful advice, if the daughter was paying her own way, or didn't need a parent to co-sign any loans.
If she was going off and not going to college, and planning on getting a job, moving in with the guy, and spending eternity in marital bliss, that's awesome.
But she's considering investing money that isn't hers, in a higher education at a school -specifically- because her current boyfriend goes to school there. So she's not just needing to be responsible for herself in this situation. She's needing to be responsible with someone else's finances. So it requires a little more effort than simply "let her do what she wants."
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