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The basic gist of my past is that I'm a 25 year old Native American girl who has a crush on a white guy, but my controlling mom only wants me to date other Natives. It's been a struggle for me since I still live with her, but I finally told her about my crush last night.
Last night, my mom told me that she was going to start setting me up with dates for Holiday festivities. I then told my mom that there was a white guy that I was interested in, but she shot down that idea quickly. She didn't get mad, but she reminded me that she only wants me dating "within our race".
I decided to call her out on that since it was a contradiction. She's tried to set me up with Natives before, but she's also tried to set me up with non-Natives who are wealthy and financially well off. I called her out on it and then said "If it's a Native you want, it's a Native you're gonna get." I honestly don't know why I said that, though. I didn't plan on it, it was just sort of a heat of the moment thing I said to sound badass, I guess. Now I don't know how my mom's going to interpret it. She then said "You need to stop acting like this." and I simply stared her in the eyes, said "No." and then walked off to my room.
Me and my mom haven't talked since then and now I'm worried about the fallout of the fight. I think this was a step in the right direction in terms of standing up for myself and refusing to let her control me any longer, but I'm also worried about tearing the family apart. My older brother and mom are estranged because she tried to cheat him out of money that he earned. I don't want to tear my family apart even more and now I'm not sure where to go. Do I keep standing up to my mom and fight for my ability to date whoever I want, or do I just accept my mom's stubbornness and move on for the sake of the family?
Perhaps your mother is following First American traditions, about the parents choosing who their daughters will marry? Is your becoming independent, going to include breaking away from such traditions? There's a lot of complications, now and later, if you choose either to do that or to remain in that culture.
Life for young people who have strong ethnic connections, can be more difficult than for those without such ties. I wouldn't recommend burning any bridges behind you, whatever you choose. You might want to change back someday. But always remember, that we were all one people, about 2,500 generations ago. That's just a relatively small chunk of time, in the history of all our ancestors.
I'd just thought I'd pop in and give an update of what happened between me and my mom last night:
Me and my mom talked last night and the first thing she did was point out how "disrespectful" I was towards her. She said that she didn't approve of my tone of voice and that she wasn't going to tolerate any of my so-called "defiance". She then proceeded to take away my phone and then went onto the subject of the guy that I like. She said that she's taking away my phone so that I can no longer contact him and that I'm also no longer allowed near any non-Native men without her permission or approval. She even used the example of shopping out in public. She said that from now on we'll be shopping together and if we can't find a Native cashier, I'm to go wait in the car while she's rung up by any non-Native cashiers. Those are pretty much the new restrictions she's now placing on me.
Any chance you can move out in the near future? Even if it's finding a room to rent until you can afford an apartment or something? Her actions seem a little extreme for a working adult (I wouldn't worry about breaking up the family--that's on her because of her irrational actions). I'd try to get out from under her roof immediately!
It seems to me at 25 you're a grown adult and should be able to date who you please. I know there are many families around the world that, when it comes to dating, the parents always want their children to date and/or marry someone within their own race or culture.
My solution is that as long as you're living under mama's roof and especially if it's 'rent free' then maybe you should follow her advice and just sneak and see your lover outside the home, on the side. if mom don't see him and you don't talk about him, then she'll think ya'll broke up. (in other words, keep everything on the 'downlow').
Anything you shouted out to your mom, that you wish you shouldn't have said; go back to her now, apologize and say no more about it. Until you move out and get your own place, follow the rules of the house just to 'keep the peace' and continue to see your boyfriend on the side.
Ron Kennedy
[url]https://lovefolks.com[/url]
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