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The problem is that it's not necessarily about her "opinion". In her eyes, me dating another Native is an absolute must and she's even threatened to take away my car keys if I date a non-Native.
She's going to take your car keys away? Your car? How will she get your car keys unless you give them to her?
Sorry, I'm not buying any of this ridiculous story. Not one little bit of it sounds credible to me. I think OP is not who she says she is and is playing some kind of game with this forum.
Like other posters here, I see red flags and suspect this is a hoax.
Few American Indians refer to themselves as "Native Americans", for starters. It's either the name of the tribe - Cherokee, Choctaw, Navajo, etc. - or Indian or sometimes NDN. "Native American", while accurate, can also be construed as referring to anyone born on the American continents, and is widely and negatively viewed as a politically correct, recently made-up Caucasian term with no historic standing.
The OP has consistently used "Native American" throughout this thread.
The problem is with Mama, and with the OP's inability to separate and stand up for herself, not with racial heritage.
If there is a problem at all, that is, and if this thread is not a hoax.
Craig is absolutely correct. I grew up in Oklahoma, and people identify with the tribe.
I think the thread is a hoax. Everything is too ridiculous.
...and no one has even addressed the fact that the mother tried to steal the brother's money. Yep, that is someone I would be "minding". However, if you are still living off your parents at the age of 25, I guess you would have to regard yourself as a perpetual child. I just have no respect for this.
Because I genuinely feel like there aren't that many Native men out there who I'd like. My past boyfriends were Native and literally all of them were the same. They cheated on me, used me, abused me emotionally, and it's the same with all of the Native guys who my mom tries to set me up with. They just want sex and money and I can't deal with it anymore. This white guy is a genuinely good guy who respects me and treats me kindly.
You are more than old enough to make your own decisions
I'd just thought I'd pop in and give an update of what happened between me and my mom last night:
Me and my mom talked last night and the first thing she did was point out how "disrespectful" I was towards her. She said that she didn't approve of my tone of voice and that she wasn't going to tolerate any of my so-called "defiance". She then proceeded to take away my phone and then went onto the subject of the guy that I like. She said that she's taking away my phone so that I can no longer contact him and that I'm also no longer allowed near any non-Native men without her permission or approval. She even used the example of shopping out in public. She said that from now on we'll be shopping together and if we can't find a Native cashier, I'm to go wait in the car while she's rung up by any non-Native cashiers. Those are pretty much the new restrictions she's now placing on me.
Now I'm believing that this is either a bad joke or you have some mental issues.
The basic gist of my past is that I'm a 25 year old Native American girl who has a crush on a white guy, but my controlling mom only wants me to date other Natives. It's been a struggle for me since I still live with her, but I finally told her about my crush last night.
Last night, my mom told me that she was going to start setting me up with dates for Holiday festivities. I then told my mom that there was a white guy that I was interested in, but she shot down that idea quickly. She didn't get mad, but she reminded me that she only wants me dating "within our race".
I decided to call her out on that since it was a contradiction. She's tried to set me up with Natives before, but she's also tried to set me up with non-Natives who are wealthy and financially well off. I called her out on it and then said "If it's a Native you want, it's a Native you're gonna get." I honestly don't know why I said that, though. I didn't plan on it, it was just sort of a heat of the moment thing I said to sound badass, I guess. Now I don't know how my mom's going to interpret it. She then said "You need to stop acting like this." and I simply stared her in the eyes, said "No." and then walked off to my room.
Me and my mom haven't talked since then and now I'm worried about the fallout of the fight. I think this was a step in the right direction in terms of standing up for myself and refusing to let her control me any longer, but I'm also worried about tearing the family apart. My older brother and mom are estranged because she tried to cheat him out of money that he earned. I don't want to tear my family apart even more and now I'm not sure where to go. Do I keep standing up to my mom and fight for my ability to date whoever I want, or do I just accept my mom's stubbornness and move on for the sake of the family?
I forgot to mention two things:
1. That my dad approves of this white guy. He's said that he just wants me to be happy and that I should be allowed to make my own choices in life.
2. My older sister is married to a white guy and my mom is happy with them together.
I also have my own job and pay my own bills, so there's really not a whole lot of assisted living between me and my mom.
I haven't read the whole thread yet, but OP, it seems to me that the answer to your question lies in these facts you posted, here. Though I see why you worry that you might tear the family apart, since your mom and dad don't agree, but often, our fears tend to be a lot worse than the reality that eventually happens.
Have you asked your sister if your mom gave her the same "Native only" line, before she met her future husband? If you haven't already, it wouldn't be a bad idea to discuss this with your sis.
Oh, and buy yourself a new phone, and cancel your other account with the service provider.
And one more thing; how can your mom stop you from going shopping on your own? That makes no sense. You can always stop off at a store on your way home from work, or on your lunch hour. If this is a true story, it sounds like your mom has some kind of personality disorder, at the least, that leads her to want to control adult children, and that leads her to believe that she actually can. (This is delusional.) Some parents cannot adjust to their kids becoming independent adults. They get stuck back in child-rearing mode, but such cases invariably have some level of mental illness going on underneath.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-20-2017 at 12:46 PM..
Forget about causing problems, mom is causing them for you. If she will stop being your mom for dating who you please, this says alot about her character . Her loss, you are not property, even if you live there rent free.let this continue, to not make waves, will only tell her it is ok to dictate what you do the rest off your life.
Do not let this happen to you. Adults make their own decisions, and if you marry, she has no say in that. People stick to tradition, let them sit it out with a control freak. Mom can share their thoughts and experiences, but have no business forcing her opinion on you.
No, there is nothing in Native culture for dating or arranged marriages. But family is very important to their culture and that is where this struggle is probably stemming from. It would not be uncommon for parents to have a lot of influence on their children's choices.
OP, if you are not in a good position to date right now and not really into the guy your mom is disapproving of I would just back off until you get some better bearings with her. But if you really want to break mold you might have to take some serious steps towards independence and that will be hard. Good luck no matter what.
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