At dinners where the same people never help pay the bill (aging, wife)
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Well MIL does not live with BIL full time...she stays with him when she comes out for the month. I dont know if bil pays for all the meals...but i imagine he does pay for most of them.
I just dont know how the visits had to go from 1 week to 4 or 5. It just doenst seem fun for anyone. Id hate having guests for that long and id hate being a guest that long. I get that MIL gets to see the grandkids...but the boyfriend must lose his mind. Maybe the frew meals keep him from losing it.
It's none of your business. You are poking around at the business between other people and allowing yourself to get irate over it.
However, I was pretty much done with you when I read that you resent a man helping his aging father. And then you went on to admit that S pays for the plane tickets himself and he is the one that hosts the mother so there is inequity there if you insist on keeping score. Your hubby is chipping in more on dinners to compensate.
Again, you are immature and selfish and you don't deserve your husband. A vast majority of people wish this was the only 'problem' in their marriage.
Well MIL does not live with BIL full time...she stays with him when she comes out for the month. I dont know if bil pays for all the meals...but i imagine he does pay for most of them.
I just dont know how the visits had to go from 1 week to 4 or 5. It just doenst seem fun for anyone. Id hate having guests for that long and id hate being a guest that long. I get that MIL gets to see the grandkids...but the boyfriend must lose his mind. Maybe the frew meals keep him from losing it.
None of that is ANY of your business. Your BIL is either OK with it or simply endures it...but that's his cross to bear. You have no right to do his scorekeeping or somehow make assumptions that figure into your scorekeeping
Nope. I still cant believe they did nothing when our daughter was born. You just reminded me of that. Good S should pay the full plane ticket since he allows this loong visits.
Petty. I have a friend like you and I don't talk to her anymore because I'm tired of the over-dramatics about every slight, real or perceived. I won't listen to it anymore. I have bigger problems to worry about, as do most people.
You do realize there are many retired people who live quite well? That they're not scraping by on Social Security. Some of them even own two homes, they're called "snowbirds" and split their time between states that get a bad winter and states like FL and AZ.
Also when you go visit family or friends in another state and they host you in their home, the polite thing to do is take them out for a few meals to show your appreciation. They're feeding and housing you, saving you money on a hotel and meals.
And just because someone is financially comfortable, that doesn't mean they should pay every time. The classy thing to do is pick up a check every once in awhile, not have an entitlement attitude of "well they make good money, so they can afford it".
You do realize that I ASKED A QUESTION whether she's retired and living on SS, rather than emphatically stating that she is. The OP did not answer my question, just like she hasn't answered questions about the 35 year-old brother's competency level, exactly how many times a year they have these dinners, or many other pertinent details people have been asking her. At any rate the mom is the elder, she's the one traveling across the country to see her sons. Even if she's a rich snowbird I see no problem in the sons covering her meals.
Well MIL does not live with BIL full time...she stays with him when she comes out for the month. I dont know if bil pays for all the meals...but i imagine he does pay for most of them.
I just dont know how the visits had to go from 1 week to 4 or 5. It just doenst seem fun for anyone. Id hate having guests for that long and id hate being a guest that long. I get that MIL gets to see the grandkids...but the boyfriend must lose his mind. Maybe the frew meals keep him from losing it.
This is not your concern unless SIL is complaining to you about them staying with her ? You're fighting a losing battle, and yes I do understand about not having thoughtful in laws but it is what it is . At this point just don't complain about paying the bill . I read that several have told you and your kids to stay home , that may make your hubby mad for he probably wants all the family together.
Your BIL is the VP of Finance for a Fortune 500 company. That should tell you something right there. Most people that are in the finance or accounting profession are frugal. It sounds like he might get hotel reward points for staying in certain hotels while on business travel. Maybe he gets airline miles for business travel as well. So the family vacations the points are used and he isn't spending all that much.
I know someone that has a job in the financial world. He travels for work and sometimes so does his wife. They get hotel points and airline miles. They also play the CC points game and collect points that way as well. They go to a tropical destination 3 times a year but the key is that he is paying with all the points he has collected. The only thing they have to pay for is food and entertainment. Yet, leaving the car at the airport costs to much while they are gone so they find someone to take them. The flights they take are all reward so they aren't the best times.
There is a difference between being frugal and smart with your money, and being a freeloader and taking advantage of people.
[quote=Kaphawoman;46808628]You do realize that I ASKED A QUESTION whether she's retired and living on SS, rather than emphatically stating that she is. The OP did not answer my question, just like she hasn't answered questions about the 35 year-old brother's competency level, exactly how many times a year they have these dinners, or many other pertinent details people have been asking her. At any rate the mom is the elder, she's the one traveling across the country to see her sons. Even if she's a rich snowbird I see no problem in the sons covering her meals.[/QUOTE]
Sorry, when you visit friends or family out of your area and you stay with them, you take them out to dinner at least once. More if you're staying for more than a few days.
Like you I'm in CA, when I went back east a couple of years ago and stayed with my cousins in NY and NJ I took them out for breakfasts and dinners a couple of times. I wanted to do it, but also felt they're putting me up in their homes and feeding me, it's the least you can do to show your appreciation. You also make your bed and leave the bathroom clean.
Doesn't mean the sons shouldn't treat their mother to meals, but at some point her and her boyfriend should do the same.
I agree, the OP hasn't been very clear on the specifics of the situation.
Please read post 186, directly above yours. She had earlier offered the same information.
The post she wrote at 6:30 am, when mine was at 1:41? I guess I should be able to read the future.
I admit I probably missed some of her posts because this thread is 24 pages long, but I was going by her original post:
Quote:
The other thing about S is that he is a VP of finance at a fortune 500 company and his wife is a finance director with an mba. They have a verry nice income, more than dh and i make by far and this gets under my skin also.
No and i dont plan to start. Dh and i have visited her in az before we had kids. I mentioned before that dh would help with her plane ticket but i dont think he does now. I also mentioned that BIL takes their daughter out of daycare for the month and MIL watches her. So they save money there big time. The daycare is 2500 a month.
It's also beyond me why the woman can't just buy her own plane ticket. She already gets free room and board for her and the boyfriend plus free meals. She's the one who moved away.
My grandmother had half a million dollars in the back, owned 3 properties, and lived below her means on her SS income and retirement income. She didn't 'need' anyone to pay for anything for her.
It was out of respect that my father, and his siblings, paid for her to visit and everything associated with it.
So many threads on Non-Romantic Relationships lately make me think a fortune could be made by someone giving class on "How To Be A Good Host," coupled with, "How To Be A Good Guest"
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