Unhappy in Indiana (Indianapolis, Bloomington, Muncie: appointed, movies, college)
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I can see where the OP is coming from. My experiences living in Indiana have been...well odd. I can only account my experience of one part of the state though. I dont find strangers to be rude. In my experience its actually been the opposite. In fact, just yesterday I went to a local flea market. I was standing outside and a woman was walking up. She didnt look very friendly at first but when she locked eyes with me, she smiled and said hello. It was genuine. The problems I have encountered are past the hello stage, trying to make friends or become part of a group. It kind of makes me feel bad, wondering what part of my personality turns people off before they even get to know me. I didnt have a problem fitting in or making friends where I am from. My husband actually was the more unpopular person and now the roles have reversed. Everyone seems to really like him here and I am the one people back away from.
My first experience of being on the outs was the first few days of living here. My husband moved here first and met a realtor. He had worked with her for about 3 months, she helped him get a rental and I spoke with her on the phone. Everything seemed great. When I finally joined my husband I took over the house hunting (which he told her was going to happen, he had to focus on his job) and I got a vibe right away she didnt like me. My husband said I was being silly. She constantly dismissed my concerns and only took my husband seriously. A few times she was pretty snotty with me and I told my husband I wanted to drop her. When I showed him the listings she gave us, he was perplexed on why they were not in the area we asked for. So he had a talk with her about it and she pretty much told him that she thought I was talking him into buying more than what he really wanted. Well that didnt go over well. My husband then realized she was being a problem and suggested that we should part ways with her. She changed her tune then. She was no longer rude to me but very cold. We found a house we wanted, closed and never spoke to her again. Sometimes she sends us a new business card. It goes in the trash.
Then I met the neighbors. The woman next door seemed judgy right from the get go. She drilled me with questions and some were inappropriate. It didnt take long for me to realize she likes to gossip about the neighbors. She has nicknames for everyone. The big people, the mixed couple, the family with the fat children (she doesnt like heavy set people apparently). Her BFF across the street is timid and looks terrifed talking to me. I can tell the woman next door rules her roost and her friendship. This woman asked one time if I had been a teenage mother. Who asks something like that? I put up with this for 2 yrs. One day she and I were making small talk and she made fun of a boy walking by. He is about 15 yrs old and I could tell something was different about him. She told me he was autistic. She joked he didnt need a halloween costume, just an axe. Implying he was creepy. That was enough for me. I told her in a polite and firm way I didnt like that kind of talk. The first time I had ever said anything to her in 2 yrs that I thought she was being rude. So now she wont even wave to me. She likes my husband though and will catch him when he gets home from work and chews his ear off. If I come outside she walks off.
Another neighbor had a party and invited the whole neighborhood. I thought that was nice and gave it another chance. I had a pleasant conversation with her, we talked about doing lunch sometime and I thought wow, this is cool. She throws another party gets tipsy and starts going off about unions, democrats...how they are ruining the country. Sigh. We grew up in union families and my husband is a union worker. Also add we are democrats. My husband and I bit our tongues and didnt say much until the hostess really started going off and saying some serious untruths and referring to union workers a monkeys. Well then my dear husband couldn't bite his tongue anymore. He politely debated her and she got so upset she stormed out of the room. Okay, stagger actually. Of course everyone at the party looked as us like we were jerks. One guy gave me a serious stare down and said, "we are republican around here." We havent been invited to another party since.
My husband is popular at his job and has a ton of friends. He is always getting invites to watch a game, invited to a party etc. He said I should meet some of the wives. Cold shoulders all around. One lady I have met three times and she purposely refuses to remember my name. I have a very common name, not hard to pronounce or spell. Each time she pretends i dont exist or will say, "Oh...I dont know your name. What is it again? Oh I will just call you Mrs. Fallingwater." No budding friendship there. She doesnt mind making sexual jokes toward my husband though. Another couple my husband invited over. The guys were going on about the game and the wife told me she hated my kitchen and if it were her house, she would rip it out. My son has a friend who parents seemed pretty cool. The father is really down to earth. The mother showed up to pick up her son and was cold as ice. We made small talk and when she got out to the driveway, she took one look at my Subaru and said, "Those are popular in the gay community." and walked off. Sooo...is she saying Im gay? I have found a serious lack of social skills in these parts. It has nothing to do with education either. Women seem to be the worst. Seriously, I couldnt even make this stuff up.
So after 6 yrs I pretty much realized I will never make a friend here. For a long time it bothered me but now I have just accepted it. I work from home so that limits opportunities. That kind of stinks but it is what it is. I have visited Indy a few times and I have to say I got a really good vibe from the city. I felt comfortable right away and not even sure why. It just felt like a place I could fit in. Carmel? Not so much. I didnt get a good vibe there at all.
Ahh well. So I focus on what I do like. I like that sales people bend over backwards to help me. The polite cashiers at the local grocery store. I like the shopping. I love my house and the disposable income to do things I couldnt before. Its basically all financial but that is okay for now. When my son graduates from high school then maybe we will move. Not sure really. I could live anywhere with my job but my husband's line of work is a dying field so not much opportunity to bounce around. I do think the food is pretty terrible around here but I like all the choices of the stores. I cook at home more now than I ever did. Easy to find ingredients for rare dishes because it seems people are more health savvy.
If I still lived up there, we would totally hang out. Feel free to come to Columbus!
I had similar experiences in Fishers ... ignorance isn't localized.
I do find it kind-of funny that the people that got a little fired up and came to defend the super duper omg awesome state of Indiana are also the same super duper awesome lifers of Indiana. Thank god the rest of us who leave never have to worry about you coming to our states unless its for one week of the year in March where you brag about "headin south yo". Of course one week is all a Indiana lifer can handle away from Indiana because Indiana is the only place a lifer feels comfortable.
If you can stay in Indiana your entire life then I have to applaud you because that is impressive and something most can't do.
I do find it kind-of funny that the people that got a little fired up and came to defend the super duper omg awesome state of Indiana are also the same super duper awesome lifers of Indiana. Thank god the rest of us who leave never have to worry about you coming to our states unless its for one week of the year in March where you brag about "headin south yo". Of course one week is all a Indiana lifer can handle away from Indiana because Indiana is the only place a lifer feels comfortable.
If you can stay in Indiana your entire life then I have to applaud you because that is impressive and something most can't do.
Not a lifer here -- 18 of 44 years. I spent 8 formative years in the south. As far as I'm concerned, the less southern Indiana is, the better.
Also technically not a lifer. Spent several years as a child in another state and another 15 years in another state as an adult. I am unwilling to state my age, but yeah--more than 1/2 my life in this state.
If I still lived up there, we would totally hang out. Feel free to come to Columbus!
I had similar experiences in Fishers ... ignorance isn't localized.
We had similar experiences when we moved into our house in Avon. This was not a typical neighborhood in Avon - the houses were easily in the $500k range, leading us to believe we would find lots of nice, intelligent people.
Not so.
Due to the demographics, many were retirees who pretty much ran in their own crowd and wanted nothing to do with the others. The younger people, some of whom were our immediate neighbors, were nice enough but still maintained their distance, we can only assume due to our being "outsiders".
It was a really weird vibe. We had come back to Indiana from Florida, and the neighborhood we lived in there was very active socially and everyone was very nice. We figured that over time Indiana might have become much the same. Not in this neighborhood....
I think the worst part was my employer, who wore their politics on their sleeve. I started in mid 2008, and when the election was over, the only topic of conversation for weeks was about that N-word that was in the White House. Fortunately, I never talk politics at work, and this employer knew that my Dad had been very active in the Republican Party in Indiana as a precinct committeeman and having worked on Lugar's campaigns and was a close friend and business associate of John Mutz.
As a result, they never questioned my politics - thank goodness!
Sadly, there was only one person who reached out to us in the whole two years we lived there, and he was a first generation German immigrant who confided much the same concerns as ours.
Maybe my memories are inaccurate, but I don't remember Indiana being like this while I was growing up and living here before.
Wow, all these stories about rude, unfriendly people in Indiana. I'm so sorry for your unpleasant siutations! I grew up in Indianapolis, and lived in several suburbs on the south, west, and north side for over 40 years. I always found Indiana folks to be very down-to-earth and friendly (though I completely agree with the previous poster about the weather, and the fact that you might have to keep switching back and forth from heat to A/C!)
I have lived in various parts of the country the past several years, including another year back to Indy (Westfield actually). Indy will always be home to me, and I will always think it has a lot to offer. But to those whose experiences have felt less-than-welcoming, I don't blame you for feeling as you do.
When I lived in Boston I got very cold, rude vibes from a lot of people. You couldn't pay me enough to live there again. Many people think Boston is great, and say they have never noticed it being unfriendly. But my experience was bad, so no one will convince me otherwise.
I guess you just have to seek out friendly people, on meetup.com, or local social groups. I know for a fact there are plenty of fun, friendly people in Indy. If I still lived there I'd do my best to introduce you to some of them!
I feel the same way about Boston! That hit me like a ton of bricks too. I was expecting fun loving people and boy, I tell you, I couldn't wait to get away from the nasty people.
Indiana is much better than any of the surrounding states. It has jobs again - it's recovering without much help from the Feds. Home prices are starting to rise and it would be my pick of states to move my company to, if I was to have a voice in that.
Better than the surrounding states? I don't know if I would go that far. Chicago definitely trumps almost anything you could find in Indiana. Chicago's metro area, excluding the Wisconsin and Indiana portions of that metro, STILL has more people than the entire state of Indiana.
Ohio has Columbus, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Toledo, Akron, Dayton, and tons of other smaller cities all with tons to offer. I would say Indiana is about equal with Ohio, and in some regards is a step up since it doesn't have all the shrinking metro areas that Ohio does.
You definitely could say Indiana > Michigan, it was the only state in the nation to lose people from the 2000-2010 census.
I feel the same way about Boston! That hit me like a ton of bricks too. I was expecting fun loving people and boy, I tell you, I couldn't wait to get away from the nasty people.
I didn't feel that way when I was in Boston. Not sure what it is with some of you. NYC was the same way for me.
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I didnt have a problem fitting in or making friends where I am from. My husband actually was the more unpopular person and now the roles have reversed. Everyone seems to really like him here and I am the one people back away from.
The woman next door seemed judgy right from the get go. She drilled me with questions and some were inappropriate. It didnt take long for me to realize she likes to gossip about the neighbors. She has nicknames for everyone. The big people, the mixed couple, the family with the fat children (she doesnt like heavy set people apparently). Her BFF across the street is timid and looks terrifed talking to me. I can tell the woman next door rules her roost and her friendship. This woman asked one time if I had been a teenage mother. Who asks something like that? 
I put up with this for 2 yrs. One day she and I were making small talk and she made fun of a boy walking by. He is about 15 yrs old and I could tell something was different about him. She told me he was autistic. She joked he didnt need a halloween costume, just an axe. Implying he was creepy. That was enough for me. I told her in a polite and firm way I didnt like that kind of talk. The first time I had ever said anything to her in 2 yrs that I thought she was being rude. So now she wont even wave to me. She likes my husband though and will catch him when he gets home from work and chews his ear off. If I come outside she walks off. 
My son has a friend who parents seemed pretty cool. The father is really down to earth. The mother showed up to pick up her son and was cold as ice. We made small talk and when she got out to the driveway, she took one look at my Subaru and said, "Those are popular in the gay community." and walked off. 
Sooo...is she saying Im gay? 
