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And this is not about what you think. This is not about me wanting to give gifts that are unwanted or inappropriate. That's not what I am asking.
What is happening is that my daughter deliberately does not tell me what my grandkids want, so that she can get them the gift. In other words, if my grandkids want iPads and have iPads at the top of their Xmas list, I am not allowed to buy that, only the parents are. I am only allowed to buy the gifts that they want less, like pajamas or a board game.
I will ask my daughter, "Oh what does Cindy want for Xmas." Her reply is "Oh get her shorts, she needs shorts". Meanwhile what Cindy really wants is Legos and my daughter goes and gets her all the Legos in the whole store.
Methinks this is some kind of power trip coming from the parents. I find this disturbing.
I think that there is nothing to be done about it. That said, have a frequent relationship with your grand kids. Even if you don't get their big ticket item, you can still get things that they like that are more fun than shorts.
In my family, parents bought the big items. Grand parents had many more kids to buy for, so they bought smaller items. Maybe your daughter thinks it would be presmtuous to ask you to bbuy a $500 gift, while they buy pajamas. Perhaps there is another set of grand parents? Why do you think you should be the one to give the big gift?
I think that there is nothing to be done about it. That said, have a frequent relationship with your grand kids. Even if you don't get their big ticket item, you can still get things that they like that are more fun than shorts.
Hmm interesting logic here. You are the grandparent right, so you've had the the opportunity to raise your child(ren) to adulthood. In the gift giving category, it seems pretty logical for a parent to give their own child what they want and let the grandparents get the axillary items. The parents knows their child more, so of course they want to get the reward of seeing the excitement in the child's eye when they get what they asked for. Maybe there is a power struggle dynamic that's at work (and not fully disclosing the real issue in the OP).
The parents are the parents and of course have all the power.
You should really be grateful for a relationship and having some idea of what to get. If you are close to the grandkids, you would know what they are interested in but it seems this is a long distance relationship.
Is it possible that the parents do not want the kids to be overwhelmed with big ticket items? Or don't want to have to return something this is not exactly "right" after the child has opened the package? Kids can be so very picky these days too.
It is extraodinarily rude and controlling for my daughter to deliberately keep secret what my grandkids want for Christmas simply because she doesn't want me to buy them a specific gift.
If this is how she truly wants to parent, then she should have the chutzpah to say it to my face.
"Sorry but the items at the top of the list are for me to get because I am their mother. You can get them something else."
But instead, it's all very cloak and dagger and a big power grab.
I have no problem buying them pajamas. I have a problem with the way my daughter tries to control the gift-giving dynamic. It's sad and disturbing.
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