Dealing with "lost looks" (dying, male, graying, beauty)
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I don't know if I qualify to answer, as I have never been a "beauty", although I think I was better-looking than most women for most of my young and middle-aged adult years.
However, even though I have never been "gorgeous", it has been tough on me because until I turned 60 -- I'm 62 now -- I always looked good without putting on a lot of make-up or doing anything to my hair other than washing and brushing it. Now, no matter how much make-up I use or how I style and color my hair, I still look 60-ish. (Another shock because until I turned about 60, I could pass for being about 75% of my actual years. It seemed that turning 60 turned me into an old lady for some reason.)
Anyway, after going through a LOT of angst, I have just (for the most part, anyway) accepted the fact that I am a "senior", that I will never look even 45 again, and that the only things I can do to improve my self-image are to maintain a healthy weight, have as positive an outlook as I can, stay active both mentally and physically, continue to be well-groomed, and appreciate the fact that I have much to be grateful for, including a husband who still loves and values me despite my facial lines, whitening hair, and saggy skin.
I don't know if I qualify to answer, as I have never been a "beauty", although I think I was better-looking than most women for most of my young and middle-aged adult years.
However, even though I have never been "gorgeous", it has been tough on me because until I turned 60 -- I'm 62 now -- I always looked good without putting on a lot of make-up or doing anything to my hair other than washing and brushing it. Now, no matter how much make-up I use or how I style and color my hair, I still look 60-ish. (Another shock because until I turned about 60, I could pass for being about 75% of my actual years. It seemed that turning 60 turned me into an old lady for some reason.)
Anyway, after going through a LOT of angst, I have just (for the most part, anyway) accepted the fact that I am a "senior", that I will never look even 45 again, and that the only things I can do to improve my self-image are to maintain a healthy weight, have as positive an outlook as I can, stay active both mentally and physically, continue to be well-groomed, and appreciate the fact that I have much to be grateful for, including a husband who still loves and values me despite my facial lines, whitening hair, and saggy skin.
"There's a freedom in no longer obsessing about my looks that feels good. I hope you find it."
Um...
That's just it; I have NEVER given my looks (or clothes or hair) a second thought or devoted any time or energy to them. I was lucky in that I did look good while focusing entirely on other, less "shallow" things. But, like others have mentioned, when you begin to look sick or worn out or haggard, that's not a thing you feel good about, however "comfortable in your own skin" you are. As I say, I'll be the old lady on the beach in the bikini not giving a da*n, but while I'm still young enough to be in the game, so to speak, it's a change I'm noticing and adjusting to. I don't wish to HAVE to obsess over my looks...
For the first time ever...
This seems to be a big change from the way you were thinking just months ago, Otter. You've been saying right along that if someone is worried about looks or dress, then she is worried about how others perceive her.
Suddenly you are in the other boat. Is everything ok? I ask this in all seriousness, because this change seems to be rather sudden.
In answer to the OP question, I look in my mirror and think, "I look pretty good for my age", most days. But then someone takes a picture of me, (usually next to my daughter, lol), and I think----oh my god, what happened to me, when did I get so old. I used to be pretty.
Don't know the answer, Otterhere. I tell my husband (who works out incessantly) that we need to just "embrace it", getting older that is.
And I do think that embracing it includes doing what it takes to make you feel good about how you look, be it diet, makeup, hair color....whatever.
It's been different for me. I never thought of myself as attractive until recently (after I left the man who called me ugly nearly everyday). The thing is, now looking back, I had always been (mostly) attractive, but I never embraced what I had. So, I don't feel like I lost it, but just discovered it, and finally embracing it. What a difference thoughts can make.
One thing I do to help is I would buy nice clothes for my body now and not for that future body. I would try to still look good at any age, any weight, or any zit that comes along. No more saving it for tomorrow.
Being 55 and having severe heart failure wreaks havoc on the looks, mainly the tired look, hollow eyes pale ashen skin etc. Lucky is that I have no wrinkles all the females in the family have good skin, I am the youngest of the older part of the family. My DD who is 16 always remarks I look younger than moms of her classmates who are much younger. I never compare myself to celebrities who are of my age. They do not have my life. I got into some asian beauty skincare early 2014 and I do some skincare very little makeup. I am always home. Never was a vain person.
Not everybody just gets wrinkles when they get old.
Faces and bodies change. My face gets thinner and thinner. Aging gracefully is easy if you look the same just wrinkly.
Nowadays at 39, I get told I look sick or too skinny but I actually aren't. My mom is worried that I don't eat enough. I didn't lose or gain a pound in the last 10 years. It just distributes differently.
My face loses volume and the only way to avoid it is either gaining at least 20 lbs or fillers.
Aging sucks.
At 39? That's a little early, isn't it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
I can't believe people my age-ish feel old already! I am in my late 30s. I don't feel old at all. Until I talk to millenial about music. Or the time before smartphones.
I don't know when "old" starts, but certainly not in your 30s and 40s. That is prime time right there. You know who you are and what you want!
I was going to post this. I will be 39 this year, and I got carded a few weeks ago.
I wonder if aging is mostly genetic or mostly lifestyle?
The females in my family have horrible lifestyles, but good genetics.
Aging sure sneaks up on a person. I will be 54 in just 3 months.
I have noticed many things going downhill as I progress through peri-menopause. Skin elasticity, the in-ability to "bounce back" from illness and injuries. The need to make dietary changes, even though I have always tried to eat right. The more pressing need to start exercising and tone up. And on and on.
The skin on my face and neck.....time to use more Oil-of-Olay moisturizer cream.
Gray hair. I went gray at 21, but now....if I didn't color....I would be solid white. White just does NOT go well with my skin tone, as a redhead. It makes me washed out looking.
I also have been going through my wardrobe. It was time to toss the 30's-40's clothing, that somehow just looks out of place on a middle aged woman, still trying to lose weight.
Aging...does not come with instructions.
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Or the time before smartphones. 
