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I think at this point in my life, I've given up on black men. It's always something and in no way am I exaggerating. When I do meet a black man that is stable and has it together, he is gay....bummer. Then you have the ones that are date-worthy but are players because they know they are in demand....I think one poster here said that they knew a black guy that said it was too easy to date black women. So many are educated and looking for black men that it's just not challenging to date them. I can see how this is true. I mean if a brotha is not getting what he wants from one particular sista, then hey, there are many thousands more lined up...just take your pick. Unfortunately this proves to be devastating for black women like myself but I'm just really tired and burned out with the drama. In fact I'm so burned out that when black men approach me, I can't even get enthused about it. I'm not even motivated to act upon it.....and many more black women feel this way as well.
I think at this point in my life, I've given up on black men. It's always something and in no way am I exaggerating. When I do meet a black man that is stable and has it together, he is gay....bummer. Then you have the ones that are date-worthy but are players because they know they are in demand....I think one poster here said that they knew a black guy that said it was too easy to date black women. So many are educated and looking for black men that it's just not challenging to date them. I can see how this is true. I mean if a brotha is not getting what he wants from one particular sista, then hey, there are many thousands more lined up...just take your pick. Unfortunately this proves to be devastating for black women like myself but I'm just really tired and burned out with the drama. In fact I'm so burned out that when black men approach me, I can't even get enthused about it. I'm not even motivated to act upon it.....and many more black women feel this way as well.
Right there with you. I've tried to be positive and optimistic but it is really always something. Statistically, there are just not many eligible black men and they know it. The women know it. So a nice girl who is smart, nice and modest has no place in this competition. So often nice girls are passed up or not committed to because of the lure of an ego boost by desperate, willing to do anything black women. It's a vicious cycle. I have posted before statistics, facts that black men in my age group are not willing to get married or be serious. They supposedly "don't have to." And even ten years beyond my age group, it's the same story. Black women are overall least likely to get married and if they do, married much later in life than any other racial group and that is because of the men not wanting to or having to commit. I feel, as well as some of my girlfriends, that the odds are against us. Statistically speaking, they are.
I'm not trying to wait until I'm 35-40 for a black man to marry me. I am 24 and I am not trying to chase children around at 40 years old. Additionally, I am not willing to take on the baggage of someone else's children. Men get so angry about this!
They want to run around and impregnate these irresponsible, hood rat chicks and expect us to deal with it. I have a male friend, a generally nice guy, whose baby mama is a mess. Why was I helping him pick out Easter clothes for children that are not mine? The woman is pathetic and lazy but he had twins with her after allowing her to be his "jump-off." He gives her over 1000 a month for the children's care but she spends most of it on herself and not the kids. He attempts to keep the peace and gives her even more to try to ensure that the kids are taken care of. It's a mess.
We tried to date, but for obvious reasons, it didn't work out although I still love him as a friend and am willing to help. But as for the future, I feel that I deserve to have the experience of starting a family with a man who is as new to it as I am. Things happen, I know that. But it is just so common, I pretty much expect it especially from black men. It's a problem. Maybe it wouldn't be such an issue if the circumstances were different, i.e. he had only one child, one baby mama who was decent and they happened to have an accident.
I think at this point in my life, I've given up on black men. It's always something and in no way am I exaggerating. When I do meet a black man that is stable and has it together, he is gay....bummer. Then you have the ones that are date-worthy but are players because they know they are in demand....I think one poster here said that they knew a black guy that said it was too easy to date black women. So many are educated and looking for black men that it's just not challenging to date them. I can see how this is true. I mean if a brotha is not getting what he wants from one particular sista, then hey, there are many thousands more lined up...just take your pick. Unfortunately this proves to be devastating for black women like myself but I'm just really tired and burned out with the drama. In fact I'm so burned out that when black men approach me, I can't even get enthused about it. I'm not even motivated to act upon it.....and many more black women feel this way as well.
As a black man, all I can tell you sweetheart is that if you feel it's time to give up on us then you've either been looking in the wrong places or you've been attracting the wrong element (no offense). Because there are way too many of us good ones out there that are willing to treat a lady right. No hang-ups, no strings attached, and no skeletons in the closet.
Or maybe it's you? Maybe the type of black man you needed was right in front of your face but you decided he wasn't worth your time because his pockets wasn't swollen or he didn't look like Mr. Universe (I've been turned down because of my lack of money). I'm not saying you've done this, but many black women have. So it's not always us, sometimes it's y'all. Remember that black men have feelings too.
The point l'm trying to make is that I've had plenty of bad experiences with black women but I'll never give up on them.
Right there with you. I've tried to be positive and optimistic but it is really always something. Statistically, there are just not many eligible black men and they know it. The women know it. So a nice girl who is smart, nice and modest has no place in this competition. So often nice girls are passed up or not committed to because of the lure of an ego boost by desperate, willing to do anything black women. It's a vicious cycle. I have posted before statistics, facts that black men in my age group are not willing to get married or be serious. They supposedly "don't have to." And even ten years beyond my age group, it's the same story. Black women are overall least likely to get married and if they do, married much later in life than any other racial group and that is because of the men not wanting to or having to commit. I feel, as well as some of my girlfriends, that the odds are against us. Statistically speaking, they are.
I'm not trying to wait until I'm 35-40 for a black man to marry me. I am 24 and I am not trying to chase children around at 40 years old. Additionally, I am not willing to take on the baggage of someone else's children. Men get so angry about this!
They want to run around and impregnate these irresponsible, hood rat chicks and expect us to deal with it. I have a male friend, a generally nice guy, whose baby mama is a mess. Why was I helping him pick out Easter clothes for children that are not mine? The woman is pathetic and lazy but he had twins with her after allowing her to be his "jump-off." He gives her over 1000 a month for the children's care but she spends most of it on herself and not the kids. He attempts to keep the peace and gives her even more to try to ensure that the kids are taken care of. It's a mess.
We tried to date, but for obvious reasons, it didn't work out although I still love him as a friend and am willing to help. But as for the future, I feel that I deserve to have the experience of starting a family with a man who is as new to it as I am. Things happen, I know that. But it is just so common, I pretty much expect it especially from black men. It's a problem. Maybe it wouldn't be such an issue if the circumstances were different, i.e. he had only one child, one baby mama who was decent and they happened to have an accident.
Ehhh, it kind of sounds to me like you might not be ready to get married. After all you're still real young.
Now it seems to me that if you truly love that man you would love his children as well. So to suggest that a man who has children from a previous relationship is less eligible sounds a little selfish. Fact of the matter is many women in their 30s and 40s are more than happy to love a man like this.
So to suggest that a man who has children from a previous relationship is less eligible sounds a little selfish.
Just a little. On the other hand I can understand a woman's desire to start a brand new life with a brand new man. But with such standards you're sorely limiting your options in today's world. Many brothas have kids from relationships in their "past lives"..."sowing their wild oats". As a young guy it is VERY hard for a man to resist that urge to just go out and be a man. To this day women don't understand that.
Don't cheat yourself out of a possibly beautiful relationship because of something like this. Because in my case, if a woman don't want me just because I have kids, that's her loss in my opinion.
Ehhh, it kind of sounds to me like you might not be ready to get married. After all you're still real young.
Now it seems to me that if you truly love that man you would love his children as well. So to suggest that a man who has children from a previous relationship is less eligible sounds a little selfish. Fact of the matter is many women in their 30s and 40s are more than happy to love a man like this.
I'm not ready to get married today, right now. I have more things to accomplish. But generally speaking it's hard to even find a serious relationship that could ever lead to marriage in my age group. More men of other races consider marriage and family in their future whereas this is less so in black men. Again, this is a statistic. It can be proven in figures. Black women do not get married as often as women of other races and if they do, it is generally much later. If I specifically wait for a black man in order to get married, chances are I will be waiting quite longer than other women of other races. It is just truth.
As far as loving a man's children, I love children. I am all too open to loving a man's children if I love him but I feel like the situation of dating a man with kids should be an exception, not the rule. I don't feel there's anything wrong with hoping to start a family with a man with no kids or at least one without baby mama drama. 65% of black children grow up in single parent homes. Therefore, there is a lot of baby mama drama out there.
As far as being selfish, I think it's selfish that so many black men (I am not saying ALL) impregnate women, often more than one woman, and run around going wild and expect their future wife to deal with their past indiscretions. To me, that is very selfish.
By the way, I am not asking more of someone than I am asking from myself. I only expect of someone else what I expect of myself. That goes across the board.
Just a little. On the other hand I can understand a woman's desire to start a brand new life with a brand new man. But with such standards you're sorely limiting your options in today's world. Many brothas have kids from relationships in their "past lives"..."sowing their wild oats". As a young guy it is VERY hard for a man to resist that urge to just go out and be a man. To this day women don't understand that.
Don't cheat yourself out of a possibly beautiful relationship because of something like this. Because in my case, if a woman don't want me just because I have kids, that's her loss in my opinion.
But why must the fruits of "sowing wild oats" be illegitimate children? Where is the discretion? Why is this so acceptable in our race versus others and who is thinking about these children with broken families?
I probably should emphasize, I have dated men with kids. But more often than not, the kids come with baby mama drama. I don't feel I should have to deal with that. I'm sorry.
All that being said, I'm not giving up on black men. All is not lost. I guess I'm just venting and I have my gripes. So truthfully, whatever will be will be. I am not limited in my options.
Never dated a man with kids and never would. If he got that chick pregnant and didn't marry her, presumably he'd do the same to me seeing as I don't have a gold-plated hoo-ha or anything. Nope. Don't do daddies. They're so not worth it. I don't think I missed out on anything except men who don't have enough respect for their gene pool to be careful who they shared their DNA with. At the bare minimum I expect a man to have a certain amount of discipline and self-respect. Men who broadcast their seed like Miracle Gro are just, Ewww.
Never dated a man with kids and never would. If he got that chick pregnant and didn't marry her, presumably he'd do the same to me seeing as I don't have a gold-plated hoo-ha or anything. Nope. Don't do daddies. They're so not worth it. I don't think I missed out on anything except men who don't have enough respect for their gene pool to be careful who they shared their DNA with. At the bare minimum I expect a man to have a certain amount of discipline and self-respect. Men who broadcast their seed like Miracle Gro are just, Ewww.
In my opinion, a woman like you will never have the right to complain about the shortage of men. Fifteen years down the line, should you still be single, don't bother asking where all the good men are because you probably would've dismissed dozens of them by choice.
I don't mean to sound harsh but your comments are so wrongfully judgmental. So many of you women automatically assume that the father is no longer with the mother because of something HE did. How do you know it wasn't HER. How do you know he didn't leave her because she's an unfit mother or wife?
And even if he did leave her there's no guarantee he'd do the same to you. People fall in and out of love.
Karrobe made some valid points, but yours were rather disrespectful to single fathers. They're not all the same. Black men have a hard enough time being stereotyped by other races. We shouldn't have to put up with it from our own women. I know I won't.
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