Successful black men in GA (Atlanta, White: donating, area, dating)
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I can't help but wonder how many of you black women that have given up on "us" were ever once critical of black men who have given up on black women. I just don't understand why we continue to do this to each other.
Who knows? Maybe the problem is in the Atlanta metro! Some of you sistas should probably try the black dating scene over here in Texas.
That's a joke right? Black men have technically "given up" on black women and have been dating outside of their race for years. We are the ones that have been standing true to our men all this time and trying to work with them only to find out that they treat us like crap. And this is AFTER we try to lower our standards and date someone that we know really don't deserve. (Since according to men we are just too picky and lowering our standards is what we should do... ) Hell even unattractive men treat us bad.
Also, no I've lived in Texas and currently in Florida and dating scene for blacks is bad in those places too.
I've never been a woman so I won't pretend to know how you all feel. I just can't understand the idea of y'all turning down a relationship with a man just because he has kids. Especially in a culture where so many black dudes care NOTHING about their own children. I would think that you would find it commendable that a BLACK MAN is handling his business and taking care of his responsibility.
Should you begin a relationship with this brotha, if he was a REAL MAN and truly LOVES you, he would not let the baby mama or his jealous kids become a problem. He would let his ex know that you are his woman and she has to respect that. He would let his kids know that you are his woman and they also have to respect that.
And so what there may be some problems every now and again? What's life without even a little drama. That's the test of strength in love in my opinion.
There's nothing wrong with dating outside your race, but don't do it simply because you're "tired of black men".
I've never been a woman so I won't pretend to know how you all feel. I just can't understand the idea of y'all turning down a relationship with a man just because he has kids. Especially in a culture where so many black dudes care NOTHING about their own children. I would think that you would find it commendable that a BLACK MAN is handling his business and taking care of his responsibility.
Should you begin a relationship with this brotha, if he was a REAL MAN and truly LOVES you, he would not let the baby mama or his jealous kids become a problem. He would let his ex know that you are his woman and she has to respect that. He would let his kids know that you are his woman and they also have to respect that.
And so what there may be some problems every now and again? What's life without even a little drama. That's the test of strength in love in my opinion.
There's nothing wrong with dating outside your race, but don't do it simply because you're "tired of black men".
Your first statement is a lot of the problem though. Why should we give men a cookie for something that they are supposed to do i.e. take care of their children? We shouldn't have to be impressed by something like that. Why should we see a man and say "wow, he actually takes care of his kids!" That is a low standard right there and it's not fair. Just being honest.
Love is about strength and going through things but that shouldn't be the BASE of a relationship...problems and drama. This is a typical misconception especially perpetuated by black men. Like a previous poster said, support does not mean dealing with all the drama and problems you have created for yourself out of bad and/or childish behavior. That is living life selfishly and no, it is not fair to your future wife.
That's a joke right? Black men have technically "given up" on black women and have been dating outside of their race for years. We are the ones that have been standing true to our men all this time and trying to work with them only to find out that they treat us like crap. And this is AFTER we try to lower our standards and date someone that we know really don't deserve. (Since according to men we are just too picky and lowering our standards is what we should do... ) Hell even unattractive men treat us bad.
Also, no I've lived in Texas and currently in Florida and dating scene for blacks is bad in those places too.
And just how long have you been a black man? How can you tell me what we've been doing? I will NEVER give up on black women and neither have any of the men I associate with.
Besides, you have black men that date white women simply because they're more attracted to them and then you have those that have given up on y'all. Black men that have quit on black women are often times WEAK. Not strong enough to deal with it.
And the point I was trying to make is don't criticize BM for leaving BW if you're contemplating doing the same thing. That's the cat calling the kettle black.
And you certainly have the right to be picky, and it may just land you with the man you want. But that's a real time consuming gamble.
Your first statement is a lot of the problem though. Why should we give men a cookie for something that they are supposed to do i.e. take care of their children? We shouldn't have to be impressed by something like that. Why should we see a man and say "wow, he actually takes care of his kids!" That is a low standard right there and it's not fair. Just being honest.
Love is about strength and going through things but that shouldn't be the BASE of a relationship...problems and drama. This is a typical misconception especially perpetuated by black men. Like a previous poster said, support does not mean dealing with all the drama and problems you have created for yourself out of bad and/or childish behavior. That is living life selfishly and no, it is not fair to your future wife.
I, myself have been duped and seduced after these years of dating black men ( I can only imagine what it is like for my older counterparts!) into lowering my standards and being impressed by things that I shouldn't be impressed by. Just living in Atlanta has caused me to do that these past three years! I have recently come to my senses and started to realize that I do deserve more because of what I have and am willing to give to my partner. I have learned this by being exposed to other races. We as black women are indeed expected to settle and it's not right.
I've never been a woman so I won't pretend to know how you all feel. I just can't understand the idea of y'all turning down a relationship with a man just because he has kids. Especially in a culture where so many black dudes care NOTHING about their own children. I would think that you would find it commendable that a BLACK MAN is handling his business and taking care of his responsibility.
Should you begin a relationship with this brotha, if he was a REAL MAN and truly LOVES you, he would not let the baby mama or his jealous kids become a problem. He would let his ex know that you are his woman and she has to respect that. He would let his kids know that you are his woman and they also have to respect that.
And so what there may be some problems every now and again? What's life without even a little drama. That's the test of strength in love in my opinion.
There's nothing wrong with dating outside your race, but don't do it simply because you're "tired of black men".
Good post, especially the last part.
After my wife and I read these posts, we are both glad we're not in you ladies' shoes. We are fortunate, and it reinforces what we vowed to do. I count my blessings everyday and so does she.
You guys and girls make my minor complaining of her makeup on my side of the bathroom meaningless . I will look forward to seeing her make up on my side this evening, and embrace it.
I'm also glad she has no emotional issues (baggage to speak of), and disdain for men (black men, especially. Her father is a black man, why should she hate black men?).
Your first statement is a lot of the problem though. Why should we give men a cookie for something that they are supposed to do i.e. take care of their children? We shouldn't have to be impressed by something like that. Why should we see a man and say "wow, he actually takes care of his kids!" That is a low standard right there and it's not fair. Just being honest.
Love is about strength and going through things but that shouldn't be the BASE of a relationship...problems and drama. This is a typical misconception especially perpetuated by black men. Like a previous poster said, support does not mean dealing with all the drama and problems you have created for yourself out of bad and/or childish behavior. That is living life selfishly and no, it is not fair to your future wife.
Well no offense but I'm not interested in being with a woman who's not willing to go thru thick and thin with me. HER MAN. Because as black men, we're not scared to say that we need the black woman's support. We've needed it and cherished since the days of slavery. But if we don't find it with you we'll get it from the next sista. And that's the truth. "I love you, and you're my woman. But I need to know that you're not gonna start trippin over some b.s. Even after I told you I'd do anything to make you happy."
As for the fathers thing, maybe that's just me and where I come from. My father wasn't there for me and neither was many of the dads of the black boys I grew up around. My stepdad took me in and raised me as his own, so that's commendable to me.
Well no offense but I'm not interested in being with a woman who's not willing to go thru thick and thin with me. HER MAN. Because as black men, we're not scared to say that we need the black woman's support. We've needed it and cherished since the days of slavery. But if we don't find it with you we'll get it from the next sista. And that's the truth. "I love you, and you're my woman. But I need to know that you're not gonna start trippin over some b.s. Even after I told you I'd do anything to make you happy."
As for the fathers thing, maybe that's just me and where I come from. My father wasn't there for me and neither was many of the dads of the black boys I grew up around. My stepdad took me in and raised me as his own, so that's commendable to me.
I think you're taking my points the wrong way. It is commendable to me that a man can be a good father but because he actually takes care of the kids he had out of wedlock, I shouldn't give the man a cookie. Not sure if that makes sense.
I am willing to go through thick and thin with my mate but I don't feel that we should be going through thick and thin from day one. In my few years dating thus far, I have learned the difference between carrying and supporting. Many black men expect to be carried rather than supported. Again, this is not all black men but I would venture to say a good majority. I have carried a couple and thought that I was supporting. There is a big difference. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this the right way.
I think you're taking my points the wrong way. It is commendable to me that a man can be a good father but because he actually takes care of the kids he had out of wedlock, I shouldn't give the man a cookie. Not sure if that makes sense.
I am willing to go through thick and thin with my mate but I don't feel that we should be going through thick and thin from day one. In my few years dating thus far, I have learned the difference between carrying and supporting. Many black men expect to be carried rather than supported. Again, this is not all black men but I would venture to say a good majority. I have carried a couple and thought that I was supporting. There is a big difference. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this the right way.
The Question that begs to be asked is: What kind of men have you been dating? Without sounding too rude or disrespectful, your standards may have been a bit on the low end . Just an observation. Hope you didn't take offense. If you get similar results from who you date, it's because you're doing the same things (poor choices and dating the same types over and over). Either that, or there are serious internal issues.
For analysis purposes:
Let's say:
IF a woman or man from, let's say the ages of 25 to 35 who has dated an average of 10-15people of the opposite sex for about 5 years. And if that person tells me they have not found something decent, or made something good come out of any of these 10-15 people (not even a friendship), the problem lies in that person. I'm sorry, if a woman or man, black or white, has dated so many people, and did not do well with one person, that's who I start to question. That person, not the 10-15 people. I'm sorry. I call it what it is.
I'm sorry, but the whole "being picky" excuse is just that. A sorry EXCUSE!
It just masks insecurities that person may have. I believe in standards. I will not date a woman with no class, an uneducated woman, a loud, rude or bitter woman, a woman without daddy in her life, and so forth. That being said, I remove all these types from my list and work with those that fit the criteria that I am looking for in a woman. The same should be done for the ladies here.
If you have standards and are picky, you set the bar higher for everything you do and everything/everyone around you: Your education, friends, professional colleagues, activities, where you live etc. That also goes for who you accept or invite into your love life/date/friendship/courtship, and therefore negates or reduces the whole "he or she is not my type" rubbish.
Ex: You can't tell me you're educated, raised by two good parents, are a philanthropist, professional, are spiritual etc.. but your female friends are trashy/ghetto women (with issues) and you have a fetish for thugs. You eventually reap what you sow. The results will never be good, if you're picky and have higher standards. I hope I made this clear.
Now, I'm not going to talk about the man or woman who is only looking for fun and sex and dating just for fun. That's a different story.
I think you're taking my points the wrong way. It is commendable to me that a man can be a good father but because he actually takes care of the kids he had out of wedlock, I shouldn't give the man a cookie. Not sure if that makes sense.
I am willing to go through thick and thin with my mate but I don't feel that we should be going through thick and thin from day one. In my few years dating thus far, I have learned the difference between carrying and supporting. Many black men expect to be carried rather than supported. Again, this is not all black men but I would venture to say a good majority. I have carried a couple and thought that I was supporting. There is a big difference. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this the right way.
No you're being perfectly clear. And of course if a man expects you to carry him that's not a healthy relationship at all.
But a real man don't want his woman to take on all his problems. He just wants her to support him. And he doesn't want her to let it come between them as long as he's doing everything on his part to make sure she's okay.
When my stepdad married my mother he supported her and dealt with the fact she already had children. He dealt with her receiving no child support, he dealt with that man calling HIS house asking to speak to my mama, and most of all, he dealt with ME lol. And I was not easy to put up with. But he endured those situations because he loves my mom and they've been in marital bliss for almost 20 yrs.
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) Hell even unattractive men treat us bad.
. I will look forward to seeing her make up on my side this evening, and embrace it. 
Without sounding too rude or disrespectful, your standards may have been a bit on the low end 
