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I dont get all these educated beatiuful sistas and dudes gay. I kinda wish I was in ATL but I think about it; and I just love living in Houston being a successful black man it must be contagious or something down in Atlanta.
You know what I can agree with you on that I have a few co workers that I tell the same thing to WOW!
Quote:
Originally Posted by RZaakir
Personally, I'm over looks. Though I've noticed an interesting phenomenon where marginally-attractive women like to blame their lack of success with men on men being caught up on looks when the reality is that they just aren't that interesting.
Men ALWAYS take a woman's looks into consideration. They may not be #1 on the list when a man gets to a certain point of maturity, but I have no doubt that they are in the top 3, or at least no further down than #5. It goes back to what Steve Harvey wrote in his book about the male ego and how men measure themselves as men, and what they like/need to do after they have achieved those things that make them confident in their manhood.
I have never seen a "successful" man choose as his woman/wife a woman the majority of his peers would find unattractive (for whatever reason), no matter if she did have every other quality he wanted in a woman. I'm not saying it can't be or hasn't been done, because I'm sure it has been... somewhere. I just haven't seen it.
'Interesting' is subjective. What's not interesting to you may be very interesting to someone else. It's simply a compatibility issue, but you make it sound like a character flaw. And for the record, I've never heard of a man dropping a woman because they weren't interested in the same things; that's actually a good thing because it means they don't have to be joined at the hip. I have; however, heard of a man dropping a woman because her looks didn't meet the approval of his "boys" - which takes us back to my first paragraph. Again, I'm not saying it hasn't happened, I'm just saying I haven't seen it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RZaakir
If a man is looking for somebody to sleep with then sure. But I would go out on a limb and bet that most men - ESPECIALLY "successful" men - looking for a long term relationship consider much more than looks when looking for a woman.
Personally, I'm over looks. Though I've noticed an interesting phenomenon where marginally-attractive women like to blame their lack of success with men on men being caught up on looks when the reality is that they just aren't that interesting.
If your question is directed at me, then yes, I do believe women judge on appearance. But, there is a difference between men and women in this regard. Women are more willing to give an unattractive man (whatever is unattractive to her) a real chance if he's got everything else she's looking for. She will be seen in public with him on a date. Men usually don't do that. They will sleep with a woman they (or their friends) find unattractive, but won't be seen in public with her on a date.
Men ALWAYS take a woman's looks into consideration. They may not be #1 on the list when a man gets to a certain point of maturity, but I have no doubt that they are in the top 3, or at least no further down than #5. It goes back to what Steve Harvey wrote in his book about the male ego and how men measure themselves as men, and what they like/need to do after they have achieved those things that make them confident in their manhood.
I have never seen a "successful" man choose as his woman/wife a woman the majority of his peers would find unattractive (for whatever reason), no matter if she did have every other quality he wanted in a woman. I'm not saying it can't be or hasn't been done, because I'm sure it has been... somewhere. I just haven't seen it.
'Interesting' is subjective. What's not interesting to you may be very interesting to someone else. It's simply a compatibility issue, but you make it sound like a character flaw. And for the record, I've never heard of a man dropping a woman because they weren't interested in the same things; that's actually a good thing because it means they don't have to be joined at the hip. I have; however, heard of a man dropping a woman because her looks didn't meet the approval of his "boys" - which takes us back to my first paragraph. Again, I'm not saying it hasn't happened, I'm just saying I haven't seen it.
LadyRo ~
You really do need to expand your circle...
Yes, interesting is subjective... but the point of this thread is what SUCCESSFUL men want in a woman. I don't think the "interesting" factor is all that hard to figure out... here is my guess.
Successful men want to find success in their home lives as well as in their professional lives. Therefore, the ARE interested in a woman's personality and interests... far more so than her looks. True, they won't date an extremely unattractive woman, but reasonable attractive - that's a go.
"Reasonably attractive" has A LOT of latitude. A LOT of latitude. Attractiveness isn't always about looks alone. A woman who is naturally curious, intelligent, nearly always up beat and optimistic, spiritual, always SMILING, [and by smiling, I mean a genuine smile, not a plastic smile] all these things add to a woman's attractiveness.
I think the guys here will agree that an extremely attractive woman can lose attractiveness points very quickly once she opens her mouth and starts bitchin'... talkin' trash about other people is very UNattractive, because if you talk trash about others, the person listening to you has to wonder "when is she going to start talking trash about me."
I believe successful men seeking a long-term relationship are also looking for a good mother for their future children. And they want someone with whom they can sing "grow old with me, the best is yet to be."
Successful men want to find a woman who will love them on their worst days... such as the day they lose their job, and the day their dog dies. Decent men want to find a woman who has VALUES, STRENGTH, and someone they can TRUST with their deepest held fears and secrets.
Successful BLACK men have learned to not make excuses. They KNOW life is not fair. Everything they got, they have FOUGHT to get. A successful black man oftentimes works 2-3x as hard as a successful white man... or even more than that if he pulled himself up from an impoverished family life situation. Successful black men do not want to hear women who make excuses either... making excuses never helps anyone get ahead in this life. SUCCESSFUL black men know this truth and they live by this truth.
What they are NOT looking for are gold-diggers, and they are NOT looking for someone who is going to order them around all the time and treat them like children.
If you want a successful man, you need to approach the relationship as a PARTNERSHIP from day one... there is a time and place for a man to wine and dine his woman, just as there is a time and place for a woman to pamper her man... but day-in, day-out the relationship needs to be a partnership.
If a man does not find a woman interesting, I'd wager a bet that's because he cannot see a partnership in the relationship. You do not have to share each and every hobby and goal with your life partner, but you should be able to encourage and support one another in each others hobbies and life goals.
You may think I have no business weighing in on this topic, and maybe you're right... but I have been married to a "successful black man" from GA for the past 18 years, and I think that counts for something.
Truth be told, a lot of people won't think of my husband as successful. Financially, we are not well off, never have been. He doesn't make a lot of money, we live pretty much hand to mouth. He has an associates degree and really is not interested in pursuing any further schooling. But that's not important to me.
My husband is successful in my eyes because he's a really good dad, faithful to his wife, loves the Lord Jesus Christ, and holds down a full time job. He's a man of character - that's what, in my eyes, makes a man a "successful man".
Last edited by StPaulEastSider; 05-05-2009 at 10:15 PM..
I have; however, heard of a man dropping a woman because her looks didn't meet the approval of his "boys" - which takes us back to my first paragraph. Again, I'm not saying it hasn't happened, I'm just saying I haven't seen it.
Come on! A mature, forward thinking man is not dropping a woman because her looks do not meet the approval of his "boys". That is some college boy/frat boy type stuff. I have a few married friends. None of them sought out my approval regarding their wives looks. I sure as heck did not seek out their approval when it came to my wife's looks. Are there men out there that do it? Of course. Are these the kind men a mature woman should even consider? H*ll no!
Any man who halfway has a future is thinking long term when it comes to a potential mate. What kind of mother will she be? What kind of home does she keep? Is she the nurturing type? Can she get along with my family members (particularly my mother)? Is she emotionally supportive? Does she hold grudges? Does she really love me unconditionally or will she bail if the finances dry up? Does she have to have the last word? These are the kinds of things grown men are thinking about when he is looking for a woman he wants to be with for the long haul. I am not talking about the cats looking for casual sex. Those men could care less about the things above.
Are looks important? Of course. No one wants to be with someone they are not attracted to. But even the finest woman will strike out if she finds herself on the wrong side of many of the questions above. At least that is the case with mature men who know what they want. You can't project experiences with the fly by night guys onto all men.
I couldn't really get past your first sentence. I have a serious problem with STRANGERS assuming things about me, and telling me what I need to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StPaulEastSider
LadyRo ~
You really do need to expand your circle...
Yes, interesting is subjective... but the point of this thread is what SUCCESSFUL men want in a woman. I don't think the "interesting" factor is all that hard to figure out... here is my guess.
Successful men want to find success in their home lives as well as in their professional lives. Therefore, the ARE interested in a woman's personality and interests... far more so than her looks. True, they won't date an extremely unattractive woman, but reasonable attractive - that's a go. "Reasonably attractive" has A LOT of latitude. A LOT of latitude.
Attractiveness isn't always about looks alone. A woman who is naturally curious, intelligent, nearly always up beat and optimistic, spiritual, always SMILING, [and by smiling, I mean a genuine smile, not a plastic smile] all these things add to a woman's attractiveness.
I think the guys here will agree that an extremely attractive woman can lose attractiveness points very quickly once she opens her mouth and starts bitchin'... talkin' trash about other people is also attractive, because if you talk trash about others, the person listening has to wonder "when is she going to start talking trash about me."
I believe successful men seeking a long-term relationship are also looking for a good mother for their future children. And they want someone with whom they can sing "grow old with me, the best is yet to be."
Decent men want to find a woman who will love them on their worst days... such as the day they lose their job, and the day their dog dies.
Decent men want to find a woman who has VALUES and someone they can TRUST...
What they are NOT looking for are gold-diggers, and they are NOT looking for someone who is going to order them around all the time and treat them like children.
If you want a successful man, you need to approach the relationship as a PARTNERSHIP from day one... there is a time and place for a man to wine and dine his woman, just as there is a time and place for a woman to pamper her man... but day-in, day-out the relationship needs to be a partnership.
If a man does not find a woman interesting, I'd wager a bet that's because he cannot see a partnership in the relationship. You do not have to share each and every hobby and goal with your life partner, but you should be able to encourage and support one another in each others hobbies and life goals.
You may think I have no business weighing in on this topic, and maybe you're right... but I have been married to a "successful black man" from GA for the past 18 years, and I think that counts for something.
Truth be told, a lot of people won't think of my husband as successful. Financially, we are not well off, never have been. He doesn't make a lot of money, we live pretty much hand to mouth. He has an associates degree and really is not interested in pursuing any further schooling. But that's not important to me.
My husband is successful in my eyes because he's a really good dad, faithful to his wife, loves the Lord Jesus Christ, and holds down a full time job. He's a man of character, he loves his wife, he loves his kids, he loves his Lord - that's what, in my eyes, makes a man "successful".
No, you come on. Again, I never said it didn't or couldn't happen. I only said I hadn't seen it. You cannot tell me what I have and have not seen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliDude1
Come on! A mature, forward thinking man is not dropping a woman because her looks do not meet the approval of his "boys". That is some college boy/frat boy type stuff. I have a few married friends. None of them sought out my approval regarding their wives looks. I sure as heck did not seek out their approval when it came to my wife's looks. Are there men out there that do it? Of course. Are these the kind men a mature woman should even consider? H*ll no!
Any man who halfway has a future is thinking long term when it comes to a potential mate. What kind of mother will she be? What kind of home does she keep? Is she the nurturing type? Can she get along with my family members (particularly my mother)? Is she emotionally supportive? Does she hold grudges? Does she really love me unconditionally or will she bail if the finances dry up? Does she have to have the last word? These are the kinds of things grown men are thinking about when he is looking for a woman he wants to be with for the long haul. I am not talking about the cats looking for casual sex. Those men could care less about the things above.
Are looks important? Of course. No one wants to be with someone they are not attracted to. But even the finest woman will strike out if she finds herself on the wrong side of many of the questions above. At least that is the case with mature men who know what they want. You can't project experiences with the fly by night guys onto all men.
It's like this...men are physical, women are emotional. I do believe that women would be more inclined to date a man that is not as attractive vs. a man dating a woman that is not as attractive. There is nothing wrong with that, its just human nature. Honestly, women and men, when you look at a person do you say to yourself "dam he/she looks smart?" I doubt it.lol...we say "dam he/she looks good" why? Because they are pleasing to the eye, and that is the first thing we notice because we have not had conversation with them at that point. I have seen a lot of "successful" brothas get burned tho, by dating the beautiful, model types, who initially came off like they weren't gold diggers, but turned out to be just that and worse. So...I guess it just is what it is...lol..we live and we learn.
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