Bad vibes in small town Western WA (Seattle, Tacoma: appointed, transplants)
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Hello everybody. This is my first post here, and I feel compelled to tell you all about the reality I am facing here in small town Western WA. I have a lot to say about this area where I have been living for the past two years.
I've lived in Centralia and Yelm, and have travelled all over the state. Before living in Washington I lived in several different states and different countries, so I have seen many different cultures and ways of life. I feel like I have a knack for looking at people and places, and getting down below the surface to see the real deal.
The general vibe in the small towns of Western Washington is really bad. People tend to act extremely unfriendly and cold. This is definitely the most unfriendly state in the US I have ever lived in. It is ALL about the individual out here and there is very little sense of community. Many people only care about themselves and the small circle of people in their lives. Half the people out here just act like cold, mean, angry folks unless they have some reason that they need to be nice to you. They just act mean and rude by default.
There is a very fake surface level politeness, but beneath that politeness the person is judging, sizing you up, thinking bad thoughts about you. It is definitely the most two-faced place I've ever seen.
Small mindedness.... it is very bad here. I meet so many people who are VERY uneducated and ignorant. Lots and lots of people who meet the stereotype of "trailer trash". Just extremely simple minded and crude. Very naïve and sheltered individuals with VERY limited horizons. But of course, these people also act as though they know it all and they have the attitude of entitlement
Violence, lots of violence. Most of it is passive-aggressive. Most of the guys in small town Western WA have a major insecure macho complex. They have the swagger and the mean look, constantly trying to be tough. The worst thing about it is that most of these guys are actually cowards. Most of them just act that way because they are packing a gun, or they are with friends. If you actually confront people in Western WA on their passive-aggressive behavior, face to face, one on one, they will just give you that fake two-faced smile and act like they don't know what you're talking about.
It's like a bunch of savages who pretend to be civilized people.
The partisan politics is ridiculous too. Most people I met in Yelm and Centralia were EXTREMELY ignorant about politics. But of course, they all had their strong views on things. They were basically just brainwashed to think in a certain way, and now they are mindlessly following the path they were lead on. Like true sheep, they are programmed to think a certain way, but they think it is their own opinion.
Of course there are some good things about the people too. But overall I have to say that I am disappointed with people around here. It is just so passive-aggressive and narrow-minded out here. So many people with a chip on their shoulder who just act lousy.
I have not made friends with any native born Washingtonians yet, just a bunch of flaky superficial connections with them. Every time I do meet someone who wants to hang out, they are also a transplant from outside WA! I have now started to seek out people grew up outside of WA for socializing. People who grew up here are just too cold and closed off.
Basically the culture in small town Western WA is just totally full of shallow rudeness and ignorance. And the people don't know what they are doing because it's just all they know. It's a backwards place. Lots of the behavior is just so petty. Everybody is hating on each other, but why?
Huh. I moved to small town Western, WA just last spring. I've run into exactly one rude person here. I'm not the type to develop immediate close friendships - I prefer to get to know people gradually - but I have met many wonderful people, and consider some of them friends. Just today, my husband and I drove with a small caravan of people we hadn't met before, to deliver supplies to people in Darrington that none of us had met before.
You're talking about "naive, ignorant, trailer trash" people in one breath, then turning around and calling THEM judgemental. Do you see the hypocrisy here?
I'm sorry your experiences have been so disappointing, but I think it's unfair to paint all western Washington small towns with the same brush. Maybe you need to try a different town.
Huh. I moved to small town Western, WA just last spring. I've run into exactly one rude person here. I'm not the type to develop immediate close friendships - I prefer to get to know people gradually - but I have met many wonderful people, and consider some of them friends. Just today, my husband and I drove with a small caravan of people we hadn't met before, to deliver supplies to people in Darrington that none of us had met before.
You're talking about "naive, ignorant, trailer trash" people in one breath, then turning around and calling THEM judgemental. Do you see the hypocrisy here?
I'm sorry your experiences have been so disappointing, but I think it's unfair to paint all western Washington small towns with the same brush. Maybe you need to try a different town.
I do see your point about the hypocrisy of calling them trailer trash and judgmental at the same time. But indeed, they are both, and there is logic to it.
I have personally lived in a couple trailers myself. So I can call myself trailer trash too. I am part of the elite inside club who can say that word
It's just a wild vibe in many towns around here. Very "anything goes". I saw this phenomenon in Yelm, Aberdeen, Forks, Shelton, Centralia, Tenino.... basically all those towns in Southwest WA.
I see people running around on meth, stealing things, breaking into houses all around, walking around totally out of control, committing lots of crimes, lots of dudes looking for fights, just very destructive. After dark in all these towns it gets pretty sketchy.
I know it's real. It's a Western WA thing. It's a country version of the "Seattle freeze" pretty much.
I do see your point about the hypocrisy of calling them trailer trash and judgmental at the same time. But indeed, they are both, and there is logic to it.
I have personally lived in a couple trailers myself. So I can call myself trailer trash too. I am part of the elite inside club who can say that word
It's just a wild vibe in many towns around here. Very "anything goes". I saw this phenomenon in Yelm, Aberdeen, Forks, Shelton, Centralia, Tenino.... basically all those towns in Southwest WA.
I see people running around on meth, stealing things, breaking into houses all around, walking around totally out of control, committing lots of crimes, lots of dudes looking for fights, just very destructive. After dark in all these towns it gets pretty sketchy.
I know it's real. It's a Western WA thing. It's a country version of the "Seattle freeze" pretty much.
Being raised as a rural Wisconsin farm boy, I see no difference in truly rural folks folks from Maine to Washington. Heck, 45 years later a transplant can still be considered "not from around there" in most genuine rural areas across the country. I do see some differences in latitude though. I am of the opinion that "southerners" (people from states not touching Canada) have a difficult time with the prevalent "mind your own business" attitude of "northerners".
If that ain't your cup of tea, I would suggest going somewhere else more "worldly" where the transplants have driven up prices and taken over, the local vibe.
If you want a small town with more "worldly" people, look at retirement or vacation destination communities..... Prices are going to be higher though.... After all, you get what you pay for in this world...
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Besides what are you doing out after dark? In poor rural areas regular folks are tired from working, and busy raising a family, they are not out on the town spending their tiny paychecks... That sounds like a "city slicker thing"...
I question if you actually have ever lived any working class rural community... Drunks and punks are the only ones out after dinner most of the time. I do not think this is unique to small town western Washington.
Wow, somebody is having a bad day. Truly, though, if you are new to a place it takes time to really get to know people. All the people I have met so far in Washington have been very nice and also kind and helpful. I think the attitude you project to people can put them off sometimes. I know I'm guilty of that if I'm thinking of something else and not paying attention. I just smile and try to be nice and that's usually what I get in return. I'm not much on socializing and am quiet so people don't quite know what to make of me at first. I hope you try again and see if this makes a difference. Being in a new place can be rough, but good luck.
I think it is because I recently spent a long time living overseas.
I was living in tiny villages in the middle of nowhere. But they were full of smiling people. People waving. Nothing but warmth in their faces. We would go out after dark for a drink, maybe a bike ride, sometimes just a spontaneous walk at night.
It's hard to understand this culture where everyone is so cold to each other. Strangers you see often give you the look of death. And you always have to watch your back.
Spend a few years in a different culture overseas. Then come back to this. It feels like you are walking into a funeral.
Why is everyone so SERIOUS? How about just smiling and being friendly instead of the constant stand-offish vibe?
Travelling and Settling, first of all Welcome to America.. Yes, this is a culture that hosts a good number of self-absorbed, private, quiet, mistrusting, stay off of my property and my your own business type of people. I am not saying everyone is like this and you will find the happy, go-lucky, friendly, come to my home for dinner people, but they are the minority.
There is good and bad to this.. Like you, I also traveled overseas. I was in Africa for half a year and stayed in villages and was with those happy, smiling people, where people would get together for drumming and dancing and there was a sense of community spirit and pride.
If that is what you are looking for, you will not only not find that in Washington, but anywhere in the USA. On a bright note, it is nice to have privacy. It is nice not to have swarms of people you have to talk to all the time and never have any time to relax by yourself. On the other note, a place like Washington does get very lonesome and at times you feel people can be just heartless.
What can I say? Your observations are partially correct, but also a little polarizing. Remember, don't try to force people to be the way you want them, but try to meet them on their own terms.
Obviously, if you want to be in a place where you can be socializing and find community events you have to be living in a city full of younger people. I find rural and suburban Americans are about the most introverted people imaginable. Like TrueTimbers said, their main priority is being at home with their family. Most people's activities will center around the family and the little free time they have will be watching television, Netflix or internet browsing. It's hard in this day and age to even survive in a rural community. I know I am living in one now.
Have you considered Bellingham or Olympia? There seems to be more community stuff there. Olympia is ridiculously liberal, which may bother you. Bellingham is more libertarian, although still on the liberal side. I've notice people can be a bit friendlier and open in the more developed small cities rather than the smaller rural communities.
Really, I feel for you man.. Don't try to make Washington into Thailand, India, West Africa or any other third world country with a tribal culture. This is the rugged, cold north and the attitude goes with the environment.
I, myself, have grown up here and have not made any friendships the 2 years living in Washington. I do work a busy 12 hour a day job which inhibits my efforts even more. I learned right from the beginning though it is worthless to try to make friends, date or socialize in small Washington towns off the tourist circuit. People wake up early for work then go home to their families and sleep. The bars in the small towns are very depressing. I've notice in places like Skagit Valley, after dark the bars are have a lot of foul-mouthed, depressed people who sit by themselves look at the TV and guzzle down drink after drink. Let's just say, they were not the type of places I really wanted to be. If you are looking to socialize you need to take trips to nearest city, whether it be Olympia, Tacoma, Seattle and get involved with events or groups.
I think it is because I recently spent a long time living overseas.
I was living in tiny villages in the middle of nowhere. But they were full of smiling people. People waving. Nothing but warmth in their faces. We would go out after dark for a drink, maybe a bike ride, sometimes just a spontaneous walk at night.
It's hard to understand this culture where everyone is so cold to each other. Strangers you see often give you the look of death. And you always have to watch your back.
Spend a few years in a different culture overseas. Then come back to this. It feels like you are walking into a funeral.
Why is everyone so SERIOUS? How about just smiling and being friendly instead of the constant stand-offish vibe?
I would not put a whole lot of credence in smiles and waiving... You can get that in the south if you like it... Does not mean people actually like you...
Maybe you sense the hard times.... Don't forget the recession is still very real and present in rural America. Small town America is having a rough time... It is the collapse of America... You do not see it in wealthy urban areas, but in rural areas it is more obvious... Our nation was sold out to the highest bidder, now we work part time jobs flipping hamburgers, or putting more Chinese made junk on the shelves of Walmart. No future hope, no nice retirement plans, just a kick in the pants when the corporate overlords are done with you.
I too have spent time in rural areas over seas, places like France and Finland they celebrate the small artisan farmer, and shop keeper... America, being the destination for dreams to be made has ended. The death of the small farm, local manufacturing, locally owned mom and pop shops is killing our country, we have been enslaved by Wall Street and the multinational corporations.
Great posts. And you are right, you just have to accept it, or move. I am certainly not going to change the culture here.
Washington is a broken culture. It's a culture of individuals doing whatever they want. If there is ever a national emergency or a disaster, I think Washingtonians will be shooting each other left and right, because they hate each other.
I guess I should just become a rugged individualist myself to handle this vibe.
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