Bad vibes in small town Western WA (Seattle, Bellingham: fit in, home)
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Wow. I'm in the process of relocating to Western WA to be closer to family who lives in the general area. Any time I have visited there, I have found nothing but nice, friendly, helpful people. Perhaps when I do finish relocating I'll change my mind about this, but I somehow don't think so based on what I have observed. But here's something to consider...
Your own personal attitude is absolutely the main contributing factor into forging relationships with anyone you meet. If you carry an enormous chip on your shoulder, you are going to find fault with any place you go. Also, people will see and sense that more than you probably realize. I speak only for myself here, but I don't want to be friends with someone who does nothing but complain about how "everything and everyone sucks" all the time. Those kinds of people suck the life-force out of you if you let them. In one of your first paragraphs, having a chip on your shoulder and being small minded was one of your first complaints. Kind of ironic, isn't it since you yourself as painting an ENTIRE half of a state based on what YOU ALONE have personally observed? Perhaps you have never heard the saying: "What You Hate Most in Others, is the Shadow Within Yourself."
As a real world example, everyone loves to talk about how "rude" New Yorkers or people from New Jersey are. That's a complete and total farce. They are not rude, they just don't beat around the bush. They tell it like it is. It's just the culture. Some people cannot handle that, and sometimes react by being making wisecracks about the stereotypes they see on TV or whatever about what they THINK people from that area are like. That isn't going to win you any friends there or anyplace else for that matter. Now, on the other hand, if you just leave the attitudes and stereotypes at the door, you will find that most of those folks up there are just as friendly as anyone else - and they tend to keep it real. They will also give up the shirt off their back for a neighbor or a friend, but if you don't get past the standoffish or "rude" facade, you don't ever get to know that.
Now if you take that example and substitute either of those places for the towns you are complaining about, I think you will get my drift. People can sense when you are a self absorbed narcissistic know-it-all who has just arrived, but thinks that everything should be the way you want it to be. You cannot change other people - and why would you want to even try? That's just silly. In life, you tend to get back exactly what you give, whether you truly realize that or not. It's super easy to point a finger at others and victimize yourself. It's extremely more difficult to take that same finger and turn it back at yourself and examine exactly what YOU are doing to contribute to any given situation.
Finally, keep this in mind: Forming lasting, real friendships is infinitely more difficult in adulthood than it is when you are younger. Adults have their own lives, own agendas, own problems. Every so often, you find one you can click with, or a few you can click with. Sometimes all you can meet are situational friends (i.e. "friends" with at work, or if you have small kids, sometimes you end up friends with your kid's friends' parents etc) Friendships that last are based on real things...common bonds, mutual respect, etc. Those take time and more importantly, effort from all parties. You find few of those in your life, and they are usually not forced, rather, develop naturally. You can only hope to be smart enough to recognize them when they do come along.
But honestly, all that said, you are not going to find people cheering and greeting you with open arms every time you walk in the room, at least not in this country or today's day and age. We are, as a collective, too bitter and jaded for that. I'm sorry to say, but we are pretty far removed from the culture bringing your neighbor a box of cookies to welcome them to the neighborhood in most places. I'm not saying that I prefer that by any means, just being realistic.
Try Canada maybe? (Insert a joke about Canadian politeness here)
The bottom line is that Washington folks act extremely closed-off and anti-social. It's just part of the local culture here. Not a lot of smiling faces. It's a cold and lonely place for many people. Believe me lots of people here are alienated from society.
To the newcomer from another area. This vibe is really hard to get used to. It feels like pure rudeness and coldness, heartlessness. But it is not that. It is just the way it is here. It's an unusual vibe that you don't find in most places so there is a learning curve to figuring it out.
The hardest thing to get used to is the culture of passive-aggressive entitlement where people are trying to belittle each other in subtle ways. But I am starting to learn how to ignore it. Just like how you ignore the materialism in SoCal or the macho vibes in Texas.
I perceive WA state as being one of the most beautiful states in the USA, I found it tough there too socially, but there are lots of places in the states like that. Just the way things are I guess. Ever been to West Virginia? Lol...talk about friendly, wow, felt like I was in another world when I lived there. Very friendly in WV, beautiful state too.
Last edited by folkguitarist555; 04-01-2014 at 01:25 AM..
The bottom line is that Washington folks act extremely closed-off and anti-social. It's just part of the local culture here. Not a lot of smiling faces. It's a cold and lonely place for many people. Believe me lots of people here are alienated from society.
To the newcomer from another area. This vibe is really hard to get used to. It feels like pure rudeness and coldness, heartlessness. But it is not that. It is just the way it is here. It's an unusual vibe that you don't find in most places so there is a learning curve to figuring it out.
The hardest thing to get used to is the culture of passive-aggressive entitlement where people are trying to belittle each other in subtle ways. But I am starting to learn how to ignore it. Just like how you ignore the materialism in SoCal or the macho vibes in Texas.
Again, way to paint people with a broad brush. You DO understand that people are ALL different, right? And that quite often stereotypes are gross exaggerations? I mean really, if we use your standards for classification, then everyone in Florida is retired, nobody in Alabama has teeth or indoor plumbing, everyone is a racist in Mississippi and Louisiana, everyone in Utah is a polygamist, everyone in Alaska rides a sled dog, and everyone in Pennsylvania is Amish. Right? I'm sure I can come up with one for each state. Some of these may sound ridiculous, but it's no less ridiculous than saying that EVERYONE is anti-social in a certain geographic location, because that is patently false - anti social people live EVERYWHERE.
If you think SoCal is materialistic and fake, come take a stroll in South Beach, Miami. Or the Hamptons in NY. And that's just naming 2 places off the top of my head, though sometimes I feel like places like that get a bad rep for something that other people are also doing but are maybe not as blatant about. Society as a whole is materialistic. If you don't believe me, go to a Target store on Black Friday and see how many people are lined up waiting to get a ginormous TV for a discount so they can not just keep up with, but outdo the Joneses.
My brother lives in Texas and I visit him at least twice a year. He doesn't own any horses, hates country music, and wouldn't be caught dead in a cowboy hat. His wife is from there and I have met her entire family - they are native Texans for like 3 generations - and not only have I never seen any of them wearing spurs and chaps, the younger members don't even have Southern accents. What?? Crazy, right? Not all of Texas is bumpkin little towns with tumbleweed, you know. There are many large cities there which look nothing like what you see in a Yosemite Sam cartoon.
Look...no place is a mono-culture these days anymore. The place is NOT just "like that" - places don't have personalities, the people who live there do. Relationships with other human beings are what you make it. If you have difficulty making friends with people because your preconceived notions about them get in the way, you are likely to have this problem anywhere you move to. It sounds to me like that's the real problem you have had making friends.
As for me personally, I doubt that someone walking past me and not smiling or whatever is going to hurt my feelings. Pfft. I'm originally from New Jersey. We don't offend.
Again, way to paint people with a broad brush. You DO understand that people are ALL different, right? And that quite often stereotypes are gross exaggerations? I mean really, if we use your standards for classification, then everyone in Florida is retired, nobody in Alabama has teeth or indoor plumbing, everyone is a racist in Mississippi and Louisiana, everyone in Utah is a polygamist, everyone in Alaska rides a sled dog, and everyone in Pennsylvania is Amish. Right? I'm sure I can come up with one for each state. Some of these may sound ridiculous, but it's no less ridiculous than saying that EVERYONE is anti-social in a certain geographic location, because that is patently false - anti social people live EVERYWHERE.
If you think SoCal is materialistic and fake, come take a stroll in South Beach, Miami. Or the Hamptons in NY. And that's just naming 2 places off the top of my head, though sometimes I feel like places like that get a bad rep for something that other people are also doing but are maybe not as blatant about. Society as a whole is materialistic. If you don't believe me, go to a Target store on Black Friday and see how many people are lined up waiting to get a ginormous TV for a discount so they can not just keep up with, but outdo the Joneses.
My brother lives in Texas and I visit him at least twice a year. He doesn't own any horses, hates country music, and wouldn't be caught dead in a cowboy hat. His wife is from there and I have met her entire family - they are native Texans for like 3 generations - and not only have I never seen any of them wearing spurs and chaps, the younger members don't even have Southern accents. What?? Crazy, right? Not all of Texas is bumpkin little towns with tumbleweed, you know. There are many large cities there which look nothing like what you see in a Yosemite Sam cartoon.
Look...no place is a mono-culture these days anymore. The place is NOT just "like that" - places don't have personalities, the people who live there do. Relationships with other human beings are what you make it. If you have difficulty making friends with people because your preconceived notions about them get in the way, you are likely to have this problem anywhere you move to. It sounds to me like that's the real problem you have had making friends.
As for me personally, I doubt that someone walking past me and not smiling or whatever is going to hurt my feelings. Pfft. I'm originally from New Jersey. We don't offend.
I have experienced cliquishness, provincialness, aloofness, standoffishness, all over the USA. Seems to be the more prevailing spiritual social sort of ethos around the country, these years. Washington state has a reputation for it. Yet anyone should be able to make friends and succeed with the right approach, i assume.
The bottom line is that Washington folks act extremely closed-off and anti-social.
The OP keeps making blanket statements like this as though they are fact. The OP needs to add wording such as "in my experience or in my opinion".
The OP needs to move (I would suggest a tiny town in Montana...the OP will come away from that LOVING Western WA living) and get more perspective on the world.
And lastly...other than ruffling feathers, what point was the OP trying to make (other than they are unhappy with where they are currently living)?
From my perspective, having lived in two small places in Western Washington in the past, the OP has a valid point. I was friendly but not pushy, and was just amazed at the unpleasantness of the townspeople there and when I would visit other small towns. I think they treated each other poorly, as well, but having a Texas accent really sent them over the edge. It was dispiriting. There was such needless unfriendliness and needless rudeness. I have lived all over and no, never experienced such a closed, rude society. I have been planning to move back to Western Washington for the NATURE, not the people. The NATURAL setting, to me, is very beautiful and worth giving up a lot, but if you want polite, friendly interactions, it may not be the place.
I get a kick out of people that lack social skills and blame others for it. Honestly. Grow some charm people, It will amaze you how quickly it will improve the neighborhood. Until you do, you will brighten the neighborhood when you move away from it.
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Not all of Texas is bumpkin little towns with tumbleweed, you know. There are many large cities there which look nothing like what you see in a Yosemite Sam cartoon. 
The NATURAL setting, to me, is very beautiful and worth giving up a lot, but if you want polite, friendly interactions, it may not be the place.
