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A dissertation on the most anti-social place in the world
By Winston Wu
“Once you’ve lived in Bellingham, when you leave it, circumstances bring you back”
- The Bellingham curse as described to me by long-time residents
“Bellingham is like a black hole, drawing people in and sucking back those who try to get away”
- How I would describe Bellingham and its alleged curse
“The only constants in Bellingham are boredom, loneliness, and anti-sociality. It is the only place I know of where flirting is vilified as a crime to the female population.”
- Me again
This guy sounds much like the original poster. Again painting ALL people in a particular area as "ALL BAD" or whatever based on THEIR OWN personal experiences. The minute people start making generalizations like that, I stop taking them seriously. This guy who wrote this sounds to me like he is talking out of his butt, nothing more. Perhaps the last quote about the female population is what makes it the most evident. Dude...maybe it's not the female population. Maybe...just maybe...it's you. Or your approach. Or both.
Just got back to FL today after spending over a week in Bellingham...getting some paperwork done for the new home we are moving into next month. (Ended up finding the perfect house in Sudden Valley, so anyone reading who recommended that area to us in other threads...thank you!) Nobody held a parade for me or greeted me with open arms and flowers as I came into town, but the people I encountered were nothing but nice and polite and some were even...wait for it...downright...FRIENDLY. YES! It's true. Huh. I must be just lucky that way.
overall I have to say that I am disappointed with people around here. It is just so passive-aggressive and narrow-minded out here
Washington has a lot of nice people- at least it used to before it got so crowded and expensive. You should be looking at living someplace in King or Maybe Snohomish county if you want to find the better caliber people.
This guy sounds much like the original poster. Again painting ALL people in a particular area as "ALL BAD" or whatever based on THEIR OWN personal experiences. The minute people start making generalizations like that, I stop taking them seriously. This guy who wrote this sounds to me like he is talking out of his butt, nothing more. Perhaps the last quote about the female population is what makes it the most evident. Dude...maybe it's not the female population. Maybe...just maybe...it's you. Or your approach. Or both.
Just got back to FL today after spending over a week in Bellingham...getting some paperwork done for the new home we are moving into next month. (Ended up finding the perfect house in Sudden Valley, so anyone reading who recommended that area to us in other threads...thank you!) Nobody held a parade for me or greeted me with open arms and flowers as I came into town, but the people I encountered were nothing but nice and polite and some were even...wait for it...downright...FRIENDLY. YES! It's true. Huh. I must be just lucky that way.
Congratulations on the new home!
It's never good to make sweeping generalizations. Mr. Wu had obviously had a miserable time in Bellingham. My 25 year old son who was briefly visiting last October had a great time and had no trouble meeting women in the short time he was there. My husband and I are in our mid-50s and on our visit to Bellingham in January we met plenty of nice people. We are also house hunting. My son and I are headed back next week. You'll love Sudden Valley, but it isn't for us. I think Geneva/Silver Beach might work for us. We'll know the right house when we see it.
We currently live on Long Island (NY), and people here can be friendly or not. Honestly, the last time I spoke at length with our neighbors was after Superstorm Sandy. But we tend to become friendly with other people who have similar interests. Maybe it's easier for middle aged folks to fit in than the younger crowd. I have noticed that people with sour dispositions are unhappy wherever they go.
It's never good to make sweeping generalizations. Mr. Wu had obviously had a miserable time in Bellingham. My 25 year old son who was briefly visiting last October had a great time and had no trouble meeting women in the short time he was there. My husband and I are in our mid-50s and on our visit to Bellingham in January we met plenty of nice people. We are also house hunting. My son and I are headed back next week. You'll love Sudden Valley, but it isn't for us. I think Geneva/Silver Beach might work for us. We'll know the right house when we see it.
We currently live on Long Island (NY), and people here can be friendly or not. Honestly, the last time I spoke at length with our neighbors was after Superstorm Sandy. But we tend to become friendly with other people who have similar interests. Maybe it's easier for middle aged folks to fit in than the younger crowd. I have noticed that people with sour dispositions are unhappy wherever they go.
Thank you! It really is all about how you approach things...if you set your mind on everything and everyone sucking, of course it's inevitably going to. Some people make friends everywhere they go, some don't...you have to know yourself well enough to see where you fit in. Clearly the OP and Mr Wu both didn't fit in where they are/were. But that certainly doesn't mean that other people cannot assimilate just fine. Painting all of Western Washington as some horrid place where only cranky ogres who hate everything live is just plain silly.
I looked in Silver Beach/Geneva too actually that's a very nice area as well! (This was my 3rd trip to Bellingham for house hunting purposes so we looked just about everywhere...as they say, the 3rd's the charm, right?) Absolutely true that when you find the right house you just KNOW...that's exactly how it went for us too.
A couple of my uncles/aunts cousins live on Long Island, so I totally get what you mean, plus though I currently live in FL, I'm from Northern NJ originally. The feeling there is similar...some people are friendly, some are not but for the most part, people will treat you the way you treat them and there's really not a complicated science to it.
PS: If you look at this this Winston Wu's main site (clicking on the index on his "Bellingham Curse" page), you see a number of articles that either he's written or aggregated on the site, whichever...and a lot of them are negative - discussing "toxic" cultures, how the dating scene in all of America is nightmarish, or going on about "femi-nazis"
One "gem" that immediately caught my eye was titled "Why women are not smarter than men and should not be in charge, as the liberal American media claims" Seriously? I'm male and I found the statement idiotic...I couldn't even bear to read most of the article...too filled with vitriol.
So if anyone is wondering why this guy had such a hard time meeting women, well...gee...can't imagine why?? And if anyone is wondering if a word he says is accurate, or even SANE...let me save you the trouble of finding out for yourself. It's not.
I have been analyzing the situation further and thinking about this issue, this is the conclusion I have come to.
In small towns in Western WA. You will be treated decently if you really put out a big effort to fit in. That is, you dress the right way, act the right way, look the right way, carry yourself the right way, etc. Basically, if you conform, they will treat you alright.
However, if you don't conform to what's going on, and you are "different" in any way, They will treat you very badly.
That's where I went wrong here. I am not willing to conform to this conservative all-American cult of personality that is prevalent here. So, just because I am not a conformist, people look at me like I am from another planet and treat me rudely.
Sometimes I put on the act and play the role. Just to fit in. And people act more friendly.
It's too bad there is this conformity here. It would be nice if people would respect each others differences instead of hating on them.
I have been analyzing the situation further and thinking about this issue, this is the conclusion I have come to.
In small towns in Western WA. You will be treated decently if you really put out a big effort to fit in. That is, you dress the right way, act the right way, look the right way, carry yourself the right way, etc. Basically, if you conform, they will treat you alright.
However, if you don't conform to what's going on, and you are "different" in any way, They will treat you very badly.
That's where I went wrong here. I am not willing to conform to this conservative all-American cult of personality that is prevalent here. So, just because I am not a conformist, people look at me like I am from another planet and treat me rudely.
Sometimes I put on the act and play the role. Just to fit in. And people act more friendly.
It's too bad there is this conformity here. It would be nice if people would respect each others differences instead of hating on them.
I completely disagree with you here. Your original post was talking about small town people being unwilling to go out of their way to be friendly. Now you're talking about people being ostracized for being different???
I have grown up and lived in this state for a lot of years, and have never seen seen a hate-crime firsthand. Of course, those things happen, but I totally disagree that this state is anywhere close to other parts of the country as far as acceptance of other people/cultures/points-of-view.
In my town, for example - and granted, this is Eastern WA, not Western WA, but we have a hodge-podge of whites, Native Americans, hippies, cowboys, etc. and I haven't witnessed any forced or implied segregation due to cultural/conformity differences. And we are a little conservative hick-town.
I could go on and on, but in the end, your opinion is your own. Just makes me wonder what experiences you have had in other areas of the country if you think the PNW is hate-filled and close-minded.
Sorry, but your pseudo-rancor and believability just went from bad to worse.
I have been analyzing the situation further and thinking about this issue, this is the conclusion I have come to.
In small towns in Western WA. You will be treated decently if you really put out a big effort to fit in. That is, you dress the right way, act the right way, look the right way, carry yourself the right way, etc. Basically, if you conform, they will treat you alright.
However, if you don't conform to what's going on, and you are "different" in any way, They will treat you very badly.
That's where I went wrong here. I am not willing to conform to this conservative all-American cult of personality that is prevalent here. So, just because I am not a conformist, people look at me like I am from another planet and treat me rudely.
Sometimes I put on the act and play the role. Just to fit in. And people act more friendly.
It's too bad there is this conformity here. It would be nice if people would respect each others differences instead of hating on them.
When I was in Bellingham in January I found the people I interacted with to be terrific except for this one woman in a gift shop on Chuckanut Drive. Heh. Hubby and I had some idle chit chat with her. When it came out that we were from NY and semi retired, she became all prickly and said "You types never vote for increases to teachers salaries". I had to laugh because we live in NY. My 1500 sf home on a quarter acre is over $11K/yr in property taxes WITH a rebate. 2/3s of this goes to the school district because the average teacher salary is so high. My home is worth $300K. In Bellingham, I'll pay a lot less! In any case, I digress.
That woman wasn't very friendly because she made an assumption about me simply because of my age and where I come from. I also learned from a young woman who worked at the hotel that she was afraid of me at first because I am, well, a New Yorker. I live on Long Island. We are not laid back here. It's go go go unless I'm walking on the beach. My intensity scared her and she told me that once she got to know me I was nice. LOL So I've been practicing being more calm and laid back. It's rather nice! I still dislike stupid drivers.
So, as an open minded individuals, hubby, son and I are heading to B'ham. People need to get to know me on their terms at least long enough to be comfortable with a NYer. Some won't. I already have contacted and met with some folks who share similar interests, religion, etc. And now I can't wait to move. I will never NOT speak my mind, but how I deliver the message can be adapted. And I love the way the people dress out west. I'm no fashionista. I wear comfortable shoes, and I don't care what people think. Luckily I dress the way people my age do in Bellingham. Some middle aged women here in NY wear the most disgusting clothing. Try to imagine a 65 year old walking on the beach, gravity at work, with a bikini that looked like it was knitted by grandma (oh dear Lord no). Then there was the old dude doing tai chi at the edge of the water wearing nothing but an old French foreign legion hat!
Try to relax a bit. Don't have any huge expectations. Don't discuss politics and religion right away, if ever. Join a club or get involved in an interesting hobby. Find a bike club or groups that like to hike, or take cooking lessons. Volunteer for a cause you believe in. I'm going to learn how to kayak and find some volunteer opportunities. If you give yourself a chance, you will probably find life is a lot easier. I'm sure with time you'll find people who are a lot like you. They're conforming too. Good luck!
People keep on referencing Bellingham here. Bellingham is a city. In this thread I am talking about SMALL TOWNS in WA that are under 20,000. I'm talking about the little towns that are inland and a little bit off the tourist trail. Bellingham is more akin to Seattle than a small town in my opinion.
I am a male. I do notice that women tend to act nice to me. They are often somewhat friendly, or indifferent which is fine.
It is the MEN around here who cause the problems. They try to act too macho. Lots of them are always trying to act tough. They are trying to dominate each other in this bonehead competitive way. They seem like they are bored, and they get rowdy or mess with people just for "something to do". There's a lack of common decency.
I really noticed this lately. I think the main problem is these macho, wannabe tough guys everywhere who get all up in my business. I see them staring at me as though I owe them something. It would be nice if they would just chill out and mind their own business.
People keep on referencing Bellingham here. Bellingham is a city. In this thread I am talking about SMALL TOWNS in WA that are under 20,000. I'm talking about the little towns that are inland and a little bit off the tourist trail. Bellingham is more akin to Seattle than a small town in my opinion.
I am a male. I do notice that women tend to act nice to me. They are often somewhat friendly, or indifferent which is fine.
It is the MEN around here who cause the problems. They try to act too macho. Lots of them are always trying to act tough. They are trying to dominate each other in this bonehead competitive way. They seem like they are bored, and they get rowdy or mess with people just for "something to do". There's a lack of common decency.
I really noticed this lately. I think the main problem is these macho, wannabe tough guys everywhere who get all up in my business. I see them staring at me as though I owe them something. It would be nice if they would just chill out and mind their own business.
I find that Washington men, in fact are the opposite of Macho, even in the smaller towns.. If, anything, they seem reserved, quiet and generally mind their own business. There is certainly a redneck element to the smaller towns here, but that can be said of the entire Northwest. However, if you want to deal with macho a-holes then go move to Southern Idaho, like the Boise area. That was a place where people were really in your face and everyone had something to prove. I find the rednecks in Boise area the exact polar opposite of the liberal of Seattle in terms of arrogance and in-your-face attitude. Actually, I find the conservative Washington towns to be pretty laid back. Yeah, there are an element of foul-mouthed roughians, but those are all over the country.
Like I said, if you want to get into a fist fight just walk into any redneck/blue-collarish bar in Idaho and tell somebody off.. In Washington, more likely than not, the same person will just ignore you or leave.
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And if anyone is wondering if a word he says is accurate, or even SANE...let me save you the trouble of finding out for yourself. It's not.
