My wife accuses me of being deaf (beach, spouse, retirees)
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I don't know if it happens to you too. But as you get older, it seems that you are somehow to blame for your own shortcomings. At least for some, like my own wife. I'm already in my late 60s; my wife is 7 years younger. So she's still pretty free of these flaws.
Although it is true that my ears are no longer what they used to be, as well as my vision and my capacity for love, I believe that I am far from being a real deaf person. It happens that she speaks as a mumbler, often when she has her back to me or from another room. But she gets furious when I suggest that she's a big part of the problem, and claims that I'm actually deaf.
Are there other retirees who feel pejoratively treated for their faults?
Last edited by Luis Antonio; 02-24-2024 at 06:52 PM..
It may be that you don't process as quickly now. We have our 3 year old granddaughter a few days a week and Mrs. NBP has started spelling words out that she doesn't want the imp to hear. I'm not processing the spelling as fast as in the fast. Plus she talks too damn fast then, usually she takes f o r e v e r to say something. Enough so that I remind her that I have fewer tomorrows left than I have yesterdays.
I am not deaf but I do have slight tone deafness and tinnitus . when there is ambient sound I struggle particularly in the car and my husband would mumble in the car. Every other time I can but not in the car. He got irritated several times and I told him why would he be irritated when he clearly knows I have issues in the car and then chooses to not speak a little louder?
We can and do adjust to these things but our partners don’t because they are not the ones struggling. As our hearing diminishes we do get used to a new norm and not realize just how degraded our hearing becomes.
This said it isn’t a bad idea to get our ears checked, just like we get our eyes checked.
I don't know if it happens to you too. But as you get older, it seems that you are somehow to blame for your own shortcomings. At least for some, like my own wife. I'm already in my late 60s; my wife is 7 years younger. So she's still pretty free of these flaws.
Although it is true that my ears are no longer what they used to be, as well as my vision and my capacity for love, I believe that I am far from being a real deaf person. It happens that she speaks as a mumbler, often when she has her back to me or from another room. But she gets furious when I suggest that she's a big part of the problem, and claims that I'm actually deaf.
Are there other retirees who feel pejoratively treated for their faults?
I used to do this. And then realized that I needed to not talk so fast.
I tend to ramble on.
She is probably part of the problem, but won't admit it.
I grew up in a house with two people with moderate hearing loss, my father and my grandmother. I was constantly accused by them of "mumbling." Funny, no one else thought I was mumbling or had any trouble understanding me.
I'm guessing that your wife is NOT mumbling. Why would she "mumble" more when her back is turned than when she is facing you? That makes no sense.
If you own your part (admit your hearing is not good anymore), she may be more willing to accommodate by facing you when speaking, coming into the room where you are instead of speaking from another room, etc. But your insisting that she is the problem and not you is making her angry and defensive.
Actually, it's time for you to get a hearing test. My dad got a hearing aid in his late 60s and it helped a lot. There used to be the strangest stigma attached to hearing aids, people were embarrassed to have one, but they are just like wearing glasses. No one cares if you have a hearing aid, they just care if they can't easily communicate with you. So please go get checked out.
When I was 32, my wife sent me to an audiologist for a hearing test because she said I was having problems.
He tested me and said: “You have selective deafness. Many husbands suffer from this”.
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