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I don't know if it happens to you too. But as you get older, it seems that you are somehow to blame for your own shortcomings. At least for some, like my own wife. I'm already in my late 60s; my wife is 7 years younger. So she's still pretty free of these flaws.
Although it is true that my ears are no longer what they used to be, as well as my vision and my capacity for love, I believe that I am far from being a real deaf person. It happens that she speaks as a mumbler, often when she has her back to me or from another room. But she gets furious when I suggest that she's a big part of the problem, and claims that I'm actually deaf.
Are there other retirees who feel pejoratively treated for their faults?
You almost certainly have some hearing loss. Instead of accusing her of being part of the "problem" (actually she is from my perspective), ask her politely and respectfully to help you accommodate for this loss by: Not speaking to you from another room, always turn thy head towards you when speaking and enunciate clearly!
Assuming that a hearing check reveals deficiencies, consider getting hearing aids.
Chances are both of you are at fault. You likely have some minor hearing loss. Hearing loss is generally a gradual process. It's not like flipping a switch from good hearing to bad hearing. Your wife needs to be in the same room and face you when speaking if she thinks your hearing is going. If you have her with you when you get your ears checked they will tell her this. It's probably somewhere on google for you to verify. My husband had hearing aids. I also did my share to help by realizing I needed to face him and sometimes speak up a bit.
This is painfully familiar.
Incomplete sentences, muttered from another room, with no leading statement such as "I have a question about ...." which would assist greatly in formulating a quick and accurate response.
Costco offers free hearing tests. DH says I am deaf, so I went to the hearing center in Costco & got checked out. I do have some hearing loss, but not enough to warrant hearing aids. He said make sure the person is looking at you, when they talk, & other small measures to help you hear them.
Seriously, get your hearing checked. Many people are overly resistant to having their hearing checked because they would be forced to admit they have hearing loss. My wife is the same way -- constantly asking me to repeat, asking me if the timer went off, says that it's not her but everyone mumbles, etc. When I tell her to get her hearing checked, she takes it as an insult when I'm being serious.
People seem to have no problem seeing an optometrist for glasses. Seeing a dentist for a cavity. But suggest a hearing check and they respond that it's not their hearing but everyone else mumbles and talks to quietly.
And yes, I've had mine done. My job required annual hearing (turbine noise) and vision (lasers in use) so I know I've lost some of the higher frequences, as well as some of the lower rumbles.
I recognize my limitations. I think that of the 5 senses, I can barely leave the one of touch intact.
But my ears aren't too bad. I can still tell someone to ring the doorbell at home, as long as our dog is around.
There is a difference between not too bad and functioning.
My wife has lost her hearing and uses two hearing aids and she still cannot hear me at times. My voice is just at the range she has difficulty with. It really takes a toll on our communication and creates frustration on both our parts. This is where you MUST show patience and put yourself in your partners shoes. Empathy is something that increases exponentially the older you get!
9 years ago went to an audiologist, at the recommendation of a friend. The doc gave he trial bearing aids for a week. Went shopping in a store with them on,name out of the store 15 minutes later, Pounding headache from the noise !
Yes, I did pay more, he, the doc told me how to use them. Asked about my hearing, some loss in my right ear, hear only 40% in my left ear. After several years, hearing aids returned to the factory, no charge.
Inexpensive, might not learn how to use them. Stick them in a drawer, say they don't work. You sometimes get what you pay for; went every few months learning, ie sorta big brother, he put a monitor on me, could tell how often I was wearing them. Put them when I arise, take them off when I retire.
Taught family, friends, lovingly, speak to my face, speak out, not loud please. They are grateful I educate them to speak to me/us who are hearing challenged.
Hearing loss is weird. Before I got my hearing aids, and when I don’t have them on, it can take several seconds for me to process what’s being said. It’s funny, like my brain has to think about what it heard in order to understand it. Also, for me, often I can hear and understand what’s said across the room or even across the house, but I can’t get it when it’s said right in front of me. Again, that’s without the aids.
Before hearing aides (and I didn’t even realize it) I was doing a lot of lip reading. I could understand as long as the speaker was in front of me and I could see their mouth.
I agree you should get your hearing checked.
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