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Or your ears might be full of wax. Somehow I got on the YouTube channel with some doctors in England who film the removal of earwax from patients. You'd be surprised how much gunk they scrape out. One 94 year old woman was thought to be totally deaf, but it was just earwax plugging up the ear canals to the point that sound couldn't get through.
One of my sister's children had to have her ears professionally cleaned fairly often as she produced an ungodly amount of earwax. She always knew when to take the girl in because she wouldn't respond when somebody spoke to her.
Can't hurt to have it checked out. Also, tinnitus can be caused by excessive earwax pressing against the bones of the ear.
Assuming that a hearing check reveals deficiencies, consider getting hearing aids.
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Originally Posted by tnff
Seriously, get your hearing checked. Many people are overly resistant to having their hearing checked because they would be forced to admit they have hearing loss.
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Originally Posted by puginabug
I agree you should get your hearing checked.
Thank you very much for your concern. But my question goes a little further than the mere physical fact of hearing loss.
I want to focus on the fact that there are people (especially younger ones) who seem to blame older people for their disabilities. As if they were unconsciously blaming us.
My kids often criticize me for not remembering something, for not understanding some new technology, or for making a mistake.
Maybe these're the same problems I used to have years ago, but now the stigma of being a useless old guy is on full display.
Thank you very much for your concern. But my question goes a little further than the mere physical fact of hearing loss.
I want to focus on the fact that there are people (especially younger ones) who seem to blame older people for their disabilities. As if they were unconsciously blaming us.
My kids often criticize me for not remembering something, for not understanding some new technology, or for making a mistake.
Maybe these're the same problems I used to have years ago, but now the stigma of being a useless old guy is on full display.
This is not your initial post. Yes, you are behind the power curve. Yes, you are getting older. Does that mean you are useless? That is something you have to answer. Disregarding a potential medical need - you need to deal with.
Get your hearing checked. Accusing other people of mumbling or otherwise somehow deliberately speaking so they cannot be understood is a common reaction of people whose ability to hear has declined but would rather not admit it.
If testing shows that your hearing has declined, you can discuss options for improving your ability to understand others with your doctor or audiologist and make the choice that works best for you. What you absolutely must do is let your wife know your hearing is declining and enlist her help in assisting you with understanding her when she communicates with you. It is probably frustrating for her to feel she is being ignored or disregarded. The two of you need to talk about this. You need to let her know how it makes you feel when she gets angry with you for not understanding her, and you need to admit to her that your hearing has deteriorated, if this turns out to be the case.
If the testing shows that your hearing is still sharp, then you still need to have a talk with your wife to sort out exactly what is going on that is causing the difficulty in communication. Getting mad at each other is not going to solve anything. Figure out what the problem is and agree on a method of fixing it together. Continuing to blame each other is not going to end well.
I don't know if it happens to you too. But as you get older, it seems that you are somehow to blame for your own shortcomings. At least for some, like my own wife. I'm already in my late 60s; my wife is 7 years younger. So she's still pretty free of these flaws.
Although it is true that my ears are no longer what they used to be, as well as my vision and my capacity for love, I believe that I am far from being a real deaf person. It happens that she speaks as a mumbler, often when she has her back to me or from another room. But she gets furious when I suggest that she's a big part of the problem, and claims that I'm actually deaf.
Are there other retirees who feel pejoratively treated for their faults?
If I didn't know better, I would think this was my spouse posting this. Your wife isn't blaming you, she's just frustrated that you are not hearing her. Then you are blaming her by calling her a mumbler.
And if you have been together for awhile, you probably got in the habit of talking to each other from different rooms. For my spouse to hear me from a different room, I would have to use a bullhorn. It gets exhausting, & I'm not going to yell across the house! Spouse said I am a mumbler, no, he's just in denial that he has hearing loss.
It's nobody's fault, it's just life, you probably have hearing loss, & need to get tested.
I went for a drive with my husband and his older brother. I drove, they chatted.
After hearing several "What?"s, I started keeping track; they averaged 4 what?s per mile.
I had a hearing test last year (not necessarily because my husband thinks i "need a unit") and it was determined that for the most part my hearing is very good. BUT I do have a weak spot for the tone of men's voices (really). I thought it was pretty hysterical but it explains why I don't hear some things on TV all that clearly (so I use captions). I can generally hear Hubs just fine, unless he thinks I can hear him 3 rooms away!
He on the other hand is deaf as a stump. or he is simply ignoring me (that's my best guess). smh
I don't know if it happens to you too. But as you get older, it seems that you are somehow to blame for your own shortcomings. At least for some, like my own wife. I'm already in my late 60s; my wife is 7 years younger. So she's still pretty free of these flaws.
Although it is true that my ears are no longer what they used to be, as well as my vision and my capacity for love, I believe that I am far from being a real deaf person. It happens that she speaks as a mumbler, often when she has her back to me or from another room. But she gets furious when I suggest that she's a big part of the problem, and claims that I'm actually deaf.
Are there other retirees who feel pejoratively treated for their faults?
Been there, done that.
You need to get your hearing tested. Your wife needs to understand you have some hearing loss now, which seems obvious, and she also must adjust to that.
I am in the process of getting hearing aids myself. I fought it for the last few years, with my wife constantly stating I dont "listen" to her. She has asked me for years to get hearing aids. I am finally doing it. I am a stubborn guy, yes.
I also know I have tinnitus (thank you military service!) and suffer from background noise drowning out people speaking to me directly, even if nearby. I can be sitting 3 feet from somebody in a restaurant, and if there is back ground noise, every word to me sounds like it was spoken by Charlie Browns teacher. This is a problem with me that I have now accepted and realize it is up to me to rectify, and not for others to accommodate as I grouchily remind them I have hearing loss.
I have found a positive in getting hearing aids, I have tested some, and found a model that really helps.
My wife and I live alone (with dogs), no other people (empty nesters).
I will admit my wife drives my crazy at times when I am concentrating on something (I love to read) with her "stream of consciousness" way of speaking, as it never stops. She talks constantly. Her mother was the same, and her sisters still are. It's a family thing. Every thought she has is verbalized, but only when she is in a room with or near me. I know that when she is alone, she does not do this. She will enter the room with me in it, and start verbalizing a mental checklist. I used to interrupt her and make her answer " Are you speaking to me or yourself?" I know I came off as rude to my own wife sometimes, but even after talking to her about this habit of hers, she has continued doing it. For years now. I find it frustrating.
The positive aspect of hearing aids? Rather than continue ask her (in a challenging manner) if she is speaking to me or herself, I will simply state "I am turning off my hearing aids now." And then do it.
But it is my responsibility to get the hearing aids to start with.
I finally broke down and got myself hearing aids. I don't think they help all that much, but they have been successful at getting my wife to stop nagging me to get hearing aids. That's a win in my book.
I wear hearing aids every day. I delayed for several years but finally got them. My hearing loss was medium and the prices from independent hearing aid businesses were (I thought) ridiculously high, $5000 average. Then we moved and Covid arrived with masks, making it more difficult for me to hear other people so I went to Costco and the $1500 price was a lot better. Plus they are guaranteed for 3 years for everything including you losing them. Can't beat that.
Before I got hearing aids we (husband and I) had a rule that we could not talk unless we were in the same room, we still break that rule, hard to break a lazy habit. Husband is happy I can hear him better now but there are still times when I am concentrating on reading and I don't hear him even if he is next to me. Super concentration is my super power lol.
Luis Antonio, please get a hearing test at Costco to see where where your hearing loss stands. They don't push you to buy unlike independent hearing companies. As we age hearing is important to our brains, hearing aids can prevent or slow down mental loss.
And secondly when it comes to married couples hearing one another sit down with your wife and discuss what you will do and what she will do about adjusting to your hearing loss. Even after getting hearing aids I still have to remind my husband that I still don't hear as well as he does and not to talk to me from another room. In some ways aging together is harder than earlier times of our life. So far so good.
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or he is simply ignoring me (that's my best guess). smh