My wife accuses me of being deaf

[SunGrins]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

Why the drama? Go get a hearing test.

If you think people are always mumbling...
If you hear and understand male voices better than female...
If you hear someone say something that sounds very odd or out of context in a conversation...
If the TV is too loud or you can't understand what is being said...
If you can't hear the teakettle whistle...
If "what?" is your favorite word...

It's time to have your hearing checked.

[Yippeekayay]

Male hearing problems started back with Covid. Is that you Luis?

[TheShadow]

Originally Posted by Luis Antonio

Look.... last Friday I went to the urologist for the treatment of my prostate. The doctor asked me if I had followed his advice about seeing a gastroenterologist and a cardiologist for a check-up.
Now you folks send me to do a hearing test... I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the doctor: If I have to do all the check-ups that you send me, I should go to the hospital almost every day.
How about renting an apartment right across the street so I avoid all the trips to and from the hospital?

As I told the doctor, if I have to live just to get medical tests, I'd rather die but away from the hospital and all that discomfort.
To make matters worse, today's doctors believe that the patient is divided into parts. The urologist only attends to his part and dissociates himself from other ailments. A person is a whole and not a set of parts.

I'm beginning to see the issue, and it's probably not just your ears.

Seriously though, hearing loss is a big contributor to dementia. If you want to keep your mind sharp, got those ears tested and if significant loss is discovered, get and use the hearing aids if for no other reason than to forestall dementia.

[AZ Desert Guy]

Originally Posted by SunGrins

If you think people are always mumbling...
If you hear and understand male voices better than female...
If you hear someone say something that sounds very odd or out of context in a conversation...
If the TV is too loud or you can't understand what is being said...
If you can't hear the teakettle whistle...
If "what?" is your favorite word...

It's time to have your hearing checked.

Perhaps some benefits to hearing loss.


Ok, I'll see myself out now...............

[PoconoCountryLady]

Originally Posted by Luis Antonio

I don't know if it happens to you too. But as you get older, it seems that you are somehow to blame for your own shortcomings. At least for some, like my own wife. I'm already in my late 60s; my wife is 7 years younger. So she's still pretty free of these flaws.
Although it is true that my ears are no longer what they used to be, as well as my vision and my capacity for love, I believe that I am far from being a real deaf person. It happens that she speaks as a mumbler, often when she has her back to me or from another room. But she gets furious when I suggest that she's a big part of the problem, and claims that I'm actually deaf.
Are there other retirees who feel pejoratively treated for their faults?

Yep, my husband does this to me all the time.. I just laugh it off. I had a hearing test I am told it is normal.. But I have noticed I do not hear as well. It is normal.. I am 65- hubby 68- he thinks he is perfect.
Tell her she will be where you are at in 7 years so give you a break.

[PoconoCountryLady]

Originally Posted by Luis Antonio

Although it maybe the case sometimes, mostly I don't understand what she says. Her Spanish is confused to me.

that's the problem.. tell her to speak english.

[galaxyhi]

Originally Posted by Luis Antonio

Look.... last Friday I went to the urologist for the treatment of my prostate. The doctor asked me if I had followed his advice about seeing a gastroenterologist and a cardiologist for a check-up.
Now you folks send me to do a hearing test... I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the doctor: If I have to do all the check-ups that you send me, I should go to the hospital almost every day.
How about renting an apartment right across the street so I avoid all the trips to and from the hospital?

As I told the doctor, if I have to live just to get medical tests, I'd rather die but away from the hospital and all that discomfort.
To make matters worse, today's doctors believe that the patient is divided into parts. The urologist only attends to his part and dissociates himself from other ailments. A person is a whole and not a set of parts.

Ok...first...let's address the "specialist" issue...the reasons are multiple...to get their doctorates they will spend north of $1million in college + etc costs easily, so many choose a specialty..where they can earn more BECAUSE of the high cost.

Second...I'm NOT sure I want my ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) doctor messing around below my belt IF (READ IF IF IF) I had a venereal disease/STD!!! Or even a year infection...and my urologist probably knows better how to cure jock itch, and I guarantee you...I don't want my urologist operating on my deviated septum!

Third reason for specialist..the area they treat that area, all medical issues and all medications/treatments to those issues and there's a growing number of items for each specialty.
NO DOCTOR can know ALL ISSUES for ALL areas.. sometimes not even the specialist... especially for the more rarer diseases that may show up.

So I feel more confident my cardiologist will take care of my heart..than my below the belt area! ( To be clear..I don't have, have never had any STD people..it was a REFERENCE.

And finally Luis, has it at all occured to you...that IF you go get your hearing checked and you are FINE, that you can, as we say in the US, "throw it in her face" that it's NOT your hearing???
THAT will END all arguments!!!

But, I think it's more YOU are AFRAID that you MIGHT need hearing aids after all.

My spouse accused me of mumbling, being 'vague" when I said something, spoke to low.
So, I started saying EVERYTHING LOUD AND CLEAR and even resorted to YELLING to my spouse.


It genuinely WAS NOT ME, nor, exactly, was it my spouse's hearing.

I told spouse to start repeating what spouse thought I "mumbled".
No, not my voice...at any level..
Why? How did I know? Because spouse was repeating EXACTLY what I said...but didn't seem to grasp the meaning.

When we moved, for example,when the clean out guys had a lull as we sorted "trash, set aside to review carefully or goes on the U-Haul, I, in one instance said "grab those empty boxes on the safe and give to the guys to trash (there was quite a pile we had emptied).

I kid you not...spouse looked all over the room repeating my instruction...but couldn't find the empty boxes...or, for that matter..the BIG SAFE sitting in the corner where it had been for years!!!
I KNEW spouse HEARD me, because spouse was repeating "trash the empty boxes on (and in front of) the safe...repeat repeat.

After two minutes of us all standing around (well I was sitting because I had just had back surgery, so I was "supervisor from a chair), so I finally, YELLING (And now getting ANGRY said in exasperating tone " WHERE IS THE SAFE??? IT HASN'T MOVED SINCE IT WAS INSTALLED, SO WHERE IS THE SAFE???
I LITERALLY had to point out where the safe was!!!

A similar episode happened at the condo in sorting/locating the items we unpacked.

I suddenly realized...it was NOT ME MUMBLING...and it was NOT spouses HEARING...spouse HEARD me alright..but spouse's PROCESSING OF THE INFORMATION HEARD was the issue!!!!

There IS A "THING' for that...I can't recall the exact medical term but it's something like "AUDITORY DISASSOCIATIVE (SYNDROME?) I can't remember the last word.

In other words..spouse heard what I said, repeated it...but spouse's BRAIN was not correctly PROCESSING THE INFORMATION.

It's similar to being dyslexic...(Which is also, and I have a mild form and which has nothing to do with this issue,bits an example).

I became more sensitive to spouses dilemma, kept my temper longer but still had to GET TO THE POINT...IN A PHYSICAL manner before spouse actually understands what I've said!!!

So, Luis..one of two things...
1) if your hearing is fine, then she no longer has that argument.
2) IF it's your hearing...you'll benefit from hearing aids;
OR
3) she might have the auditory disassociative (something) disorder or something similar.

At any rate..what is a hearing test going to hurt?

Best

*And maybe someone here will benefit IF in similar condition because of reading my post!

Best again

[2sleepy]

My husband hasn't been able to hear well for about a year, it drives me nuts. I got him to get a hearing test they said it was probably an ear infection. He went to the ENT doc and sure enough that's what it was, they put a tube in his ear to drain it and sent him home, I'm glad he can hear again but I have to start being careful about what I say to him when I'm angry!

[skeddy]

about half of what I hear I wish I hadn't. About half of the rest I pretend I didn't hear.

[TheShadow]

Originally Posted by Arktikos

You almost certainly have some hearing loss. Instead of accusing her of being part of the "problem" (actually she is from my perspective), ask her politely and respectfully to help you accommodate for this loss by: Not speaking to you from another room, always turn thy head towards you when speaking and enunciate clearly!

Assuming that a hearing check reveals deficiencies, consider getting hearing aids.

DH is starting to lose some hearing, and this is exactly what is going on at our house. I have to mentally remind myself not to yell from the other room like I used to do, and to face him or talk louder if he doesn't respond when I speak. He's not ready for hearing aids because 90% of the time he hears just fine if I am in the same room, and I realize that I sometimes talk to myself and he's not sure if I'm talking to him or not, so I am part of the problem. I realize now that I also have to get his attention fully if I'm saying something important to make sure it registers with him.