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I think that when one gets too hung up on the outer man they have neglected to work on the inner man.
I am 63, and look nothing like my dad, more like my grand father through photos ,even then I am in better shape .
I am sorry that the stress had take such a tole on you in the last year , but now is the time to start working on the inner you and develop wisdom and courage and faith and grace ,more so than ever before. We all have room for improvement .
Wallowing in ones losses does not help one over come them, it just digs the hole even deeper.
Some folk have one major event in their life, and the rest of their life is consumed by it by their making, making an issue about of it in every conversation .
Soon no one wants to be around them. self imposed pity party.
A phrase I prod my self with is ,
One is either a problem or the solution.
I hope to make a difference in my life being a solution. not the problem.
To add perspective: Someone recently told my VERY elderly mom that she looked good for her age. Her response was interesting in terms of self concept: She said, "What did you expect me to look like? An old lady?" (and she made this gesture with her body all hunched over). The truth is that she is an old lady and she looks like an old lady. She has a walker and everything. But in her mind, she is still young and attractive. I must have inherited that tendency for self-delusion.
Yes, but regardless of what others are mentioning about what others think, I believe both imcurious and I are talking about what we think about ourselves.
I realize her question was "how do you cope with it?"
That part is important because it can affect the way you feel so the way to cope with it is accept it and avoid mirrors and cameras or make your new best friend a plastic surgeon.
Get Photoshop. I am a photographer so anytime I'm in a pic I make it just a little bit nicer. But I would also do that for anyone who wishes it and most people do.
Also, just get out there and exercise. It will make you look and feel better about yourself. Especially lifting weights will do wonders for you self-esteem. The heavier the weight the better (without hurting yourself of course if you're new to it). Downward Facing Dog is also great or any yoga move.
Ugly, like beauty, is skin-deep. How I look doesn't keep me awake at night. Far more important - to my mind, anyway - is how I feel, and what I think, and the relationships I have with family and friends.
I'm 61, and truth be told, I have enjoyed getting older. Things that used to be important to me ... like my rugged good looks ( ), or being "fashionable" with my clothing, or having a new car ... these things are so unimportant now.
My health is good, my wife and I have been retired for 5 years and are doing fine financially, our family is doing well, we're busy with a variety of things we like to do (rather than things we have to do) ... in short, life is good.
If the price of getting older is to lose my looks over time, that's a very small price I'm happy to pay just as long as possible.
I'm 61, and truth be told, I have enjoyed getting older. Things that used to be important to me ... like my rugged good looks ( ), or being "fashionable" with my clothing, or having a new car ... these things are so unimportant now.
I don't like the way I look now. I deal with it by not looking in the mirror any more than is absolutely necessary, which is, surprisingly, very little.
For instance, I don't stand in front of the mirror to brush my teeth.
I trust my hairdresser. I never look in her mirror.
Fluorescent lights? No thank you.
I have made changes in the way I dress based on unexpected glimpses of myself in unflattering mirrors. I wear dark colors instead of the white tee shirts that used to be a staple.
I don't weigh myself. I know I weigh more than is flattering. I figure that if I wanted to be slim more than I want to eat, I would eat less. I like to eat, but even 10-15 pounds makes a difference to arthritic joints, so I stay within a range of comfort.
I keep my clothing and myself clean and wear a light fragrance. Its really easy to let this one slide when you start to feel bad about your appearance. Also, clothing that is worn and shapeless gets tossed. An attractive at-home ensemble keeps my spirits up.
I can relate to your health issues. They caused the biggest, fastest change in my appearance, and it was devastating to me. I felt like I aged overnight. Now, I am 10 years out and have things under control, but I am 10 years older.
I have never been photogenic, but black and white pictures of me are the most flattering.
Can you still get glamour portraits made? The ones that were popular in the 90's (I think) where they did your hair and makeup. That might be fun. A nice present to yourself, or a fun day out with a good friend. A little fantasy is a good thing. The picture of Lucille Ball is beautiful, but I'll bet she didn't get up in the morning looking like that, even then.
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