How to Cope With Losing Your Looks? (inherit, retired, relationship)
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I think that when one gets too hung up on the outer man they have neglected to work on the inner man.
I am 63, and look nothing like my dad, more like my grand father through photos ,even then I am in better shape .
I am sorry that the stress had take such a tole on you in the last year , but now is the time to start working on the inner you and develop wisdom and courage and faith and grace ,more so than ever before. We all have room for improvement .
Wallowing in ones losses does not help one over come them, it just digs the hole even deeper.
Some folk have one major event in their life, and the rest of their life is consumed by it by their making, making an issue about of it in every conversation .
Soon no one wants to be around them. self imposed pity party.
A phrase I prod my self with is ,
One is either a problem or the solution.
I hope to make a difference in my life being a solution. not the problem.
I sometimes think about plastic surgery, but then my good sense
kicks in.
I am in no way as attractive as I once was.
But candlelight helps. And of course a smile.
On the subject of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", here are two photos to ponder.
The first one is an unflattering photo of me. Normally I just delete unflattering photos of me, but I thought I'd post this one just to make a point. The first point is I feel it's unflattering--mostly because I had different expectations for this particular photo... but even though I don't like the shot, logic tells me you guys probably don't think it's as bad as I do.
Point #2 is the photo may be ugly, but I'm not. It's just an unflattering angle.
The story behind the photo: it was taken by my husband last weekend. He's a wonderful man who has countless skills--but photography is not one of them. In my mind, he was going to capture me crossing the finish line, flashing my trademark smile (my one good feature), my hair flying in the wind as I show off my stride. Yah right.
In reality, he snapped it 5 seconds too late and instead got Barbie and Ken crossing the finish line. I've stopped looking victorious, I'm starting to wind down and trying to deal with a crowd of people. And I'm starting to feel some aches and pain, and I look tired. You see bags under my eyes (but, to be fair, I had gone to a sunrise opening of a firehouse that same day). My hair is no longer flying, it's matted and funky looking. It's a side shot, which is never flattering.
Now, getting to the OP's question, I could look at this photo two different ways:
1. I could get depressed because I no longer look like Barbie and Ken who were crossing the line right behind me. I could dwell on the photo and think about it all day, letting it bother me more and more.
or...
2. I could have a good laugh at it. I could remember that it still looks better than the shot on my drivers license. Also, that nobody looks good in race clothes or after completing a race, and the point of the shot is I crossed the finish line (woo hoo!). And if I start comparing myself to Barbie, I should also notice that I crossed the finish line ahead of both Barbie and Ken.
3. Furthermore, the photo only looks bad to me--and that's because of my expectations. I was imagining it could look like something in Sports Illustrated. Plus, I was comparing it to photos taken back in my 20s. Not only have my looks changed, but I forget that I've had unflattering photos taken when I was 20, as well. I remember only the good photos, because I long ago threw the dud photos away. But the point is, to the rest of you, I probably look just fine. It's all perspective.
So, to answer your question on how I deal with a photo like this....
1. If I see a photo of myself that I don't like, I delete it. This one would have disappeared already except that I thought I might use it to make a point in this thread. In two days, it's history.
2. I remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because I don't think I look great doesn't mean others will feel the same.
3. Most of all, I move on to the next thing. No time to dwell on any disappointing photos from last weekend, I have another race coming up this weekend to think about.
The next shot is one I took a few days ago of a cat we're adopting. This is Hyperion (no, I didn't name him that. The shelter gave him the name because it's where he was found.) He's old (they think he's around 14) and has a little mange and is overweight.
Look at that face. Maybe he's like the OP, thinking "Look at those kittens. I remember when I was tiny and cute like that. Now I'm fat and I've lost my looks."
But we thought he was the handsomest cat in the place!
I mean look at that face! He may be older and overweight and a little mangy but we took one look at those eyes and fell in love. Beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder.
One of the tricky things is that I normally don't think about my looks - and when I see myself in the mirror, I try to accept what I see. I don't spend any time during the day thinking about my looks. I assume since I previously thought of myself as attractive, that that belief must lie somewhere in my subconscious mind, so it's a real shock when I see evidence that it is no longer true.
And if I perceived my looks as simply "getting older," it seems like that would be easier to accept. It's the changes in my looks that I could have never anticipated. Some people look like their younger selves as they age and some don't.
I think if I had the extra funds, I would definitely do some beauty procedures (facials, etc.) and get some new clothes. As it is, I am just going to have to keep coming to terms with the changes.
P.S. When I was around 10 year's younger than I am now (in my mid-fifties then), I had a high school girlfriend visit. I don't know what caused me to say this (we were probably talking about other people and looks) but I said, "I think I look pretty good for my age." There was dead silence! (She is no longer a friend now - not just because of that, but that was one thing! She could have humored me . . . lol). My perception is that I still looked okay then (judging by pictures).
Part of me "disagrees" with the way life is set up and the fact that people age at all . . . I have philosophical discussions with myself about this when I am out and about. I have a great appreciation for beauty in all forms and seeing something unaesthetically pleasing to the eye, disturbs me. Youth and health usually correlate and the opposite is true, as well.
I have thought about aging animals and I find them beautiful - it's aging humans that can be unattractive. An old dog can be cute in it's oldness. And there are some adorable old people.
And as for the inner human being - of course that shines through. I can appreciate that. It's the shell that can be disturbing.
I wish I had people I could trust around me to assist me in figuring out how to look better - someone to help me figure out flattering hairstyles, clothing, make-up, etc.
On the subject of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", here are two photos to ponder.
The first one is an unflattering photo of me. Normally I just delete unflattering photos of me, but I thought I'd post this one just to make a point. The first point is I feel it's unflattering--mostly because I had different expectations for this particular photo... but even though I don't like the shot, logic tells me you guys probably don't think it's as bad as I do.
Point #2 is the photo may be ugly, but I'm not. It's just an unflattering angle.
The story behind the photo: it was taken by my husband last weekend. He's a wonderful man who has countless skills--but photography is not one of them. In my mind, he was going to capture me crossing the finish line, flashing my trademark smile (my one good feature), my hair flying in the wind as I show off my stride. Yah right.
In reality, he snapped it 5 seconds too late and instead got Barbie and Ken crossing the finish line. I've stopped looking victorious, I'm starting to wind down and trying to deal with a crowd of people. And I'm starting to feel some aches and pain, and I look tired. You see bags under my eyes (but, to be fair, I had gone to a sunrise opening of a firehouse that same day). My hair is no longer flying it's matted and funky looking. It's a side shot, which is never flattering.
Now, getting to the OP's question, I could look at this photo two different ways:
1. I could get depressed because I no longer look like Barbie and Ken who were crossing the line right behind me. I could dwell on the photo and think about it all day, letting it bother me more and more.
or...
2. I could have a good laugh at it. I could remember that nobody looks good in race clothes or after completing a race, and the point of the shot is I crossed the finish line (woo hoo!). And if I start comparing myself to Barbie, I should also notice that I crossed the finish line ahead of both Barbie and Ken.
3. Furthermore, the photo only looks bad to me--and that's because I had different expectations for how it would look and I remember looking a different way in earlier years. To the rest of you, I probably look just fine. It's all perspective.
So, to answer your question on how I deal with a photo like this....
1. If I see a photo of myself that I don't like, I delete it. This one would have disappeared already except that I thought I might use it to make a point in this thread. In two days, it's history.
2. I remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because I don't think I look great doesn't mean others will feel the same.
3. Most of all, I move on to the next thing. No time to dwell on any disappointing photos from last weekend, I have another race coming up this weekend to think about.
The next shot is one I took a few days ago of a cat we're adopting. This is Hyperion (no, I didn't name him that. The shelter gave him the name because it's where he was found.) He's old (they think he's around 14) and has a little mange and is overweight.
Look at that face. Maybe he's like the OP, thinking "Look at those kittens. I remember when I was tiny and cute like that. Now I'm fat and I've lost my looks."
But we thought he was the handsomest cat in the place!
I mean look at that face! He may be older and overweight and a little mangy but we took one look at those eyes and fell in love. Beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder.
Beauty definitely is in the eye of the beholder, because I see nothing unattractive about that cat. I don't see him as being overweight in the least. I think "overweight" is a human construct anyway.
Why do most women say........................" everybody says I don't look anywhere near my age " ?
I don't think anybody has ever determined how one is supposed to look at any one age so I think they just compare to the worst example.
That way, everybody but the worst example looks younger..
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