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Evaluating other’s character by looking for defects in them makes one’s own disposition that of a curmudgeon. Not a good indicator of one’s own mental health, leave alone character. Far better to look within and cure one’s own defects, and try to be kind and accepting of oneself and others. That is a mark of a healthy character.
I don’t think you have to look for defects so much as be mindful of red flag behaviors. I try to resist making snap judgments with people I don’t know well because you don’t know if you’re seeing them on their best or worst days. But service worker abuse and cheating in competitions (or on significant others) are very clear warning signs for me.
Another good litmus test is whether people leave their shopping carts in the middle of parking lots or return them to cart corrals.
Micromanagement tendencies can also speak to someone’s character. Micromanagers are not necessarily bad people, but for various reasons they lack the ability to trust and delegate and therefore make ineffective leaders.
Last edited by ElijahAstin; 01-21-2023 at 09:19 AM..
I don’t think you have to look for defects so much as be mindful of red flag behaviors. I try to resist making snap judgments with people I don’t know well because you don’t know if you’re seeing them on their best or worst days. But service worker abuse and cheating in competitions (or on significant others) are very clear warning signs for me.
Another good litmus test is whether people leave their shopping carts in the middle of parking lots or return them to cart corrals.
Micromanagement tendencies can also speak to someone’s character. Micromanagers are not necessarily bad people, but for various reasons they lack the ability to trust and delegate and therefore make ineffective leaders.
Not so sure about that one. Here's my policy: If the store is as it should be, I put my cart back. If the store is so poorly stocked that I have make at least another visit, or go to a second store, they can put their own cart back. If they do their job, I'll do mine.
Not so sure about that one. Here's my policy: If the store is as it should be, I put my cart back. If the store is so poorly stocked that I have make at least another visit, or go to a second store, they can put their own cart back. If they do their job, I'll do mine.
Which is a perfectly good reason to avoid going back to that first store. But you’re effectively punishing the $10/hour employees who have zero control over their store’s supply chain.
Which is a perfectly good reason to avoid going back to that first store. But you’re effectively punishing the $10/hour employees who have zero control over their store’s supply chain.
Punishing them? Let's see...they could order more carefully (all they have to do is press the button on an electronic device), stock the shelves, and bring in the grocery carts. Having worked in a grocery store for nearly 6 years myself, I know how hard a job...it isn't. And I'm not even bringing up something appropriate to the religion sub-forum...the lying to customers. Employees, whether they managers or stockers or cashiers need to do their jobs...to take some pride in their work...that's a part of morality, too.
Following Yamas and niyamas, or the 10 Commandments. I do know people that follow all these but are not religious. But they are moral people. One example that comes to mind is Charles Krauthammer.
One of the main goals of being religious or spiritual is to improve or keep good character. But to improve one's character, you need to have some sort of a definition or measuring stick of what is good character.
So what is good character? I am sure that we might all define it in different ways. I came across this LINK from a Ted Gioia that defines 8 ways for evaluating character:
1. Look at who they are married to.
2. See how they treat service workers.
3. What experiences formed their early life.
4. How do they invest in their two most valuable resources.
5. What irritates them, as this likely is something that they have in themselves.
6. Can they listen?
7. If they cheat at small things, they cheat at big things.
8. Watch how they handle unexpected problems.
I actually do really well under this scoring system. I think I only fail at #8 because of anxiety attacks that I sometimes get in some situations. I think I get A+ for #s 1 (I love you hubby!), 2, 4, 6, and 7. I think #2, #4, #6, and #7 are the best points he has.
How do you all measure character?
I think it can be as simple as:
1) Do you have love in your heart and actions?
2) Do you seek to serve others through those loving actions?
3) Do you listen, for an enemy is merely someone's story you have refused to hear.
"You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is not another commandment greater than these." -Jesus in Mark 12:31
You might find many a worthwhile and valuable way to improve character by expanding your bandwidth beyond religion and/or instead of religion. At least in addition to religion...
If you want to go on a journey that provides the best views, it's not always best to stick to the road most traveled, that you know best or feel most comfortable navigating. Sometimes too, maybe we're okay just the way we are, where we are, and we don't really need to go anywhere else. Sometimes there is no real good reason to feel the need or want for more or better, but we humans typically can't accept that possibility.
All depends on where we are in life. There are no two people in exactly the same place along these lines, but no matter who or where we are, may we all achieve the life goals and happiness that brings us the best level of comfort and satisfaction possible.
Here's to your thread and your successful journey in any case! All the best!
interesting. regarding "Look at who they are married to" i would also add, look at who they are no longer married to. because character is also what a person chooses to walk away from. my strength of character is demonstrated by situations and people i have the strength of character to leave. when we are young we can be very starry eyed and naive and lacking life experience. as the arc of our life story progresses and unfolds, we are better able to evaluate people places and situations.
which brings us to another item on the list "If they cheat at small things, they cheat at big things." i always heard that as 'how you do something is how you do everything.' that was a factor for reaching the tipping point of leaving my marriage. him cheating on the taxes. and not seeing anything wrong with it. i couldn't raise children in a situation where that was condoned and even boasted about.
one of the favorites i heard for character, which has stayed with me, only i think it was for integrity, is what you do when nobody's watching, what you do when you know you can get away with it. another favorite is at work talking to the janitor with the same level of regard as talking to the CEO. Acting differently around people who you want something from (gushing, fawning, posturing, seeking to impress), compared to how you act around people who can't help you in any way (ignore, brush them off, cold, indifferent). The greater the disparity in how you treat others, indicates decrease in character.
those come to mind reading the list
I've noticed a fair bit of strength, but character?
Sometimes it might be too strong a character that needs correcting, improving and/or fixing...
There are a wide of variety of mirrors available on sites such as Amazon.
Always love the good laugh this forum sometimes delivers to me! Thanks for this one!
There are also some great self-assessment and self-improvement books available on Amazon that I'd highly recommend to some people posting in this forum...
I probably mention my work as an Executive Coach too often in this forum, but this forum is forever bringing up the sorts of issues I was trained to address as an EC. There are so many ways people can improve their chances for success or happiness in life, and the training I was fortunate to receive involves a spectrum from which to evaluate the person wanting to improve themselves. It was such an eye-opener to learn how people will view themselves vs how others will view them, and of course being able to recognize these areas for consideration is among the very first steps that might lead to worthwhile progress.
There is a reason companies will pay very good money to have an EC help their leadership team, and of course the leadership team is typically made up of highly intelligent productive members of their organization. Amazingly enough, however, even these people who are already successful in their own right will experience truly "break-through" realizations about themselves thanks to executive coaching that helps them see about themselves what they just can't seem to see without help from someone else, like an EC. In some cases they even have some real problem areas that, if fixed, can help them significantly in the future. To better work with others for example. Help that allows them to do so much better than they would be able to do without.
Takes much more than a mirror in any case, but that's the idea in some respects.
Sometimes it takes someone else holding the mirror in just the right way for a person to see what they're not necessarily wanting or ready to see. I only wish I had learned earlier in my career what I learned later as an EC. Everyone should have the benefit of working with an EC at some point in their career (or life coach if not about career). Both experiences can provide real benefits to the sort of people who are really open to those sorts of opportunities.
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