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Honestly truly, when I got married, all I wanted was for guests to come and help me celebrate. I didn't register anywhere, and did not expect gifts. Of course, we got some, and we got lots of envelopes of money, but in my mind, it was all a happy surprise, and I was grateful for everyone's generosity.
I got married almost 50 years ago. At that time, in my group, the only person you got money from as a wedding present would usually be a rich old uncle or someone like that. Everyone else gave you a present. It could be lavish, it could be simple, and it could be deliberately insulting. I received everything from a single pillow case, to a stained tablecloth (given deliberately as an insult because I was "used goods"....I had been engaged before and apparently that made me the ***** of Babylon), to very nice gifts.
A wedding invitation I received a few years ago stated on a little card inserted in the invitation that the bride and groom didn't want "presents". Instead they asked for cash or gift cards (and the preferred gift cards were listed). They'd prefer not to have checks. Apparently their honeymoon was going to be financed by the amount of money they received, so checks would have just slowed them down....
Frankly, with so many brides and grooms living together for several years before they marry, I wouldn't even want to have to try to figure out a "present" to give them, even if they are registered. I'd much rather give them money and let them get what they want. What I don't like, however, is being "told" to give them money. In the state I used to live in, that was called "cover the plate". Now, how one was supposed to find out how much the "plate" costs, I don't know. I figure $100 per guest is a sufficient number, depending on how close the happy couple are to you. If they spend more than that on each meal, then more fool them.
In this story, I think both bride and guests were rude. But what I don't understand is why the guest even attended the wedding. He apparently didn't know the brides very well and didn't even have their e-mails. This might've been the source of all misunderstanding.
But it is rude and inconsiderate for a guest to come to an expensive wedding with a date and bring maybe a gift in a $50-$70 range. We could assume that the guest was not in any financial hardship as this was not mentioned... In this day and age, most big stores issue a gift receipt that allows the recipient of the gift to return it, if necessary. I think it is good manners for the guest to include that as part of their gift.
But of course bride was out of line as well. It is OK to politely ask if there is a gift receipt available. It is not polite and downright offensive to complain about the gift...
I think it was a nice, thoughtful gift. If they want gifts to cover the plates, then plan a picnic in the park. Very rude & tacky, & I hate the gluten free lie part, it really does a discredit to those who ate genuinely gluten intolerant/allergic.
In this story, I think both bride and guests were rude. But what I don't understand is why the guest even attended the wedding. He apparently didn't know the brides very well and didn't even have their e-mails. This might've been the source of all misunderstanding.
But it is rude and inconsiderate for a guest to come to an expensive wedding with a date and bring maybe a gift in a $50-$70 range. We could assume that the guest was not in any financial hardship as this was not mentioned... In this day and age, most big stores issue a gift receipt that allows the recipient of the gift to return it, if necessary. I think it is good manners for the guest to include that as part of their gift.
But of course bride was out of line as well. It is OK to politely ask if there is a gift receipt available. It is not polite and downright offensive to complain about the gift...
I'm kind of gobsmacked at this. If someone is an invited GUEST, why is it rude to only give a gift in the $50 to $75 range? For one thing, the guest presumably didn't have a say in how expensive the wedding was going to be.
Second, if I invited someone to my home for a meal, I don't expect them to give me a gift or money for the honor of my company. I think it's a lovely gesture if they want to bring flowers or something...but not expected. Why would I have that expectation at my wedding?
I'm kind of gobsmacked at this. If someone is an invited GUEST, why is it rude to only give a gift in the $50 to $75 range? For one thing, the guest presumably didn't have a say in how expensive the wedding was going to be.
Second, if I invited someone to my home for a meal, I don't expect them to give me a gift or money for the honor of my company. I think it's a lovely gesture if they want to bring flowers or something...but not expected. Why would I have that expectation at my wedding?
Because weddings are way more expensive than an at-home dinner.
I'm kind of gobsmacked at this. If someone is an invited GUEST, why is it rude to only give a gift in the $50 to $75 range? For one thing, the guest presumably didn't have a say in how expensive the wedding was going to be.
No kidding!
I mean, if you want me to cover the cost of my meal, let me know how much it is so I can figure out if I can afford to come or not.
Because weddings are way more expensive than an at-home dinner.
Hosting is hosting is hosting. Period. It's a social function, not a transaction. HOST the type of wedding you can afford, without shaking down your guests. .
Hosting is hosting is hosting. Period. It's a social function, not a transaction. HOST the type of wedding you can afford, without shaking down your guests. .
Yes this.
A gift is just that: a gift. It is not meant to be payment for a night of food and entertainment selected by someone else. It does seem to be a common misconception I see more often from posters in the NY/NJ area. It may be customary there but it has nothing to do with etiquette.
Per Lizzie Post (great great granddaughter to Emily Post):
Quote:
..by throwing a wedding, the host is saying:
" I'm having this monumental moment in my life. Please come celebrate with me. " The guests are going to want to say thank you for that party; that thank you can be in words," Post says. The gift is not your thank you for being invited. "The gift is your way of saying: 'Congratulations. You're special to me.' "
"...
Last edited by maciesmom; 05-21-2018 at 12:38 PM..
I think the bride was extremely rude. To ask for a receipt for the gift was appalling.
I once had a cousin who had her wedding invitations state , "Gift in money only". Well, I didnt go to that wedding; so she got no gift nor money.
How rude. Even IF most people give cash---you should never assume that is what they will bring. At my own wedding someone gave to me a crystal decanter--and I thought it was the most beautiful gift I received--I still have it to this day--and told the giver so.
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