Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm kind of gobsmacked at this. If someone is an invited GUEST, why is it rude to only give a gift in the $50 to $75 range? For one thing, the guest presumably didn't have a say in how expensive the wedding was going to be.
Second, if I invited someone to my home for a meal, I don't expect them to give me a gift or money for the honor of my company. I think it's a lovely gesture if they want to bring flowers or something...but not expected. Why would I have that expectation at my wedding?
Well, let's agree to politely disagree about this. These traditions and customs are neither wrong or right and it sounds like different ares of the country think differently about wedding gifts.
Here in the NY tri state area I believe most people give check as gifts. At least most of the people that I know do. I only went to the weddings of the friends and family I have been close with. Or close to someone I was dating If I was invited to accompany her. I do believe that the gift should be roughly commensurate with the cost of the reception.
Also, for practical purposes, giving gifts here would be difficult. Most people already live together and have all the necessary household items. The younger the couple the less space they have typically for anything. My wife and I were living in a one bedroom apartment that was about 700 sq feet. We were also in a never moving waiting list for a extra storage. Imagine if we received 30 gifts... What would we even do with them... The one thoughtful gift we did receive were tickets to a Carnegie Hall performance. That was very nice and we still remember the music...
Last edited by DefiantNJ; 05-24-2018 at 10:57 AM..
Do your friends whose reception is modest deserve a smaller gift than the ones whose parents dropped 50 grand on a party?
To some extent yes. If they are doing a reception in a more modest restaurant/reception center then probably not. But if this some informal ceremony in the park or in someone's backyard then I believe they do deserve a smaller gift. Or rather the gift portion would be the same but the portion that covers their expenses will be accordingly smaller.
Do your friends whose reception is modest deserve a smaller gift than the ones whose parents dropped 50 grand on a party?
I find that a bit mind-boggling. I've always purchased a gift or given money based on how close I am to the happy couple. I've never factored in what they choose to spend on their wedding day.
It sounds snobby, but the traditional etiquette I grew up with is that your gift should be on par with the cost of your reception meal.
So....you go to the reception, assess the cost of your meal, and cut a check accordingly? My mind is blown.
I do as you say for a fundraising dinner but not a wedding.
If anything, assuming we are equally close, I would be inclined to give a larger gift to the couple with a more modest reception than the ones who dropped 50 grand on a party (or their parents did).
It sounds snobby, but the traditional etiquette I grew up with is that your gift should be on par with the cost of your reception meal.
It may well be local custom but it is not "etiquette". Basing what we spend on gifts on how wealthy the recipients family is (or how wealthy they want people to believe they are)? No basis in good manners.
In fact, what is actually an etiquette no-no is speculating how much your hosts spent. And you can't "cover the plate" without doing that.
It sounds snobby, but the traditional etiquette I grew up with is that your gift should be on par with the cost of your reception meal.
Actually etiquette is not based on monetary value but the INTENT of the Guests graciousness. Be it a Home made afghan, family heirloom or social want.
I once gave a Pen set to an endearing couple as a wedding gift. Its still in its beautiful Carved BOX. It was an heirloom from past generations. Pearl and ivory encrusted. Sounds tacky to some that a pen set would be given...it is just ink. But I like to think that with a marriage will come history and that pen had plenty of love lorn letters written with it. Its a symbol of the power of lanquage and the written word.
And we had BBQ sandwichs at the reception. So I doubt real highly that my gift matched the meal, it did match my intention to honor the betrothed with a keepsake.
It sounds snobby, but the traditional etiquette I grew up with is that your gift should be on par with the cost of your reception meal.
No, this is absolutely wrong. The etiquette you grew up with is made up by ignorant people.
A wedding is a joyful occasion attended by those who love and care for the couple. The reception was traditionally to provide food and drink to those who had traveled a long way to attend. A wedding is not a shake down for money, but a chance to provide necessities for homemaking to a new couple. A gift is optional and it’s value is according to the means of the giver.
The world has become a very crass place.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
