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I've been living here for a couple months and have found it a tough place to meet people. I am in early-mid 30s and it seems people here are either younger (college-aged) or older and married. One thing I am noticing is people here are quite reserved and more often than not will turn their face rather than say hello to you when walking down the street. I have not experienced this in any of other places I have lived. It seems the most friendly people I meet here are transplants from other places.
Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone had good suggests of how a single 30-something non-college student male could go about meeting people in this very reserved town. I've been feeling a little bit depressed about the situation. I am sick of hanging out at bars and it seems that alcoholism and drug abuse are major problems here. Especially, alcoholism. I've never seen a place where people drink so much and so quickly. I do notice that the shy-personalities many people have when they are sober do open up a bit when they are saturated with booze. However, I would much rather make friends in a sober, clean environment. I have neither the money or desire to do lot of drinking, but that seems to be the only option here.
I've attempted to look into activities, groups and such, but there does't seem to be much going around here except loud music and drinking events. Meetup for Bellingham seems to only have groups centered for women and gay people.
Anyway, I am thinking of packing my bags and leaving this town. I subletted a temporary rental for the Summer. This town really is beautiful and the surrounding area, which is the one big thing I will miss about it and that makes me want to stay. However, I really don't find the people that friendly. There are some nice people I meet around town, but considering the reserved nature of the people and lack of events it is really tough to meet people. I am not rowdy, drunk and boisterous enough to survive in the bar scene here, which I don't like.
Also, I am not a Christian, so church activities won't help me.
I have heard the term "Seattle Freeze", well I feel like I am experiencing something similar, that I am coining as the "Bellingham Freeze". At least in Seattle there is social groups, activities and other types of things you can do to meet people. Not to mention all the transplants in the area who are new and looking for others in the same situation.
I am also growing very tired of the college element here. The loud, rowdy and rude college students are annoying. Also, so many of them are unfriendly and act like they are uber-cool and special. I just hate the arrogant attitude, although I remember back in my college days I may have had a little bit of this myself. I'd rather not have to go back in time and be around that element again.
I know I will encounter some very "passive aggressive" responses by locals for sharing my opinion about the place. The passive aggressiveness here is also very alarming. I've never been to a place where people get so offended for little things and give you these looks of death, like they want to tell you to drop dead, but do so in other ways like slamming your change on the table. One bartender rudely slammed my money at the table because I was complaining about the Wifi not working and said in a polite way I would have to find a place that had decent Wifi. He got mad at me and then acted real anal trying to pay me back. It is hard to explain, but I really feel I have encountered this "passive aggressiveness" that many talk about being so prevalent here.
Oh well, this town is really beautiful and if I didn't feel empty I would stay. Who knows, maybe I can just get use to the solitary living. I'm thinking Seattle though would have a better environment to meet more down-to-earth people. It seems the local element here doesn't have a lot of love for outsiders. The town is quite cliquey. The locals and college kids seem to hang among their own.
I've been here a year now and haven't really met anyone, but I'm very much a loner so it hasn't really bothered me much. I live in Fairhaven and often times when I'm out walking I'll have quite a few people say hello to me, but that doesn't happen to me very often in other parts of town. I haven't really noticed anything unusual about the college kids, but I grew up in a college town so maybe I'm just used to them. If anything I think they're a little less annoying here than where I came from. Haven't really noticed much passive-aggressiveness, but I also never go to bars and rarely restaurants. Actually I've had nothing but good encounters with the people here.
You been here for a whole year and have not met anybody? Wow.. What other place than Bellingham is this so easy to do. I think your response has proven my point.
You been here for a whole year and have not met anybody? Wow.. What other place than Bellingham is this so easy to do. I think your response has proven my point.
Maybe, but I'm also extremely introverted. In fact I haven't even attempted to meet anyone, so for all I know someone who's good at making friends may do far better. Or they may not, I have no idea.
Bellingham is extremely introverted, IMO.. So, I think you fit in quite well.. I don't quite understand people who just love to isolate themselves so much. I notice there is a lot of alcoholism and drug abuse in the town, but especially alcoholism. I don't really know how people go about making friends in this town if they don't go on drunken escapades at the local bars/clubs. There seems to be very little social groups, activities, events. Everything seems to revolve around booze and music. My feelings is that a majority of the town is either older and retired, grew up here or is part of the college scene, which in case the college students have an easier time socializing among themselves.
Also, there is a certain "COOL" attitude people exhibit here I find annoying in the downtown/college area. So many people just put up a big act to impress others. Let's just say people are not down-to-earth and friendly. Everyone is out to prove how great they are. I wish people would just be Real.
The Northside/Cordata area is breathable at least, but it is all older people and families.
I know Bellingham somewhat well. I've pit-stopped there and have even overnighted there en route to Vancouver, being that it's cheaper than Canada.
It's mostly a collection of college kids, of the hipster or frat/sorority extremes, professors, granolas hanging on to their youth, hicks, and conservative families with kids. If that's not your demographic, I think it would be hellish to live there.
Bellingham is extremely introverted, IMO.. So, I think you fit in quite well.. I don't quite understand people who just love to isolate themselves so much. I notice there is a lot of alcoholism and drug abuse in the town, but especially alcoholism. I don't really know how people go about making friends in this town if they don't go on drunken escapades at the local bars/clubs. There seems to be very little social groups, activities, events. Everything seems to revolve around booze and music. My feelings is that a majority of the town is either older and retired, grew up here or is part of the college scene, which in case the college students have an easier time socializing among themselves.
Also, there is a certain "COOL" attitude people exhibit here I find annoying in the downtown/college area. So many people just put up a big act to impress others. Let's just say people are not down-to-earth and friendly. Everyone is out to prove how great they are. I wish people would just be Real.
The Northside/Cordata area is breathable at least, but it is all older people and families.
I actually find the north side of town least tolerable, mainly because it seems like it's all traffic and big box stores. I generally stay mostly in Fairhaven (where I live) and downtown. Like I said, I don't go to bars so I don't really have any experience with the people who frequent them, but I do ride my bike through the downtown area late at night on my way home from work, and there's definitely a lot of bar-hoppers and loud music (and loud people). Not my thing at all. But really, my old town was no different in that regard, except here no one yells at me when I ride by on a bike.
Pretty much all of my experience interacting with other people here has either been at work, or just in stores while going about my daily life. And in those situations, I've only had positive experiences for the most part. Just about everyone is always extremely nice to me.
Are far as being introverted, it's not that I love to isolate myself or actively try to do so, it's just that it doesn't really bother me much. In my hometown most of my friends were people I met in high school or earlier, and they were all married so I rarely saw them anyway. At my last job there, I considered most of my coworkers friends. We got along pretty well and they were always inviting me to do stuff with them after work. But while I enjoyed their company at work, after work all I wanted to do was go home and be by myself. I had seen more than enough of them throughout the day. Here in Bellingham, I do occasionally find myself wishing I had a friend or two sometimes when I'm out for a bike ride or walking around taking pictures (one of my hobbies), but those thoughts are fleeting, and usually if I'm around people for very long I can't wait to get home and be alone again. So really, from my own experience I couldn't say how hard it is to make friends here, because I imagine my particular scenario would be the same no matter which city I lived in. That's one reason I sort of ignored it when people on this forum said that folks in this area are very reserved and it's hard to make friends. When I visited I saw that they were mostly very polite during little day-to-day exchanges, and that was really all I was interested in. Plus that's a huge improvement over my hometown, where every other store clerk is having a bad day and thinks nothing of taking it out on the customer. I've literally never had that happen to me here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
It's mostly a collection of college kids, of the hipster or frat/sorority extremes, professors, granolas hanging on to their youth, hicks, and conservative families with kids. If that's not your demographic, I think it would be hellish to live there.
It's very similar to my hometown, except there the categories would be:
1. Hyper-conservative college/frat/sorority/kids
2. Hyper-conservative/religious young families with kids
3. Hyper-conservative "Good old boys" who run the town and own everything
And God help you if you don't fall under one of those! I've never really fit in with any group no matter where I am, but I get the impression that here no one gives a crap. They may not be breaking down my door wanting me to join their "group", but they also don't seem to care if I'm a weirdo, either.
Lamplight, I don't think you're a weirdo. It's simply that some find it easier to connect with people more than others. And some put more importance in that connection than others. And well, some simply need that connection more than others (for a multitude of reasons). I, too, have a "loner" tendency and I like it that way as well. When I was younger, I had many friends but at the same time, they were always held at a particular distance (if that makes sense). Of course my need or desire for a "companion" is a dif. story. There's nothing like being able to share "life" with your soulmate, that single one person who just gets you. I think without that (whether one wants to believe they actually need companionship or not), would grow lonelier and lonelier as time goes by becoming more withdrawn and even bitter because of their lonlieness. Honestly, I believe we weren't created to be alone. But again, having the need or desire for a soulmate vs. "friends" are two dif. things.
I think you're perfectly fine, but do recognize when a particular person might be placed in your path who just might have your same interests, some of the same outlooks on life, same moral compass, same passions and dreams. If you give it any attention, you might come to realize that that person just might be your soulmate, an extension of you. And then all the best things in life become even better, richer, and incredibly more satisfying.
Ugh, these responses are depressing me, just like Bellingham. Yeah, of course, you want to just go home and be left alone after you are done with work. That is the way it is around here, there is no real community, just a bunch of people who work, get drunk and go isolate themselves.
I'm self-employed, so I don't have luxury of co-workers, but Lamplight, I am glad you have those people. Don't just throw them away. You ought not to turn down all their invitations or you may regret it one day , when you are looking for somebody to talk to. It's almost like people around here have no emotions or souls. People are so brainwashed into being anti-social here, IMO. Good friends aren't easy to find around here.
I guess I come from a different type of culture, where sharing your emotions with people and being friendly, rather than isolating yourselves and putting up some type of facade of happiness. Yet, you even spill the beans at times you say you want a friend to do things with? Don't you know in order to make friends you need to sometimes do things you don't want to do, like go to that BBQ or activity. People are not really wanting to make the sacrifices it takes to make friends here, it seems.
Yeah, people are polite here and interactions in stores are very robotic almost. I wouldn't mind meeting somebody like you describe in the Tennesse who at least can act like himself, rather than just giving me a fake, superficial smile and then later blowing his brains out because he cannot take it anymore. Is it any wonder why the Pacific Northwest, esp Washington has one of the highest suicide rates in the world? People are programmed to be nice.
The rowdy and drunk college kids are only smiling and laughing at night with plenty of booze in them. That isn't what I call friendliness either. During the day most of them seem reserved and anti-social, which is odd for college people. That is drug-induced and I find loud, drunks friendliness to be superficial as well.
Anyway, I have given up on finding decent friends or a "soul-mate" around here. Most of the college girls look at me as an old creep and everyone outside the college is older and married. This is definitely not a town for older 20/30 somethings to find a date. Everybody goes to the bars to hang with their friends. Where I live it is mostly college girls and they only date within their social circles. They are entirely dependent on the approval of their college friends and no guy from the outside is accepted. Not that I really want to date them, as I find most of them are foul-mouthed rude, juvenile and immature. The college guys here are about the same way, so they seem to make a good match for each other. This is not to say I wasn't like that at their age too, but I guess I forgot since it was so long since I was around the college aged.
The bars are truly depressing, I wish I knew of some other type of thing to do in Bellingham. But is truly culturally depressed. I think if I am forced to stay in this town I will go up to Vancouver or down to Seattle for any type of social activity. It is ashame such a beautiful town has to be so void of any type of cultural and social activities outside of partying, drinking or those only aimed at the college-aged.
Ugh, these responses are depressing me, just like Bellingham. Yeah, of course, you want to just go home and be left alone after you are done with work. That is the way it is around here, there is no real community, just a bunch of people who work, get drunk and go isolate themselves.
I'm self-employed, so I don't have luxury of co-workers, but Lamplight, I am glad you have those people. Don't just throw them away. You ought not to turn down all their invitations or you may regret it one day , when you are looking for somebody to talk to. It's almost like people around here have no emotions or souls. People are so brainwashed into being anti-social here, IMO. Good friends aren't easy to find around here.
Actually I was talking about my coworkers back in TN. It was a very small company (15-16 people) and for the most part we got along great. But a few of them couldn't leave it at work. And while I always appreciated the fact that they wanted to do things with me outside of work, like I said before, I just wanted to go home and be away from people for a while. I've only been at my current job here in Bellingham for a couple of months, and being a loud, bustling factory, there really isn't any opportunity to get to know my coworkers even if I wanted to. Most of them seem like fine people as far as I can tell, but it's simply not the kind of job that will allow me to interact with anyone much. My last day is next Friday anyway, so that's not much of a concern to me anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastMeetsWest7
I guess I come from a different type of culture, where sharing your emotions with people and being friendly, rather than isolating yourselves and putting up some type of facade of happiness. Yet, you even spill the beans at times you say you want a friend to do things with? Don't you know in order to make friends you need to sometimes do things you don't want to do, like go to that BBQ or activity. People are not really wanting to make the sacrifices it takes to make friends here, it seems.
It's only very occasionally that I find myself wanting to make new friends, and that feeling doesn't last very long. I'm simply very content being alone almost all the time. I've been like that as long as I can remember, even in my hometown where I had tons of friends. Whenever I'd do anything with friends, it was always their idea, not mine. I'd often enjoy hanging out with them, but I would have enjoyed being alone just as much. I very, very rarely would ever call anyone first. That doesn't mean I didn't like my friends, or I wouldn't help them when they needed me, or I wouldn't hang out with them if they wanted me to, it just means that I was also perfectly content being alone. Concerning making sacrifices to make friends, I simply don't have enough desire or need for new friends if it means doing things that don't interest me. So yeah, maybe they're like me and simply don't mind being alone so much?
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastMeetsWest7
Yeah, people are polite here and interactions in stores are very robotic almost. I wouldn't mind meeting somebody like you describe in the Tennesse who at least can act like himself, rather than just giving me a fake, superficial smile and then later blowing his brains out because he cannot take it anymore. Is it any wonder why the Pacific Northwest, esp Washington has one of the highest suicide rates in the world? People are programmed to be nice.
Well, everyone's different, but personally I don't like dealing with a cashier who makes me feel like I'm a huge inconvenience just because they're having to do their job. When I have a pleasant interaction with a cashier, I leave the store thinking, "Well that was nice!" and it puts me in a good mood. And in return, I'm always just as nice to them, because why wouldn't I be? If I'm having a bad day why on earth would I want to take it out on someone else who has nothing to do with it? In fact, I've had days that weren't going so well, but then I experienced an especially friendly store clerk/cashier and it made the day a little bit better. If I'm already having a bad day, the last thing I need is a cashier at the grocery store grumbling and acting all irritated just because I had the audacity to need groceries. That's the sort of thing that makes a bad day even worse, and I experienced that all the time in TN.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastMeetsWest7
The rowdy and drunk college kids are only smiling and laughing at night with plenty of booze in them. That isn't what I call friendliness either. During the day most of them seem reserved and anti-social, which is odd for college people. That is drug-induced and I find loud, drunks friendliness to be superficial as well.
I don't really pay much attention to the college kids. My hometown had a university that was twice the size of Western, and the kids there were just as bad if not worse. Except back there half of them were drunk rednecks trying to fight everyone they'd encounter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastMeetsWest7
Anyway, I have given up on finding decent friends or a "soul-mate" around here. Most of the college girls look at me as an old creep and everyone outside the college is older and married. This is definitely not a town for older 20/30 somethings to find a date. Everybody goes to the bars to hang with their friends. Where I live it is mostly college girls and they only date within their social circles. They are entirely dependent on the approval of their college friends and no guy from the outside is accepted. Not that I really want to date them, as I find most of them are foul-mouthed rude, juvenile and immature. The college guys here are about the same way, so they seem to make a good match for each other. This is not to say I wasn't like that at their age too, but I guess I forgot since it was so long since I was around the college aged.
The bars are truly depressing, I wish I knew of some other type of thing to do in Bellingham. But is truly culturally depressed. I think if I am forced to stay in this town I will go up to Vancouver or down to Seattle for any type of social activity. It is ashame such a beautiful town has to be so void of any type of cultural and social activities outside of partying, drinking or those only aimed at the college-aged.
I'm not sure what you mean by "culturally depressed". Compared to my hometown (which is larger than Bellingham, btw) there are tons of things to do here. I guess it just depends on what your interests are and where you came from. Come to think of it, Bellingham even destroys my hometown in nightlife, too, although that doesn't interest me. (Every time I've ever been in a bar, anywhere, all I could think of was how soon I could get out) But regardless, I'm certainly not saying that you should stay here. It sounds like the town isn't a good fit for you, and no one should have to stay somewhere they don't like.
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