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Well, I am glad to learn a bit about you. I don't exactly want the thread to go off course and I am not saying all your actions reflect the town of Bellingham. However, I find your personality and mindset do coincide with a lot of people I met here. Perhaps, that is what attracted you to the area?
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Originally Posted by Lamplight
Well, everyone's different, but personally I don't like dealing with a cashier who makes me feel like I'm a huge inconvenience just because they're having to do their job.
Yeah, I agree that people here are polite and I also hate rude, arrogant and jerky customer service people. However, what I hate worse than rudeness or arrogance is the passive-aggressiveness I experience here. If somebody is upset or hates my guts, I'd rather them just express it to me , rather than give me, what I call "The smile of death". Basically, a person smiles at you when inside hates you and expresses it in a very bizarre manner of friendly hatred. I don't know how to describe "passive-aggressiveness", but it is there. Like one time I was complaining at a bar about the wifi not working and that I would have to go try the next bar down the street. I didn't mean anything offensive by it, but I find people here are quite overly-sensitive. The bartender slammed my money on the table, rudely and quickly turned his face from me and said "thank you". Basically, it was a big "skrew you". I felt he was hostile to me and cold-shouldered me. That makes my blood boil more than some hot-headed person who will at least let me know what he is thinking.
Yeah, well I don't know where you came from in TN, but I am not going to use your home town as the standard to compare all towns in the world, especially Bellingham.
Bellingham IMO i culturally depressed. There is not really any events, activities, groups ,etc.. I've been looking and looking to join some social activities, but outside of churches, pagan/atheist , women and gay/lesbian groups, it seems like nothing exists. Just go check meetup yourself and tell me what type of activites you see. There isn't much. I've lived in several towns that just have more things going on and way more ways to get involved than here. Outside of drinking/loud music venues, it seems quite bleak.
Like you, I really like the commotion and chaos that emanates from bars and I have only gone time to time to just get out of the house.
Yeah B'Ham is not a good fit for me.. Sad to say.. It sure is beautiful place. I would think B'Ham is the best place in the world to get away from society and maybe at different time in my life I will want to do that.
EastMeetsWest7, when will you be moving? I guess fortunately for you being self-employed will allow you to find a new spot and move efficiently and quickly. My wife and I had lived in Boulder, Colorado for about 15 years and had grown weary of the changes that we perceived as negative. I was applying to medical school at the time and after being accepted at a number of schools we were able to move in about a months time. We're in New Orleans now while I'm in school and while it's not in our choices of anywhere we'd ever want to put down roots we're enjoying our time here. Great food, music, people and culture - there's literally a festival or something fun to do every week of the year.
Contrary to your experience we've always found Washington to be full of lively, wonderful people. One of my best friends lives in Bellingham and we always have a great time there. We're planning to settle either in that area (possibly Orcas Island since we'd planned to move there several years ago when I was a software engineer telecommuting all the time) or maybe in New York or New England (practicing in family medicine will allow us to move anywhere we want).
I wish you success and happiness (especially the latter as you don't seem like a very happy, fulfilled person based on your postings). I completely understand your desire to find a place that makes you happy. Just remember - planning and making a move should never take long. Only those who aren't smart enough or driven enough stay in misery. Best of luck.
Is it any wonder why the Pacific Northwest, esp Washington has one of the highest suicide rates in the world?
You literally couldn't be more wrong. If you look at the latest data we have from the CDC you'll see that Washington isn't even in the top 10 for suicide rate:
Washington doesn't even have a city listed in the top 15. The top 5 are cities in NM, CA, AZ, CO and NV (Las Vegas having the highest rate of any city).
Further, here's an article from Forbes showing how many (like yourself) fall for myths like this:
Ironically, I recall reading an article last year (from Time maybe?) that stated that the happiest places (statistically) also have the highest suicide rates worldwide.
If you have better data than these I'm happy to review it.
Yeah, well I don't know where you came from in TN, but I am not going to use your home town as the standard to compare all towns in the world, especially Bellingham.
I was only referencing my hometown because that's my only point of reference. And in comparison to that, Bellingham wins on literally every front, for me anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastMeetsWest7
Bellingham IMO i culturally depressed. There is not really any events, activities, groups ,etc.. I've been looking and looking to join some social activities, but outside of churches, pagan/atheist , women and gay/lesbian groups, it seems like nothing exists. Just go check meetup yourself and tell me what type of activites you see. There isn't much. I've lived in several towns that just have more things going on and way more ways to get involved than here. Outside of drinking/loud music venues, it seems quite bleak.
I don't know about meetup, but it seems like every other time I check the Herald's website there are new photos from some event around town, like the recent art throw-down (which I would have loved to go to, but I had to work of course). Also, I occasionally check this site when I'm bored, and here's the events page:
Now of course, not every event is going to appeal to everyone, but that's several different things going on just in Fairhaven every single day. In fact I need to check that page more frequently, because I find I often learn about events that would interest me after they've already happened.
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Originally Posted by hardtostarboard
Oh and PS - Lamplight, glad you found a place you love. And thanks for all the great pics in the Washington Picture Thread; they're brilliant.
Thanks! I do love photography, but lately I haven't been doing it as much because of my job and also I've been focusing more on illustrating and painting.
Overall, Washington is wonderful.. My life sucks, I work 12-14 hours day and have had financial issues, so yeah, I don't have a lot of leisure time to go out and socialize to begin with. I just find Bellingham very reserved, a bit unfriendly and anti-social compared to other places I have been. Seattle and Portland, even Tacoma, seemed like friendlier places, despite being larger in size. It was easier to meet people and it seemed people were interesting in making friends, whereas in Bellingham everyone has their lifelong group of friends and treats all outside people with suspicion. I've never lived in a town where you walk down the street and so many people turn their heads. In Portland, it was much more common to say hello to people, especially walking down a residential neighborhood street. Here in Bellingham, people literally turn their face to avoid having to look and say hi to you. And, I have on many occasions in this town, smile and say hello and people give me a dirty look and rudely look away, like I am trying to take advantage of them. Now, I find myself doing what other people do here and turn my head when I walk by them. I hate having to be like that, but cultural traits seem to be adopted to fit in. Fairhaven seems like a nice place, but it is mostly older people with a lot of money and I am not so wealthy, so I don't know if they would want to associate with a struggling 30 something guy.
Maybe, it's not Bellingham's fault.. Most people in my age range live in the cities and people here live here to escape from society. Also, getting a job here is tough, so I am sure people have to work very hard to survive here. Maybe, like Lamplight says, by the end of the day, you don't want to go and hang out and be friends with people.
Hardtostarboard, New Orleans, I would imagine is the polar opposite of Bellingham. I've heard Louisiana is the friendliest state in the country and New Orleans is the wildest town in the country.
I never said I was a good person or perfect. I just said I feel Bellingham is anti-social and there seems to be quite an issue with alcoholism. All and all, I feel safe walking around and the scenery is stunning, but people are very afraid of strangers here. The only good times I have are around the drunkards in the bars. They are not good times for me, but for them. I would like to find people who are happy without booze in them.
Thanks for the link of Fairhaven events, Lamplight. Nice to see some type of cultural activities are taking place. Didn't know Fairhaven had its own website.
I was thinking about this tonight at work. I have to wonder how much our different preferences depend on our past experiences and other places we've lived. For example, where I'm from everyone is always "in your business", so to speak. It's kind of hard to explain, but in my hometown there was always the feeling that people wouldn't simply leave you alone. For example, before I moved I owned a house and for lawn mowing I had reel mower. I liked it because it was cheap, required no gas or oil, was extremely quiet, and wouldn't sling sticks and rocks all over the place (like at my windows!). Well in a town where riding mowers are the norm, even for teeny tiny yards, this was considered weird. People at work, once they found out, wouldn't shut up about it. Neighbors were the same way. I'd start mowing my yard and realize one of the neighbors was just standing on his porch staring at me. 30 minutes later he'd still be there. Every single person who drove by would nearly run off the road staring. Any time I mowed the yard I'd have an audience, despite it being such a simple thing that shouldn't matter in the least. Also, for about three years I rode my bicycle to work to save money (that's how I owned a house). That made the lawnmower thing look like nothing. You'd think no one in the entire town had ever seen a bicycle before, and half of them HATED me for it (even when I was nowhere near them on the road).
In short (or is it too late for that?), any little thing out of the ordinary seemed to turn everyone's world upside down, even when it had nothing whatsoever to do with them. So I have to wonder if that feeling of always being on display or under intense scrutiny has something to do with my attitude. In Bellingham, you can bike to work and nobody bats an eyelash. When I interviewed for my current job and the interviewer asked me if I had reliable transportation, I told her I used a bike. Her response was simply, "Oh yeah, we have quite a few people here who do that." When I first started biking to work in TN, one of the first responses I got was a condescending and suspicious, "What's wrong with your truck?" The guy was a customer who didn't even know if I owned a truck or not, I guess he just assumed that any male must have one.
For commuting back home, I'd ride on the greenway every day. When I first started riding I'd say hello to the people I passed, sometimes I'd wave. I finally stopped doing that because all I ever got in return were angry stares. Keep in mind this was TN, a state people assume is especially friendly. So eventually I just stopped trying to be nice to people on the trail, although if someone said hello to me (which was unbelievably rare) I'd smile and say hello in return. But I learned not to bother initiating it because I'd just wind up feeling like I'd done something wrong, like I punched their children in the face or something. When I first took my bike out on the trail here in Bellingham (well, Fairhaven), about three different people smiled and said hello to me right away. This doesn't happen every single time I'm out riding, but it happens more often than not. When I ride or walk to the grocery store busy traffic stops to let me cross the street. That literally happens every single time I leave my apartment (unless I stay on the trail of course). These are just a few of the many little things that sort of blew my mind when I first moved here. I can be a fairly shy person, but since moving here I've become more likely to say hello to strangers, smile and wave to people I don't know, or initiate pleasant chit-chat with a cashier. In my hometown, being nice to people was a mixed bag. Sometimes they'd reciprocate, but often times they'd still act like jerks. But here, it seems like any time I'm nice to someone, they're nice in return. I don't know if it's genuine or not, and to be honest I don't really care. Most people seem pretty happy when I'm nice to them, and that's good enough for me I guess.
Basically, I moved from a place where everyone else seemed to be greatly concerned with everything you did. It was as if no one could mind their own business. So for me, with that background, I find it pretty pleasant to live in a place where people are polite to me and don't really care what I do as long as I'm not hurting anyone. My brother once said, "To be left alone. I wonder what that's like?" That's a pretty good summary of the feeling of living in my hometown.
Wow, lamplight, you sure have convinced me not to move to Tennessee. Considering most TN cities have some of the highest murder rates in the USA, I'd probably not want to live in them anyway. But your post is like the final nail in the coffin. Too bad, because it is a real beautiful state. Also, being of the Eastern background, I am sure I would encounter racism by the "redneck element" in the Deep South. Another, reason I could never live there.
Yeah, you're right, I do have some people who say hello to me. In Oregon, I felt it was more common though than Washington. Maybe, the Fairhaven neighborhood is friendlier because it is older/mature people. I do live in a younger area, where everyone thinks they are real cool. I hate to go as far an say a lot of the hipster/college people are stuck-up and arrogant, but I have come to the conclusion that it is the truth. Perhaps, I am not use to living in a rowdy/young college area. It has been over 15 since I was in college or lived in those areas. Rowdy, is relative, of course. It just seems the downtown and Sehome area is rowdy and many of the people are bit stuck-up and unfriendly. Perhaps, that is the way it is with people in their teen and 20s; I don't really know. Or, maybe the younger generation is deteriorating.
Anyway, I found Seattle to be a real exciting place. Yesterday, I went shopping for traditional clothing (men's clothing) at an Eastern boutique store, had some great Indian food in Bellevue and then had traditional honey wine and excellent Ethiopian food late at night at an Ethiopian Bar in Seattle. The week before I was near Belltown and had one of the best Beef Kafta kabob sandwiches in my life along with homemade baklava at 2AM at this late-night Lebanese restaurant. I could only wish I could do such things at a whim here in Bellingham. But, small towns don't host such amenities, so I cannot single out Bellingham.
Maybe, it's not entirely Bellingham's fault. I just find, being of an Eastern background, that Bellingham is a bit more challenging than other places I have been. People are very set in their ways and don't like outsiders or people who are different, despite all the rainbow-colored diversity flags they wave around. Fairhaven seems like a different kind of area, maybe I should spend more time there; that is, if I stay much longer in this town. I may leave in a couple weeks. The only thing hold me back from going to Seattle is cost of rent.
Last edited by EastMeetsWest7; 08-10-2012 at 01:36 PM..
This is SO interesting. I am literally trying to find a rental for the sole purpose of moving to Bellingham because I've been in Texas for years and can't meet anyone. I am so glad I ran across this post. I too think, from what I can tell, that Bellingham is a beautiful place. Had NO idea it was a college town. I'm ok with not having a bunch of people in my life and a lot of friends; I much rather prefer to stay to myself BUT the purpose of the move was to meet a guy. I'll be 40 in December so I will probably have an even harder time. Well, fortunate I got a response about rentals in Vancouver (WA, no Canada). Maybe I should ask around before driving 35 miles away!
EastMeetsWest, if you're living near/around a lot of college kids then you have my sympathies. Until a few days ago my next door neighbors were two loud, giggly college girls. They were nice enough, but as far as I could tell they NEVER sleep. I'm also convinced they genuinely don't know how to listen to music at a reasonable volume. They'd wake up (or did they ever go to sleep?) and immediately blast their music. And the worst was when they'd have company! I know not all college kids are like that, but I still can't imagine living in an area surrounded by them.
I think Fairhaven really is almost like a separate town (and of course at one time it was). Sure it's mostly wealthy retirees, tourists, and well-to-do young families, and of course I don't fall into any of those categories, but I find it's very pleasant living in this part of town. And to be honest, if I had no choice but to live anywhere else in this town, I'd probably leave. It took me a few months of exploring to realize that. There are plenty of spots all over town that I enjoy visiting, but I wouldn't want to live there. Back in the winter I had the opportunity to rent a studio apartment downtown for about $200 less per month than I'm paying here. I considered it, but in the end I just value sleeping at night too much. As you said, downtown can be very, very noisy at night, almost every night of the week. Plus I like all the old people in Fairhaven.
It really sounds like you'd be happier in a larger city with more options available. Also, don't rule out all of Tennessee just based on what I said. The larger cities aren't quite like where I came from. You might like Nashville or Knoxville. The main reason I left was because I just hated the long, hot, humid summers. There were many other little things I was sick of, but they all paled in comparison to those miserable summers. If that doesn't bother you, and you have no issues with the surrounding towns and counties being very conservative, then you might like Nashville. As far as racism goes, despite what many well-meaning Southerners will tell you, it's still alive and well down there. I don't know your ethnicity, and if you're not white you may actually never hear a racist remark (ironically). But I'm white and worked blue-collar jobs for about seven years and heard plenty. At my last job especially, I hear the "N-word" literally at least a dozen times a day. They wouldn't say it in front of just anyone, of course. They don't have the nerve for that. But get them around other white people with whom they're very comfortable, and you'll hear things you probably assumed people stopped saying fifty years ago. And it's not just racism, they'll talk horribly about anyone who's not exactly like them, after being polite to those very people just minutes before. Like I said, many southerners will deny it, but I heard it and saw it with my own eyes day after day for years. Also keep in mind that this was a town just a little larger than Bellingham. When I worked in Nashville for a couple of years I never once heard anything like that.
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