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I would be offended if my SO asked for a test, but I can also understand it to a degree. It would certainly challenge our relationship because there are obvious trust issues on his side if he feels he needs proof. However, I would rather he be comfortable and not have doubts about his child.
I would understand, I would also have no desire to stay with him. Not trusting me is just too big to get past. I see no reason to stay with a man who doesn't trust me so once he's declared he thinks I'm lying and sleeping around on him, which he must or he wouldn't ask for the test, we're done.
I would make sure he has no doubts about his child. My children deserve that. I just think I deserve someone who loves and trusts me for my mate. Obviously, I don't have that in a relationship where he's asking for DNA testing wihtout cause.
I have consistently stated that paternity should be established at birth to the best of our abilities. No one has suggested it should be done during a divorce that I could see. At the very least if a man finds out he is raising another man's child, he should be able to sue the man for paternity just like a mother. The mother should have done this in the first place but we know why they don't. Also I expect some men will not want to have the relationship any longer. You can't force a world view on someone.
Hmmm.... that's an interesting concept, one man suing another man for paternity or perhaps child support. I wonder if that's even possible? I suppose it's not that far off from that case a few weeks back where a woman sued her husband's mistress for big bucks for breaking up her marriage.
Given that demanding a paternity test is a huge slap in the face, it's probably going to be done as part of a divorce. If he asks for it at birth then we divorce at birth. For me, there is no option to continue the relationship after he's called me a lying ho. There just isn't.
Actually, no, if a man is raising a child, he sets precident as the child's father just as I set precident by raising my daughters as their mother. I do not gain the right to sue their biological parents for support should it turn out there was a mix up at the hospital. I've already established that I am responsible for the children under my roof. That does not change if a DNA test proves they are not mine.
Far be it for everyone else to have to live by your rules. Mandatory paternity testing removes "slap in the face" as everyone had to go through it. If it's such a big deal to get a legally binding document that determines paternity then I guess we can get rid of birth certificates as well. It's the same warped logic women try to pull when guys want a prenup. I think most guys know how that one goes... "Oh, that's icky legal stuff, that's not necessary." My response would be "Okay, fine then, I guess that marriage certificate doesn't matter either since it's "icky legal stuff" and we'll just get married under the table and leave the state out of it." As if that would every fly.
It's limiting in the sense that women are the goal for many of them and their poor view of women will only bring poor women. It's a cycle and they'll keep going round and round (regardless of gender).
I see it as a catalyst for improvement.
Some people either lack the ability or desire to look at their own flaws.
And its quite possible some men and women who lurk, from someone I know that does it there are quite a few of them, who could be inspired to be better because they read something about them seen as negative.
Some people thrive on praise, other need to be slapped with denigration.
To me love and trust will always be a solace for suckers and sheep.
for those of you who choose that path more power to you.
This does not apply to all aspects of life just those specifically in my mind.
I will always choose verification as much as possible over a woman's word.
Because that is the rational thing to do. I live being covered.
And for every woman who is insulted by it, there is another who has similar positive qualities I am attracted to would have no problem with it.
Just like a woman who wants to wait for marriage , or put a hold on sex, there will be a woman just as great who is perfectly fine with us sharing physical amongst other pleasures early on without the games.
To add, I feel like the whole being able to tell if one's partner is cheating is a case by case basis.
Some can and some cannot. This does not automatically mean those who cannot are somehow lacking in their observation skills.
It also does not mean that they automatically are a bad chooser.
It can mean that their mate is good at obfuscation or that their trust is more important than a certain tone of vigilance.
Or that they made the best choice they could with given information.
Te generalize this any other way in my eyes is utter bull.
Unless I can achieve telepathy or a higher than 50% chance of someone's actions towards me, I am asking for that paternity test.
If she does no like it, she can leave or be shown out.
I have been thinking of this for some time and perhaps a paternity test can be applied in another fashion. Perhaps instead of forcing them upon newborns, we can change the laws and require a paternity test to grant child support.
I suppose that this would be fair to men but not particularly fair to women. They'd have to go back in time and try to determine who they were active with. Then they'd have to find him. Not always easy, years later.
What I want to see is a system not unlike the situation for single mothers. They determine who the father is and he pays support. Why should this be any different if the woman has signed up a financial patsy through marriage? I for one am getting fed up with decent men getting screwed by this lack of consideration for their future.
I cannot see who loses under this other than those directly responsible for the cheating. Those women who complain that their reputation is being sullied by even testing their child should get their head out of their a$$. There are so many others who are losing big time from the current situation that hurting their feelings doesn't even rate the mildest concern.
Far be it for everyone else to have to live by your rules. Mandatory paternity testing removes "slap in the face" as everyone had to go through it. If it's such a big deal to get a legally binding document that determines paternity then I guess we can get rid of birth certificates as well. It's the same warped logic women try to pull when guys want a prenup. I think most guys know how that one goes... "Oh, that's icky legal stuff, that's not necessary." My response would be "Okay, fine then, I guess that marriage certificate doesn't matter either since it's "icky legal stuff" and we'll just get married under the table and leave the state out of it." As if that would every fly.
You've hit the nail on the head.
Most of those men who are at most risk of being used in marriage (and particularly the subsequent divorce) worked very hard to get where they did. They sacrificed a lot and for the same reason that they have difficulty in finding a woman who will commit completely to them, usually had to work very hard to get ahead in a career.
Somehow women just blithely think that they should be thrilled to support someone else's child for the next 25 years, often while she lives with the child's father. Something is seriously wrong with this attitude.
This reminds me of a similar situation. Many single mothers have their children with the good looking, unreliable types. When he ducks out, they try to find a replacement and after a few years, realize that such men are only interested in the easy sex.
They then shift their focus to the type of man who they would never have given the time of day to a decade earlier. The often get really irritated that such men don't appreciate that their kids are of a superior genetic stock and they should be eager to support them. Obviously, these men are not the "nurturing" type who will make them a good husband.
The men in contrast would consider themselves to be suckers. I suppose that it is all a matter of your point of view.
Would you be put off if "your guy" asked for a DNA test of your baby?
Personally, I believe ALL babies should be given mandatory DNA tests for paternity. That way nothing can be hidden and she can't pull the "don't you trust me" card.
We have 10+% of births happen with the father never knowing the kid isn't his. WOW!
I mean babies are ran through a myriad of simple tests before they leave the hospital, you'd think knowing who the father was might rank up there a little higher
Just like getting a blood test before marriage. How many people get an incurable disease because they were in love and "trusted" the other person?
I say on the birth certificate beside the father's name it should read:
"Proven Father via DNA Testing"
or
"Father by Law Only. Full Responsibility Acknowledged & Accepted"
If you want to put the fathers name on the birth certificate, I think you should have to do that... else it will be put on it "unknown".
I would understand, I would also have no desire to stay with him. Not trusting me is just too big to get past. I see no reason to stay with a man who doesn't trust me so once he's declared he thinks I'm lying and sleeping around on him, which he must or he wouldn't ask for the test, we're done.
I would make sure he has no doubts about his child. My children deserve that. I just think I deserve someone who loves and trusts me for my mate. Obviously, I don't have that in a relationship where he's asking for DNA testing wihtout cause.
That's your problem, I wouldn't mind my girl checking anything about me, you know why? Because I have nothing to hide.
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