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I would say you have an effed up relationship. My dh stays out when he plays his gigs and I do call, but I'm worried his safety; if he drank too much, if the party was busted, whatever. I tell him all the time I'd rather him stay put, and be gone all night, than risk him driving. If your partner is checking up on you due to jealousy or thinking you might be fooling around, you should get marriage counseling pronto.
Actually i would not get counseling.
I would just leave because thats the logical thing to do if someone does not trust me.
According to some that is.
Depends on why she showed up where you work. She might not be wearing much under that trench coat
Someone who checks my phone isn't accusing me of 1) cheating on them and 2) lying about the paternity of my child. Maybe he just wants to know if I'm bragging about his bedroom prowress to my friends . As to calling looking for you, there are a million innocent reasons she might. There is no mistaking that a man asking for a DNA test thinks the woman he's with is a lying, cheating, ho. If he didn't, he wouldn't need to ask.
Now, if you find she's hired a PI who has been videotaping your hotel room while you're on business trips, I'd suggest you have a problem, except, maybe she's just a voyeur and likes to watch you get undressed.
There's just nothing like saying "I believe you slept around on me and are lying about this child being mine" that says "I love you" NOT!!!!!
Well to me if she does those things I feel like she does not trust me.
It insults me just like a paternity test would insult someone else.
And so my logical response would be to leave.
Its all a matter of view.
If I were fertile
Actually i'd let her know early in dating that any offspring born are subject to a paternity test , whether we are married or not.
That way if she is insulted by my need for verification before shelling out 18+ years of money and a lifetime of time and effort, she can get to stepping then.
Because I know there are women who would have no problem with that.
So, if she asked you to take a lie detector test to prove you hadn't slept around, it wouldn't offend you a bit?
I get the impression that, that type of checking up (lack of trust) is condisidered a normal part of relationships for him, when in reality it's indicative of an unhealthy relationship. If that kind of boloney is happening, something is going very wrong.
Actually I never had those issues.
I was using them to demonstrate other ways how someone would feel a lack of trust.
Since the issue of a paternity test seemed such a boon to some.
Actually i would not get counseling.
I would just leave because thats the logical thing to do if someone does not trust me.
According to some that is.
Depends on what they are not trusting you about. If you can't trust me when I tell you I haven't been sleeping around, we're way past anything a counselor can do. If your response to my telling you I have not been sleeping with anyone else is to call me a liar and demand proof, we're so far past fixable you might as well skip the counseling and put your money on a good lawyer.
You still haven't told me why I'd want a man who calls me a liar and a cheating ho? So, why would I want one?
They don't have to be weekend fathers. I'm not talking about their relationship with their children, I'm talking about their relationship with their children's mother. They're free to make any custody arrangements they care to.
When dh and I separated, the default was two nights a week and every other weekend and I had made the accusation he was an alcoholic. It is not difficult for fathers to see their children. They just have to put in the effort.
OMFG!!!! Every check it out, Ivorytickler is actually BLAMING MEN FOR THEIR WIVE'S CHEATING! It's THEIR fault for choosing the wrong person to have kids with? Are you seriously that daft?! Hey ladies, when your husbands/boyfriends cheat, it's your fault for thinking they won't or for not having reason to suspect them. Ivorytickler said so!
Thats why I am glad I dodged that bullet and got sterilized man.
By now i probably have no potency at all.
and since I have always pretty much used condoms religiously, I was not to scared to begin with.
Just that I know of men who got fooled in a lot of ways and I was determined not to be one.
Not that I think all women will cheat, just minimizing my risk.
I see it as insurance.
I do not want to get sick, but if I do I am covered.
Do not want my car to get stolen but if it does I am covered.
Same for my home and my property.
Even life insurance so the fam does not have to pay to bury me.
I have always wondered, we insure things in our life in case of an emergency, but in one tries to insure against damage in a relationship, people think its so bad.
And relationships have the potential to damage someone for life on more than one level.
Depends on what they are not trusting you about. If you can't trust me when I tell you I haven't been sleeping around, we're way past anything a counselor can do. If your response to my telling you I have not been sleeping with anyone else is to call me a liar and demand proof, we're so far past fixable you might as well skip the counseling and put your money on a good lawyer.
You still haven't told me why I'd want a man who calls me a liar and a cheating ho? So, why would I want one?
I covered that pages ago.
But to rehash, if you feel that him asking for a paternity test is equitable to him accusing you of being a 'liar and a cheating ho' then you are right to leave.
I do not see where I ever said you should stay with a man you feel that way about.
Mainly I just stated that from my perspective a man asking about a paternity test is not too far.
If I were female and my husband asked me for one I would have no issue with it.
But then again I operate more on reason and logic than hope and trust.
Have you ever heard the cliche 'methinks you doth protest to much'?
Since i almost got trapped in the child support situation for a child that was not mad, I have a vested interest in this topic.
But you seem to be quite outspoken about fidelity to be the type of woman who does not cheat.
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Hey ladies, when your husbands/boyfriends cheat, it's your fault for thinking they won't or for not having reason to suspect them. Ivorytickler said so!