depressed, I don't think I can handle a relationship-but is it me or is it him? (dating, girlfriends)
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I have been dating this guy for about 6 weeks now, sleeping with him 4 , and yes, Ive heard all the "you slept with him too soons", which may be part of the problem, but , it's too late now. We do have sex problems which Ill get into later. I have also heard all the "you need to dump him" (becasue of the female friends or the sex problems mentioned in other posts, due to the short time we've been together.)
I feel so unappreciated by him, so unspecial. Like I miss him and think about him and want to be with him so much more than he wants to be with me. I only think it may be his fault (though Im thinking it's me, how can he be responsible for my feelings?) becasue the sex problem we have is he doesn't orgasm with me. (Please don't respond with anything x rated becasue I don't want my post pulled., thank-you) I am insecure and this is making it worse. It's also a difficult subject to bring up with him. (Though I do have a plan for this becasue it is disturbing to me.) The other reason it might be him is he has not ever had a relationship longer than 15 months (only because he had a baby with the girl, but he tells me he was crazy about her, which I think he is still hung up on her.) He says these women dump him mostly because they say he's boring ,also right after we slept together the first time, I freaked out the next day and said "I like you more than U like me " and he may have thought I was breaking up with him becasue he said "this always happens" (So Im guessing Im not the first woman who felt this way.)
So many things here. I called him up, told him how I felt, that basically I don't want to make him spend time with me , but I also like to know if we have plans. I told him I was hesitant to bring it up becasue last time I did, he said he doesn't think that far ahead (we're talking 6 hours, maybe! Yes, he has asked to see me more than 6 hours in advance before., in fact 2 days before he made that lovely statement.) He said, he likes spending time with me and that we can do something tonight. I am not excited about this, I am depressed, don't want to straighten up the house, don't want to put sexy clothes on , don't even really want to see him becasue I still feel like Im liking him way more than he likes me and it depresses me. I don't want him to see me cry if he comes here and I am kind of crying now. Why can't I handle this? What do I do?
I have been dating this guy for about 6 weeks now, sleeping with him 4 , and yes, Ive heard all the "you slept with him too soons", which may be part of the problem, but , it's too late now. We do have sex problems which Ill get into later. I have also heard all the "you need to dump him" (becasue of the female friends or the sex problems mentioned in other posts, due to the short time we've been together.)
I feel so unappreciated by him, so unspecial. Like I miss him and think about him and want to be with him so much more than he wants to be with me. I only think it may be his fault (though Im thinking it's me, how can he be responsible for my feelings?) becasue the sex problem we have is he doesn't orgasm with me. (Please don't respond with anything x rated becasue I don't want my post pulled., thank-you) I am insecure and this is making it worse. It's also a difficult subject to bring up with him. (Though I do have a plan for this becasue it is disturbing to me.) The other reason it might be him is he has not ever had a relationship longer than 15 months (only because he had a baby with the girl, but he tells me he was crazy about her, which I think he is still hung up on her.) He says these women dump him mostly because they say he's boring ,also right after we slept together the first time, I freaked out the next day and said "I like you more than U like me " and he may have thought I was breaking up with him becasue he said "this always happens" (So Im guessing Im not the first woman who felt this way.)
So many things here. I called him up, told him how I felt, that basically I don't want to make him spend time with me , but I also like to know if we have plans. I told him I was hesitant to bring it up becasue last time I did, he said he doesn't think that far ahead (we're talking 6 hours, maybe! Yes, he has asked to see me more than 6 hours in advance before., in fact 2 days before he made that lovely statement.) He said, he likes spending time with me and that we can do something tonight. I am not excited about this, I am depressed, don't want to straighten up the house, don't want to put sexy clothes on , don't even really want to see him becasue I still feel like Im liking him way more than he likes me and it depresses me. I don't want him to see me cry if he comes here and I am kind of crying now. Why can't I handle this? What do I do?
What you do you mean, ya'll don't c**e in sync?
Seems like you are catching feelings and are afraid to admit it.
I have been dating this guy for about 6 weeks now, sleeping with him 4 , and yes, Ive heard all the "you slept with him too soons", which may be part of the problem, but , it's too late now. We do have sex problems which Ill get into later. I have also heard all the "you need to dump him" (becasue of the female friends or the sex problems mentioned in other posts, due to the short time we've been together.)
I feel so unappreciated by him, so unspecial. Like I miss him and think about him and want to be with him so much more than he wants to be with me. I only think it may be his fault (though Im thinking it's me, how can he be responsible for my feelings?) becasue the sex problem we have is he doesn't orgasm with me. (Please don't respond with anything x rated becasue I don't want my post pulled., thank-you) I am insecure and this is making it worse. It's also a difficult subject to bring up with him. (Though I do have a plan for this becasue it is disturbing to me.) The other reason it might be him is he has not ever had a relationship longer than 15 months (only because he had a baby with the girl, but he tells me he was crazy about her, which I think he is still hung up on her.) He says these women dump him mostly because they say he's boring ,also right after we slept together the first time, I freaked out the next day and said "I like you more than U like me " and he may have thought I was breaking up with him becasue he said "this always happens" (So Im guessing Im not the first woman who felt this way.)
So many things here. I called him up, told him how I felt, that basically I don't want to make him spend time with me , but I also like to know if we have plans. I told him I was hesitant to bring it up becasue last time I did, he said he doesn't think that far ahead (we're talking 6 hours, maybe! Yes, he has asked to see me more than 6 hours in advance before., in fact 2 days before he made that lovely statement.) He said, he likes spending time with me and that we can do something tonight. I am not excited about this, I am depressed, don't want to straighten up the house, don't want to put sexy clothes on , don't even really want to see him becasue I still feel like Im liking him way more than he likes me and it depresses me. I don't want him to see me cry if he comes here and I am kind of crying now. Why can't I handle this? What do I do?
Leave him alone. When he comes over tonight, tell him that you don't want to see him anymore. You already answered your own question in the title of this thread "I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE A RELATIONSHIP". Plus, it just sounds like you guys aren't compatible AT ALL. Life's too short, hon. Hope you feel better.
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
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In my opinion you need a set down talk and iron out your feelings and share yourself....giant leap but that may be the only way for you to get closure or bridge this gap/void you have..
So, the gist of this story is, you feel since he hasn't orgasmed he doesn't like you as much as you like him?
Relationships aren't easy, but if you feel it's a chore at the start, ya, probably shouldn't be with him then. Although, it's about as meaningful as him assigning your like of him to getting off each time IMO.
My opinion, if you think you want to work through it, or can, fine, otherwise cry, call him, break contact/relationship and move on.
Yeah it sounds like you like the guy, but don't want to.
How is unappreciative of you? What does he do to demonstrate this?
He treats me like he treats all his other female friends. He has certain times he calls me, certain times he calls them , or they call him. He has contact with a couple of the ex girlfriends (at least) and shows me how they communicate on facebook. He will say things like he got carried away playing video games (we are in our 30s) so now it's too late to come over. Before today, last time I asked if we were doing anything at night, he said he doesn't think that far enough in advance and did blow me off to play video games. We are together a lot and I understand he needs his space but I don't know what I expect exactally. It's like the honeymoon is over and it hasn't even been 2 months. I do like him a lot , which is why it would be illogical to break up with him, but this is hard for me , too. I don't like waiting around for the texts and calls and waiting to see if we will be doing something or not and whos house if will be at / near.
Last edited by maddog1; 06-10-2009 at 02:58 PM..
Reason: spelling error
I have been dating this guy for about 6 weeks now, sleeping with him 4 , and yes, Ive heard all the "you slept with him too soons", which may be part of the problem, but , it's too late now. We do have sex problems which Ill get into later. I have also heard all the "you need to dump him" (becasue of the female friends or the sex problems mentioned in other posts, due to the short time we've been together.)
I feel so unappreciated by him, so unspecial. Like I miss him and think about him and want to be with him so much more than he wants to be with me. I only think it may be his fault (though Im thinking it's me, how can he be responsible for my feelings?) becasue the sex problem we have is he doesn't orgasm with me. (Please don't respond with anything x rated becasue I don't want my post pulled., thank-you) I am insecure and this is making it worse. It's also a difficult subject to bring up with him. (Though I do have a plan for this becasue it is disturbing to me.) The other reason it might be him is he has not ever had a relationship longer than 15 months (only because he had a baby with the girl, but he tells me he was crazy about her, which I think he is still hung up on her.) He says these women dump him mostly because they say he's boring ,also right after we slept together the first time, I freaked out the next day and said "I like you more than U like me " and he may have thought I was breaking up with him becasue he said "this always happens" (So Im guessing Im not the first woman who felt this way.)
So many things here. I called him up, told him how I felt, that basically I don't want to make him spend time with me , but I also like to know if we have plans. I told him I was hesitant to bring it up becasue last time I did, he said he doesn't think that far ahead (we're talking 6 hours, maybe! Yes, he has asked to see me more than 6 hours in advance before., in fact 2 days before he made that lovely statement.) He said, he likes spending time with me and that we can do something tonight. I am not excited about this, I am depressed, don't want to straighten up the house, don't want to put sexy clothes on , don't even really want to see him becasue I still feel like Im liking him way more than he likes me and it depresses me. I don't want him to see me cry if he comes here and I am kind of crying now. Why can't I handle this? What do I do?
You guys have only been dating 6 weeks, why are you getting so worked up about this? Honestly, if he was my friend, and he was dating you, I would tell him to get out as soon as possible. You sound VERY clingy and someone who obsesses over minutiae. Quit over-analyzing every little thing and go with the flow.
Him not reaching climax is an issue, but the more pressing issue from your post seems to be your insecurity.
It is my opinion from what I have read, that you should try spending some time alone. Work on yourself. Deal with your insecurities and learn how to be independent. Your relationships will be better for it.
In my opinion you need a set down talk and iron out your feelings and share yourself....giant leap but that may be the only way for you to get closure or bridge this gap/void you have..
we have had a talk a couple times over the phone, and that one time in person after we first slept together. It's usually very brief because while I do want to expres myself, I don't want him to be uncomfortable. It doesn't seem the talks help , maybe they just don't help or maybe I end the discussion too quickly out of fear of him being turned off by my neediness.
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