Shouldn`t it be 50/50 in a marriage? (girls, loving, family)
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I am not sure why there is surprise here. Studies repeatedly show that even when both people work, the woman usually still picks up most of the household chores and deals with the childcare. This bears out in almost every relationship I see, as well.
I think everyone should bring something to the table in a relationship of approximately equal value. Something to look for before you marry.
Research also support that this is because women insist on being in charge of the kids and often the home. From what I read, we have a tendency to tell men how we want things done. To criticise what they do when they do it. Which leaves them not wanting to do much of it.
I agree that each person should bring something to the table in the relationship. I think he does the wage earning she does the housework is a pretty even split. Being in a profession where I'm off work for long stretches, I can tell you that doing all the housework does not compare to doing half of it on top of a full time job and I don't even do half during the school year. Because I bring work home with me, my husband does more than half. During the summer, I drop my first shift and he drops his second. I take over the housework and yard work.
And it's not the way human relationships usually work. Relationships should be based on what each party needs at a point in time and each persons abilities not balancing chores. No one would think of saying that if one spouse out earns the other, the lower earning spouse needs to get a second job but just let the chores be uneven, then she (it's usually a she) starts to complain about being taken advantage of. Things should be divided up logically according to what each party needs and their abilities. What is a chore to one may be an enjoyable passtime the other finds relaxing.
For example, I rarely cook. I stress out a lot over my job and bring home work. Is it "fair" that my husband gets most of the cooking? Probably not but he enjoys it and I'm too stressed out to bother with it. If it were left up to me, it would be Hamburger helper for dinner. He happens to like cooking. He also manages to use every pot and bowl in the house but guess who gets the dishes? Is it a "fair" arrangement? No. But he enjoys cooking more than I do and I really don't mind the mindless task of loading the dishwasher and cleaning the sink, which takes all of 15 minutes but it works for us.
Maybe there are just some men who are not interested in housework? Just a thought.
That's also valid. One spouse cannot expect the other to care about something like housework just because they do. If she likes things cleaner than him, is he obligated to clean to her standard, or vice versa?
I have a friend, who was complaining to me yesterday, that she does most of the housework, alot of the yard work, takes care of their child, and works fulltime. Her husband does not work right now, and does not do much around the house, to help out.
I explained to her that maybe she needs to talk to him about helping out more often, but she just blew me off, as to say..."nah...he won`t."
Common sense tells me, that if you do not have a job, you would be willing to put forth the effort in helping out with everyday tasks, and chores, while the SO is out making the income to pay the bills.
Some people just don`t get it. OR...maybe they do, and they know that they can get by with it.
Each person should give 100 percent to a marriage/relationship, not half.
How is it fair? If she had to work she'd come home to housework and childcare too. She has less work than she'd have as a working mom even doing it all at home. He should have less work too. So it is fair. She has 45 more hours a week at home because he makes it possible for her not to work. Given she'd do half of what she does now if she worked full time, she's working a lot less than she would be if he didn't provide for her and he's handing her 45 extra hours a week to do it in. Shouldn't he get a break too?
I've never understood why women think it's fair for them to quit providing for their families financially, leaving that entire burden to their husbands and then whine when he thinks she should do his half of the housework. If he's doing your half of the wage earning, of course you should do his half of the housework. She gets to give up a full time job, shouldn't he get to give up his second shift at home? All she is picking up is the half of the housework he'd do if she worked. She'd do her half on top of a full time job if she did work.
I never thought of it that way but you make a lot of sense.
Maybe there are just some men who are not interested in housework? Just a thought.
I don't know if anyone is really interested in housework. I think that girls and boys tend to be raised differently, and the housework is more pushed on the girls. Even today.
Ivory, I had that exact thought you did - if I bring x much more money home or whatever, why should I have to split the housework equally? But let me tell you, that will not fly - you should have heard the screaming and shouting from my friends when I brought up that (just as an idea).
And...what do you do if someone works more hours outside the home than you but makes less money than you do? How do you divvie it up that way? I work 100 hours less a month than my wife (thereabouts) and I make 6 times as much money...so should I insist she do more housework b/c I make most of the money?
I say whoever's available...just do the work. And whoever's slacking gets a talking to.
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Is it a "fair" arrangement? No. But he enjoys cooking more than I do and I really don't mind the mindless task of loading the dishwasher and cleaning the sink, which takes all of 15 minutes but it works for us.
I never thought of it that way but you make a lot of sense.
