Nasty break off with girl 8 months ago, kinda wanna patch things up? (dating, boyfriend)
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It's not that I haven't for the most part gotten over her, it's just that terms between us ended so abruptly and menacingly I kinda just wanna pave things over and bring an end to something thats been stuck in the back in the back of my mind for a while now.
Here's a little background (bear with me here), I was going to school at boarding school, this particular year was my senior year and about half way through the 2nd semester this sophmore girl starts talking to me. She didn't phase me too much at first honestly, but after a while I would notice her looking at me and waving at me from distances, and even though she talked comfortably with alot of guys, I can honestly say she gave a certain amount of attention that went beyond friendship. Well this caught on, and I played back. She eventually started coming to my dorm almost everyday and became friends with all my friends. We would hang alot and laugh and talk, hold hands and whatever, alota good times.
She started to play a little hard to get though all of the sudden, and so I played back. The games kinda annoyed both of us, but I asked her out to prom, and she enthusiastically accepted with a big smile and that night was great. The hard to play games continued a little still, but things were alright until one night when she came over to my dorm and my friends started making jokes about us having sex on prom night. She then left that night and wrote me an email about how were only going as friends and that she'll still go but only as friends blah blah blah. Well I started to grow cold on her after that, not looking at her (even tho I felt her eyeing me hard), ignoring her a little bit and keeping conversations short n kinda snappy. In return she would bring guys over to my dorm (any lame type of guy) to hang out with and be all over them to make me jealous. One on one though I noticed she turned really overly friendly and nice. I eventually turned nice back and then she tells me on AIM one night she can't go to prom because she has to leave for back home early in the school year. I was pissed but understood, but this again brought on more bitterness, and she returned it sometimes, and she was always either really flirty with me or really cold to me.
Long story short though, I eventually put it all out there and told her I loved her and I want to keep in touch after I graduate and that I was not in it for only sex like my friends made her believe. She thanked me alot and was touched by my sincerity and honesty. Well we spent basically the whole prom day together but come prom night I go to her dorm to see her off and turns out she not leaving till the next day. And on my way back to my dorm to get ready for the prom after party (by myself, all the girls were taken by the time she said she couldnt go) I see her hanging out with another guy who she was always cold to and acted like she hated. I was pissed so I went back to my dorm and wrote her a long email calling a b**** and a wh*** and she writes back saying f you and I came on too strong (which is BS cause I would always purposely ignore her), so I wrote back another nasty email telling her how cold it was she left me hangin on my last prom night, etc. She writes back lol cool peace, and that was it. She went home, I graduated high school and am college now. No goodbyes or nothin.
She blocked on aim a couple months later when i signed on, not wanting to talk to her of course, and that was our last interaction ever. However, she never blocked me on facebook. Well about 8 months later since prom night, I have for the most part move on, and I still hate her for the most part but apart of me kinda wants to patch things up and maybe kinda work things out as friends and figure out why she pulled that cold and bogus move on me out of nowhere on such an important night. The thought's always lingered since that night. Should I do this? Is it the right way to go about this? If yes, what should I say or do? Thanks for bearing with me and any help or advice is greatly appreciated.
It sounds like she liked you a lot emotionally, but wasn't ready to be your girlfriend in the physical/sexual sense. That's why she was not ready to go to the prom with you since she thought that afterwards, she would have to have sex with you or at least do more than just a goodnight kiss. She probably has never had a real boyfriend before. I think that the only way to be her boyfriend, is to be upfront about what you expect from her as your girlfriend. And also for you to agree to go slow with the physical stuff and let her set the pace.
It sounds like she liked you a lot emotionally, but wasn't ready to be your girlfriend in the physical/sexual sense. That's why she was not ready to go to the prom with you since she thought that afterwards, she would have to have sex with you or at least do more than just a goodnight kiss. She probably has never had a real boyfriend before. I think that the only way to be her boyfriend, is to be upfront about what you expect from her as your girlfriend. And also for you to agree to go slow with the physical stuff and let her set the pace.
Thanks, *repped. I see what ur sayin, I actually forgot to mention that when I told her I loved her that it wasn't about sex (just edited it now) and apologized for my friends. And even then, she told she's had sex twice, so she's no virgin. But I'm no longer looking to pursue a relationship, because I am at college and moved on and she is still at high school. I'm just looking to kinda move past the nasty break off and repair things on a friendship level and figure out why she pulled that bogus move from her own mouth. You're explanation makes sense though, I've thought about that before. Thanks again.
Even if she's had sex twice, I doubt she really enjoyed it. And at this point in your lives, she's really too young to be your girlfriend imo. I also think that it's too soon to be friends and talk about the breakup. Give it a few years, and one day you both may laugh about the breakup over a cup of coffee. If you push her to talk it out now, she'll only act defensive and be rude to you. No one likes to admit they were in the wrong or not ready, not mature enough or outside their comfort zone about a situation. There probably was no logic in what she did. She was behaving purely on an emotional and instinctual level. As in, when she felt comfortable around you, she was friendly. And when she felt uncomfortable, she was distant or mean to you.
Just move on, don't dwell on the past. Stick to dating and being friends with girls your own age for now.
Let's keep it real: you couldn't care less about being friends with her. You just want closure. Your way. It's been over for eight months. You say you've moved on, you need to really move on. Unfortunately, we don't always get the closure we want. Take this as a lesson learned: if you want to have a positive break-up, you have to be a man and instead of calling her outside of her name, talk to her.
Most of us were all young once and suffered greatly just in this same way. You can either move on and leave it alone (which is the hardest, in my opinion, but the best way) or do what CES said: Talk to her, but I don't think she is mature enough to rise up to what you say to her. She seems to be very immature i.e. game playing. It would be hard to take her seriously; you don't know what she'll do from minute to minute. You'll meet other women in the very near future and I'd venture that in 5-6 years, if not before, you'll find someone you're even more serious about.
Most of us were all young once and suffered greatly just in this same way. You can either move on and leave it alone (which is the hardest, in my opinion, but the best way) or do what CES said: Talk to her, but I don't think she is mature enough to rise up to what you say to her. She seems to be very immature i.e. game playing. It would be hard to take her seriously; you don't know what she'll do from minute to minute. You'll meet other women in the very near future and I'd venture that in 5-6 years, if not before, you'll find someone you're even more serious about.
If you are going to quote me please get it right. I told him to leave her alone and learn is lesson and NEXT TIME be a man and talk to her.
This girl maybe immature but he is as well. It is not mature to write nasty emails calling her outside of her name. If he "hate[s] her for the most part", he is being childish demanding his own way.
Don't worry; I won't be quoting you because you don't know what you say. You said nothing about "next time." Is it your habit not to know what you said?
Your in college now, go out have fun, party, raise hell and forget about her. SHe is young, still in high school, and there is too much out here in the world to experience without the extra drama. Let her speak to you on facebook, keep it simple and keep it moving. I would also make sure that I posted up pics of myself having fun, so she can understand that you have moved passed her and the petty kids games.
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