Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Fast and pray about it. God works through His Word. Listen to noone but Him. He reveals truth in silence ofen. I stayed for 25 years; we're both professing believers. No more for me! God hates divorce and so do I but I believe He told me that he has more concern for the life in a marriage than the marriage in someone's life! Do His will but be clear about what that is and this thing only seems to come out with prayer and fasting!
i know exactly what you are going through.. i have been with my husband for nine years.. and i am finally getting to a breaking point.. i am a christian as well and stand strong to the wedding vowels. i have been put down for so long now i have no self esteem.. i also have an auto immune dieses which has changed my life a little as well. i suffer alot of pain from it i am still in 20's. i am unable to work not do to my dieses but because of my husbands situation with his income i have always worked a full time job and even went to college but for the past two years i have not been able to work. i have gained a little weight cuase i am unable to do the things i use to do. i cant exersice or walk to much or stretch or bend a whole lot. if i do i really pay for it with the pain i suffer. i am now venting cause of the argument we just had.. he makes me feel so low.. but as for the verbal abuse i have been called ( fat cow, loose some wieght chuncky, wont u go on some place and loose some wieght and grow up, your so fat, u need to loose weight) so forth and so on.. he even puts down my family and it hurts me so bad.. i just want to pack up and leave.. i have been told i am worthless, nothing but a piece of dirt, i will never be nobody, i will never make it on my own, he says im lousy.. i do take care of my house work and i cook and clean every day.. even though it hurts to do some of the stuff i do but i just suffer it just to make him happy.. im scared to leave him cause i have no money or no place to go he pays for everything buys everything and my medical insurance and if i left him i would not have any until i was able to find a good job to be able to pay for it. he bought my car and if i leave i will not have a car to get around. i do think he loves me i just dont know why or understand why he has to go to that route of making me feel like that.. he dont know that it hurts me like that i dont allow him to see me cry cause im affraid he will just make fun of that.. and just tonight we got into an argument and he spit on me and called me all kinds of names.. i am so emotionally tore up.. i have had to be put on depression meds because of this. he has embarressed me so many times in front of family by calling me names. he is my husband and for some reason he is the one i feel in love with and married. so yes i have put up with it this long. but i am finally breaking down to where i feel like nothing. i have hoped for along time he would change.. i am unable to have kids but he has kids by his ex wife and i love them very much and if i leave him i feel like i will be leaving them as well and will no longer be apart of their lives.. i would not want to leave and have to stay with a family members cause i wouldnt want to put them through this cause he would make a fit at their homes.. i have no friends i could go to.. he has not aloud me to make any friends and i really just havnt had the time.. i just wrote here looking for a little support. i would be to embarressed to talk to anybody about this.. hes not like this all the time just when i dont agree with he wants or what he wants to do.. i just feel like i am stuck in a whole and can not get out.. i do truly love him but my heart is getting hard toward him and toward others and as a christian u r suppose to have a pure heart..
This was like reading my life story. I was in that relationship for 34 years. I went to counseling - all said he had an alcoholic personality - even tho he didn't drink. I was advised to leave him. However - I felt like you that I had taken a vow for better or worse. He passed away 5 years ago after a 2 year fight with cancer. I had decided to leave after our youngest had left home. He was diagnosed a month before she left. She is now married to a man just like her father. My heart breaks when she tells me what she's going through. Because I didn't have the strength and confidence to leave him, both my daughters think that this is how you are supposed to be treated by your husband. No physical abuse, just verbal. It undermines your confidence, makes you feel unworthy of love, makes you doubt yourself - if I just did XXX then he'd treat me better. Nope - not going to happen. It is not only affecting you - it is affecting your children and their future choices in partners. If you don't do it for yourself - do it for your kids. They - and you - deserve better.
I was married to an abuser for 28 years. I finally got out but the costs were so high, I wish I'd left much sooner. I stayed because I truly did love him and I thought that it was best for my sons. I was wrong. It wasn't good for them - and they are paying the price now also. The emotional abuse took me years to work through.
If you need help to end this abuse, find a women's shelter and get the counselling you need. I wish you the best.
Try counseling. I understand your religious based committment to your marriage. Keep in mind that not only are you a victim of abuse but your childrent are growing up in an unhappy situation and this will effect the adults they turn into as well. His illness does not give him an excuse to lash out at you. I pray that you don't go into 2010 living this same nightmare of a life.
Slapping you here and there is not okay! Verbal abuse tears away at your self esteem!
I think in situations like this people test you. They are determining what you will and won't tolerate. I just wish you had been proactive the first time he hit you or was verbally abusive to you but none the less counseling would be a good start to try and save your marriage. Family counseling because the children are being effected in the household.
Help! I have been married 15 years. In that time my husband has physically abused me - just a slap here and there nothing too serious. Worse is the verbal abuse - F...off, P...off, called me names, putting me down, very critical. I have worked full time nights as a nurse. Now I am ill with an auto immune disease. I think all the financial stressess, childcare and hubby problems have all hit me. I am burnt out I think. My husband is still playing his games. Most of the time OK, some of the time miseraqble, some of the time nasty. I feel as though I am on some sick roller coaster. Up down, all around. He says he loves me and would die if anything happened to me. I am a christian so I feel a moral obligaiton to make my marriage work. He is ok with the children. I do most of everything in the house. He praises me for it and says how hard I work. He is ok then all of a sudden when my barriers are down - POUNCE - he goes for me, not physically, verbally. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. He is diabetic, so I know his blood sugar could be influencing his moods. But what should I do. I have built my own life - I have my own friends, I go to church by myself with the kids, I try to find happiness in things with a positive attitude. I keep forgiving, keep trying, but my hubby is so difficult. I keep hoping things will change. I can't even go in the car with my hubby and my 2 kids - within 5 minutes he's moaning about things, shouting at the kids, stressing me out I could say more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Anybody wise out there?
He's lucky he has no son as I. First thing I fetch will be a sickle or a hammer
Did I read what I thought I wrote? Did she just try to minimize the abuse she's going through by saying "a slap here and there" as if it's nothing???
With that said, you should have LEFT your husband a long time ago. It's no longer about advice now. It's about what you can do. Nobody but yourself can get you out the situation you're in. People can give you all the advice in the world but at the end of the day, that's your problem. I never understood why women going through domestic abuse always think somebody's going to save them. You have to save yourself. To stand around and complain about how he's treating you, to wait around for him to calm down and for "things to get better" so you can go about your life is NOT going to change your situation. Even if he decides to start being nice, chances are he's going to do the same thing. So it's all up to you. If you want to be abused and want to stay in the situation, then do nothing.
Help! I have been married 15 years. In that time my husband has physically abused me - just a slap here and there nothing too serious. Worse is the verbal abuse - F...off, P...off, called me names, putting me down, very critical. I have worked full time nights as a nurse. Now I am ill with an auto immune disease. I think all the financial stressess, childcare and hubby problems have all hit me. I am burnt out I think. My husband is still playing his games. Most of the time OK, some of the time miseraqble, some of the time nasty. I feel as though I am on some sick roller coaster. Up down, all around. He says he loves me and would die if anything happened to me. I am a christian so I feel a moral obligaiton to make my marriage work. He is ok with the children. I do most of everything in the house. He praises me for it and says how hard I work. He is ok then all of a sudden when my barriers are down - POUNCE - he goes for me, not physically, verbally. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. He is diabetic, so I know his blood sugar could be influencing his moods. But what should I do. I have built my own life - I have my own friends, I go to church by myself with the kids, I try to find happiness in things with a positive attitude. I keep forgiving, keep trying, but my hubby is so difficult. I keep hoping things will change. I can't even go in the car with my hubby and my 2 kids - within 5 minutes he's moaning about things, shouting at the kids, stressing me out I could say more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Anybody wise out there?
I have lived this with both physical and mental abuse. It tore me down to the point I could not literally function. My family was torn down, anything said good, was turned to evil. I could go into great detail, however it is past and gone. I left, got a restraining order, stayed away from every place that I thought he might be or that brought back memories. I am well now and much much stronger. Thank you Jesus! I do not hide anymore. There are at times nightmares and flashbacks, but few and far between. I would tell anyone, male or female, get away as far as you can, until you are mentally stable and the dependency wears off, it takes time. These people never change, they are driven by a storm that never ends. They love making you feel worthless because it makes them feel powerful. It doesn't matter if you say something or are silent. The abuse is escalated by there own mind and heart. I had three children the first time I left. To this day they will tell anyone this was the best decision I ever made, and it has been. The 2nd time, I waited 20 years to find the right person and he was worse than the first and he called himself, "Christian".
I have since asked my children to forgive me, even for the things I didn't know about when they were abused. I wanted them to know a parent is supposed to protect their children, not the opposite.
Your first obligation is to God. God does not want us or the children to live in abuse by a spouse. It took me a long time of prayer and scripture reading to know this is not the plan God has for us.
Protect the wellspring of your soul, your heart. And protect the ones who cannot protect themselves, the children. When you say "no more", you are making a stand for Jesus. At first it may become worse or end, or better as time goes on. But with Jesus, no matter which way, it will be the best way.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
