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I so agree with both your posts-I'm the same exact way as you, guaranteed no sex for the first 6 dates, I need to develop a bond, I am one who does attach emotions to sex(like a lot of women) and the last thing I would want is to have sex with the wrong man, and get hurt in the process because I had sex with him too early to know his intentions. Therefore not only do I wait it out because I am not comfortable having sex early on, and need several interactions and dates to get to know them and their intentions prior to sex, but I also wait to protect myself(my heart, my body). And I have no concern about "losing" out on men because they had different beliefs about sex and did not want to wait. They think I'm playing games because I won't give it up fast enough, then so be it. We all get in where we fit in. While many of the guys that did walk away called me a prude and whatnot(not just because I do make guys wait but I also have a low partner count for my age which always surprises them and not in a positive way unfortunately) later on they admitted that while they could not wait and would not, that they oddly respected me for it, despite admittingly preferring girls that do have sex earlier. It is what it is-the only thing that gets on my nerves is that there are women that would actually like to have sex early, and are very comfortable with it, that choose not to because they read rule books or studies like the op posted, and because they are not following their own minds and playing games and/or following rules it's assumed that any woman that waits is doing the same. Another thing that irks me is the idea that if I liked them enough I would sleep with them soon. It takes me several interactions with a person to develop feelings, and no in general I have never felt like i knew a guy enough to sleep with him after spending 3 dates with him...
There is a whole lot of negative connotations about sex in black culture. While many in black (and, not so surprisingly evangelical) culture engage in fornication, there is a lot of shame, guilt and unpacked baggage as it relates to *women* and sex. The idea that chastity makes for a quality woman, which if you (general) espouse this view then waiting seems like the best choice for you. Some choose to "wait" as an attempt to counter the culture of promiscuity. That being promiscuous attracts the wrong types, so by waiting maybe the "right" type will come around. If this is your M.O., good for you, but it isn't and shouldn't be universal, and it definitely isn't a marker for the quality of someone's character or "morals." If someone wishes to go down that route, the route of wholesome values, then do what Paul lays out in "his" epistles. Abstain until you (general) meet Prince Charming or Betty Sue circa 1950.
I couldn't care less what other folks do in this situation. But I sure as **** don't subscribe to puritanical, misogynistic claptrap packaged as wholesome values and quality character when they're clearly not wholesome.
Oh, barf! Like honestly, who brags about treating people poorly? What kind of sick puppy is this degenerate?
I really hope he goes all MGTOW. Honestly, "men" like this need to remove themselves from all dating and procreation for the good of humanity and to help women out. Luckily, their looks usually ensure that they don't get to breed.
Again, I just do NOT understand why you care what he thinks though? It's obvious that he's not right in the head and is overcompensating for his own recognized inadequacies. It's dripping from his every post! You can see it in the way that he talks about making sooo much money. That's not something to brag about. A man who is genuinely attractive doesn't need a big wallet to lure a mate. The good ones don't need to pay for it.
I really do think there is something to the whole "he has a small penis thing" and that is a huge contributor to his twisted ideology. Is his username Japanese? I know they make smaller condoms for that market.
Sometimes posts like this go unchallenged because voicing an objection can easily be assumed to be due to "a small penis thing". But I'm feeling cocky today, so here goes.
Your post is intellectually lazy and racist. This is really the best you can do? Running with the cultural meme that assumes that the size of a man's penis determines what's really important about his personality or character, and then playing on racial stereotypes? That's neither kind nor clever.
MGTOW types who flounce off all dramatic like are fair game and ought to be challenged, but there are so many ways to do that which don't resort to hackneyed ad hominem attacks. Maybe make an actual argument next time.
Trust is not something to take lightly. Sex is special to me. I'm allowing someone to enter my body. I'm putting myself at risk for a host of diseases that a condom may not even be able to protect against (herpes, HPV) not to mention pregnancy. Not to mention letting a stranger I've only seen 3-5 times see me absolutely naked when I feel most vulnerable. I'm opening up a possible can of emotional attachment. So yea, sex is a big deal to me. And yea I need that security of knowing the guy will still be there tomorrow to fully enjoy it.
I won't convince you of anything so I am not going to try. I just wanted to mention that pregnancy is about the only STD (nyuck) that only women can get from PIV sex. The rest are fairly equal opportunity. You see just as many men as women in STD clinics across the country. STD's have been a scourge against humanity since there have been humans. Syphilis took out as many Europeans in the 14th Century as the Black Death plague. We've come a ways since then, but we have new STD enemies that didn't even exist then. If we stopped to think about it, we all simply would forswear ever getting that close to another person because of all the risks.
Sometimes posts like this go unchallenged because voicing an objection can easily be assumed to be due to "a small penis thing". But I'm feeling cocky today, so here goes.
Your post is intellectually lazy and racist. This is really the best you can do? Running with the cultural meme that assumes that the size of a man's penis determines what's really important about his personality or character, and then playing on racial stereotypes? That's neither kind nor clever.
MGTOW types who flounce off all dramatic like are fair game and ought to be challenged, but there are so many ways to do that which don't resort to hackneyed ad hominem attacks. Maybe make an actual argument next time.
Good catch. I didn't make that connection.
So that poster is attempting to make a racist comment towards Asians. Personally, I am white and American, but I have close ties to the Asian community. So I find this offensive.
I believe that poster may have earned herself a time-out due to her blatant racism.
There is a whole lot of negative connotations about sex in black culture. While many in black (and, not so surprisingly evangelical) culture engage in fornication, there is a lot of shame, guilt and unpacked baggage as it relates to *women* and sex. The idea that chastity makes for a quality woman, which if you (general) espouse this view then waiting seems like the best choice for you. Some choose to "wait" as an attempt to counter the culture of promiscuity. That being promiscuous attracts the wrong types, so by waiting maybe the "right" type will come around. If this is your M.O., good for you, but it isn't and shouldn't be universal, and it definitely isn't a marker for the quality of someone's character or "morals." If someone wishes to go down that route, the route of wholesome values, then do what Paul lays out in "his" epistles. Abstain until you (general) meet Prince Charming or Betty Sue circa 1950.
I couldn't care less what other folks do in this situation. But I sure as **** don't subscribe to puritanical, misogynistic claptrap packaged as wholesome values and quality character when they're clearly not wholesome.
I agree with you about the way sex is looked at in black culture but chastity and purity is not why I "wait", in fact my reasons for waiting have nothing to do with religion. I do believe in God, and I used to identify as Christian but I'm at a weird place with my faith right now that is outside of the scope of this thread. I was never taught to not have sex because it's "bad" or that I must remain pure, I was not raised in the church. My moms idea of talking to us about sex was letting us watch an episode of Oprah where girls admitted to feeling like a guys *** basket and felt very badly about themselves for sleeping around. That, and the one day where she pulled us aside and said "whatever you don't ever s*** "d" it's unsanitary." Surely these things might have impacted us to some extent but I did have sex obviously i was just cautious and rightly so because I found that when I did have sex I did feel far more emotionally attached to the guy and I have done the latter thing that she told me not to do with no qualms. I am my own person and even before the Oprah video or speech south not sucking "d", I already had the belief that I have now-that waiting until I'm ready, comfortable, feel safe with the decision, and until I know the guy is very important to me. Thus for me the right man is one that will respect that.
I have friends that have sex early on and that are promiscuous and they have all had relationships with no problem. Since I've never had sex early on or been promiscuous I honestly don't know if it does or does not
Impact quality of men or relationships. Going from my friends experiences, it does not. What I will say is touching on your points about sexuality in black culture a lot of times black men assume that I am promiscuous or that I will sleep with them on the first date because as I've been told frequently "im thick" and I give off a vibe. Growing up men only seemed to be interested in me because of my body or my face and the attention was always sexual, bordering harassment on many occasions and this is also contributes to why I wait on some level-i get sick of being treated like some video or instragram booty model and want to feel valued for the person I am inside. Making a man wait helps me understand if he's really trying to get to know me outside of the physical.
These are all my personal beliefs. I dont believe that there is some Prince Charming that I won't attract unless I make him wait or am pure. The latter is impossible anyway, I have a child, I'm a single mother and to many that isn't pure so it would be silly for me to try to present an image of wholesomeness when in this society I'm a part of statistic where I am automatically assessed as a woman that is far from good and holy. In any case I digress, my posts in this thread were not meant to illustrate that waiting makes me pure, attracts better men, or is what women must do to weed out men, or that it is right for everyone--my posts are about my personal beliefs and I certainly don't think that they should be universal. To each their own.
my posts in this thread were not meant to illustrate that waiting makes me pure, attracts better men, or is what women must do to weed out men, or that it is right for everyone--my posts are about my personal beliefs and I certainly don't think that they should be universal. To each their own.
In one thread you touch on the two main hot buttons that I have dealt with in relationships: as an African American you know the influence of Christianity, in all its flavors, on the black community. You also know that some of the sassiest, most outrageous show off sisters strutting around, are virgins and firmly wedded to the belief that sex before marriage is abomination. I find this all very interesting. I am a musician for a Catholic church and at a rehearsal last summer one of the young ladies got sent home by one of the church mothers because her shorts were so short. But she is card carrying, pure and virtuous and a really sweet young lady. Many engage in all kinds of activities that might be considered to be sex but they make their own interpretations to fit with what they need to express in their sexuality.
Here's the thing, ... we can't all be right. I'm an Atheist/Agnostic. My wife is not. She says that it doesn't matter. I think it does. We agree to disagree, but honestly, I don't really see how a true believer can abide being in close relationship with an unbeliever like myself. If you think early sex is wrong for you, it really should be wrong for everyone. If it isn't wrong for the people you know, then... technically, it really isn't wrong for you either. This whole "I'm ok, you're ok", seems like a complete cop out, so people don't have to look too hard at the logic fails of their own idiosyncrasies. We just agree to disagree instead. You don't slow my roll, and I won't slow yours. And that might be fine... except... when people want to get together. Back in the day I was very attractive to the sisters because I had a very good job, a car and a two bedroom apartment. And I was also the church organist, very visible. I wasn't ready to make anyone a marriage proposal but the pressure to do so just to get some was unrelenting.
Most women use sex as a weapon...even in marriage.
They do? With you? How, exactly? Do women not like having sex with you in general?
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