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It seems that everyone does it - facing this early on, whether due to pressure or actually liking the other person. Kissing, touch feels good and once the floodgates are open... it's all over. Inevitably, it does not mean a relationship will develop, if it is what a woman wants and usually does.
This scenario has existed for eons. In earlier days, no doubt this would be how some marriages began, due to leading to unexpected pregnancy. Then, in the days after "the Pill" surfaced, it was suggested for women to have felt more "sexually free" and to express themselves physically (allowing men to feel pretty free, also). However, the outlook regarding "who does what and how soon" was not altered, despite the so-called sexual "freedom", that doubtless caused inner conflicts for women. To this day, it appears a double-standard has not changed.
We will read on this site how a female is upset, not understanding what happened to a guy (and after she had sex with him). We will also read how men (maybe not all) will expect it immediately and if they don't get what they want, will stop seeing a woman. Men may express wanting to assess immediately if a woman is "sexually compatible" (in a first encounter ) before investing in any more time with another. Also, believing in "having chemistry" can be misconstrued at that stage.
So, how is a female able to establish a relationship when getting to know a man will likely not go beyond the early stages, whether she allows sex to occur or not. Besides this, neither has any idea if the other person is even worth becoming involved with so early on, which can be a mistake, overall. So, why is this the way things are and how might it ever change?
one has to be very careful about jumping into a sexual relationship early in the cycle. people need to learn to take their time and let things develop into such a relationship over time.
but too many people today are into instant gratification, they want what they want, and they want it now. and if that means jumping into bed together on the first or second date, then so be it, to their way of thinking.
and that leads to problems down the road, either early or later. unwanted pregnancies, hurt feelings on both people, sexual transmitted diseases, etc. not to mention ruined reputations, among other things.
I meant to add something I have observed, also addressed by the author of this article, how over the years, "romantic" films will depict unrealistic outcomes in quick-sex scenarios which does not reflect what occurs in real life, giving women the wrong impression. I think this has been an influence, and that noticeably in movies or TV, characters are regularly depicted as having sex immediately, no matter what. Well, they like getting an audience, but I cannot tell you how many times I have observed something, such as a male character "falling in love", having romantic outcomes, a wedding... thinking "Oh, sure".
If people cannot separate sex from emotions, they need to wait until a relationship is established.
I, personally, don't see the value in "timing" a relationship to make sure I have sex with him at just the right time for a relationship to develop.
IMO, any man worth his salt isn't going to stop dating me because I had sex with him too soon. I'm an adult and I know how to practice safe sex. I'm not going to refrain from enjoying myself just because there's a possibility that he might look down on me for doing so, because if he does... well, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who has such a prudish view of sexuality, anyway.
If people cannot separate sex from emotions, they need to wait until a relationship is established.
I, personally, don't see the value in "timing" a relationship to make sure I have sex with him at just the right time for a relationship to develop.
IMO, any man worth his salt isn't going to stop dating me because I had sex with him too soon. I'm an adult and I know how to practice safe sex. I'm not going to refrain from enjoying myself just because there's a possibility that he might look down on me for doing so, because if he does... well, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who has such a prudish view of sexuality, anyway.
Well, I don't know it is that men will necessarily have a "prudish" view, however it seems that no matter what, the female can lose out depending upon who she is dealing with. Either he won't like one who appears she would have sex with just anyone OR if she does not have sex with him soon, he will split because she doesn't. This is due to some conditioning for men to still think this way depending upon their backgrounds I think, but I don't know why it should still exist, especially with influences having promoted sexuality for both.
It seems there is an outdated notion that prevails, being acceptable for men to freely have various sex partners, but women should not (though men will persist in trying out the goods), and there was the notion that a woman would either be classified as a "s___" or "prude". A woman should be able to express herself sexually since she is also not without needs, but we see how it can still interfere with one getting to know a man she likes better. Understandably, a woman may resist a potential partner at all, due to this.
I did not have sex before marriage because I wanted to have sex only if we would stay together. Some guys do reject just because not getting sex before marriage and some guys does not take it as serious problem. Some guys do want to wait too
I don't see the reason just to have sex with someone till waiting someone who is good enough to stay rest of the life.
Well, I don't know it is that men will necessarily have a "prudish" view, however it seems that no matter what, the female can lose out depending upon who she is dealing with. Either he won't like one who appears she would have sex with just anyone OR if she does not have sex with him soon, he will split because she doesn't. This is due to some conditioning for men to still think this way depending upon their backgrounds I think, but I don't know why it should still exist, especially with influences having promoted sexuality for both.
It seems there is an outdated notion that prevails, being acceptable for men to freely have various sex partners, but women should not (though men will persist in trying out the goods), and there was the notion that a woman would either be classified as a "s___" or "prude". A woman should be able to express herself sexually since she is also not without needs, but we see how it can still interfere with one getting to know a man she likes better. Understandably, a woman may resist a potential partner at all, due to this.
None of what you are saying is news, though.
And yes, a man who still holds onto those views is too prudish and not progressive enough.
Why would any woman want to hold onto a man who would leave them for such a silly reason? The truth is that if a guy still holds on to those types of views, i.e., he would go that far with a woman and then hold it against HER, he's a douchebag and not worth any woman's time.
Again, if a woman isn't ready to have sex yet, she shouldn't have sex with the man, but sex should never be used to achieve a relationship. You shouldn't use sex as some carrot to gain a guy's respect. He should already respect you if he's going out on a date with you, and if he loses respect for you for having sex with him (even though it takes two to tango!) he isn't worth it anyway.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by In2itive_1
So, how is a female able to establish a relationship when getting to know a man will likely not go beyond the early stages, whether she allows sex to occur or not. Besides this, neither has any idea if the other person is even worth becoming involved with so early on, which can be a mistake, overall. So, why is this the way things are and how might it ever change?
If a man's primary interest in a woman is sex - which it is - its stupid for a woman to give him what he wants up front, IF she is interested in a committed relationship.
I think Mark Gungor (you can find his videos on YouTube) says it the best - and even though he is a pastor, he speaks realisticly:
You wouldn't buy a new construction home and pay the contractor in full right up front. You pay him as certain goals are met during the construction. Why? Because if you give him all the money right up front, he has no incentive to complete the job. It's stupid.
Same goes for sex while dating. Sex while married is completely the reverse. You want to keep the boy happy!
As for relationships from dating, its a shot in the dark, and you simply have to wait until someone who is truly interested in a committed relationship appears in your life. The older a man is, generally speaking, the more mature he is, and the more interested in a committed relationship he is. The only problem here is bringing ex-wives and previous offspring into your new relationship. However, there are exceptions to every generalization.
Most men don't really mature until they are between 35 - 45 years of age. Proof of this is how a lot of prisons are divided up - under 35 in one cell block, and 35 plus in another cell block. Young men are foolish and take too many risks, and also have something to prove.
It has been my experience that when the time is right it will happen. Until it does happen, you are just passing time until the right person comes along.
If you give random men what they are seeking right up front, they have no incentive to ever call you back, and if the do, its probably because they expect you to be just as free with your sex as you were before.
If you want to have sex on a first date, realize that chances are you will probably never hear from him again, and you cant expect him to respect you at all. Again, there are exceptions to every rule, but you have to be extremely lucky to be an exception to the rule.
Last edited by ConeyGirl52; 02-01-2016 at 05:54 AM..
And yes, a man who still holds onto those views is too prudish and not progressive enough.
Why would any woman want to hold onto a man who would leave them for such a silly reason? The truth is that if a guy still holds on to those types of views, i.e., he would go that far with a woman and then hold it against HER, he's a douchebag and not worth any woman's time.
Again, if a woman isn't ready to have sex yet, she shouldn't have sex with the man, but sex should never be used to achieve a relationship. You shouldn't use sex as some carrot to gain a guy's respect. He should already respect you if he's going out on a date with you, and if he loses respect for you for having sex with him (even though it takes two to tango!) he isn't worth it anyway.
Ditto. The last thing on mind was "What is he going to think of me?"
Personally, I think it's silly to treat sex as some sort of reward or incentive. I think it's rather naive and foolish to expect sex to lead to a relationship, so if it's that important to a woman and she's worried about her "reputation", then she's better off waiting it out until she's totally sure. But, I think the whole "used bicycle" or "chewed up piece of gum" mentality toward women's sexuality is pretty much nonexistent these days, outside of certain conservative circles anyway.
Timing of sex is largely irrelevant; sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't, regardless if you have sex on the first date or the twentieth date.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 02-01-2016 at 06:24 AM..
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) before investing in any more time with another. Also, believing in "having chemistry" can be misconstrued at that stage.
