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Robyn, For now, I hope the wet weather stays south. I know there was a serious drought in some areas. I don't know if you guys were part of that or not. I do know your area floods when it comes down too much. Those tunnels close...right?
I just wish we could have some sun and a bit of warm weather up this way. Today was OK, but we have snow forecasted for next week.
Remember that? Huey Lewis... Thats me, I wanna new job that doesn't make me sick!
Doesn't make me feel wretched to walk throught he doors, or be around severeal of them.
I spoke with ib on the phone yesterday. I needed some directions, so I called him, and he was actually pleasant, and gave me the directions... and they were right.
I ask how his new job was going, he said he had not caught a rythym yet, in it. Saying he was very stressed out in it, and losing hair from the stress...
I spoke to him for a little while, he asked me if I looked over the insurance info, and I told him that i had.. and that it sucks. it covers nothing at all.
Told him it isn't going to cover Ls meds, and that the couple little things it does cover, you have to pay a 250 deductible before it picks anything up... per person.
He says to me that that cannot be right. I tell him to look at it... I am not even kidding.
He says to me it is only for three months, and I tell him I cannot afford to pay for ls med for three mos, at 140 a month.
He continues to moan about his new job, and I let him know I am on the freeway and have to look at the road.
He was walking. Says he had to walk to try and get rid of his stress...
Hmmmmm sounds vaguely familiar... lol
Good morning, it seems to be another rainy day here.. We did have a drought, Rockky....
I am not sure, at this point, if the farmers are happy with this rain, or if we have gotten too much, because it has been a very rainy season, even the winter.
Still we have rain. I walked out this morning to check on the moon. I had no idea where to even look for it, because the sun and moon, and even the stars have been non existent for more than a week now.
Nothing but rain.
There was a whole lot of fog out there this morning, the street lights and the blinking red light looking rather fuzzy in the fog.
I just heard my little coffee alarm... coffee's done. Work is driving me crazy. So many times yesterday I wanted either to explode or walk out the door never to return.
These people are crazy. They are unreasonable. They have lost touch with reality here. It is such an unhealthy work environment.
I really do not like getting a sick feeling when I think about going to work. Walking through the doors and just having a feeling of dread, hardly being able to wait for that eight hours later.
I have nausea right now, with just the thought of the place. Most of the people.
It's high time you unloaded on those folks. Tell them you refuse to be treated like this any longer. And if they don't stop immediately you are giving your notice. On the way home swing by Walnuts and pick up an application. Heck I wouldn't even give them the courtesy of a 2 week notice. I'd just walk and let them squirm and writh in their own misery when you don't show up to do all the work!
That or demand a raise for putting up with all the bs you do. Maybe threaten with some law suit if they don't knock off the crap. Maybe turn to the worst of the bunch and tell her YOUR FIRED! YOUR SO FIRED YOU WERE FIRED YESTERDAY! Now get outa my face! Something like that...
Robyn do you have any personal or vacations days you can use to look for work? At the moment, we are not in the best economic times. I'd suggest you find another job before you give notice. I know you had "an awakening," but don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Proceed with caution.
This morning I am getting the kids ready for school. Atr least, trying to. L never wants to get up.
Today I feel the need to be close to my family. I cannot be. They are so far away. All weekend, I felt the need. I was alone, and I had no one.
In emergency, a friend from work had the kids and then ib came and got them Saturday morning. He called me in the er and asked me couldn't my friend keep them for teh whole weekend.
No I said.
This morning I drink my coffee out of my moms coffee cup. The first coffee I have had since friday morning, coffee friday sucked. I should have known something was up. All weekend I had nothing but decaf coffee and tea, and way too much meat.
Yuck. Todays coffee is good, even without any chocolate in it. Is it moms cup that makes it taste good? Is it me thinking back and seeing her hold this very cup, drinking her coffee, an elbow in the table, smiling, or frowning.
Smoking her cigarette? I feel like crying almost, even thinking of it.
Being alone is a hard thing. I think it wouldn't be so bad if I had family near. But they are not near, they are no where near.
On the phone friday ib tels me I am strong, and I don't need him to tell me that. I will be just fine, and now is the time when family is so important.
I tell him I have no family, none anywhere near. He apologizes, for get I even said that.
I was very upset and I was crying. I was thinking back to that yellow sheet of paper he gave me before I moved out that said if I ever get sick or have to be in the hospital for any reason he would take the kids.
I don't know why I went back to that. He asked me what was the matter and I told him.
He said Oh Honey, that is gone, forget about that. You should not even be thinking about that. I told you that it doesn't even exist anymore.
He then apologized for calling me honey, I said its ok. So he got the kids from my friend at work the next morning around 11 I suppose. I saw them Friday night, she brought them up, and then she and her dh took them out to eat and they rented Alvin and the Chipmunks and watched it at her house. They did well.
I have her telling me that things are never, as far as he is concerned. I have my sister telling me that she wishes we would get back together. I don't understand this!
I think my sister just doesn't want me alone. I don't know.
I just had to step outside to get away from all of these thoughts.
The sky is beautiful with one bright star shining. The sunrise is making its debut and the cool air blowing. As you stand there, you can see your breath in the air when you breath.
Natures superdome. Wonderful.
My L won't get out of bed. She is all curled up like a tiny little baby.... A down here curled up on the couch. I suppose the weekend was even rougher for them. Now they are worn slam out.
The stress of my work is killing me. I am not kidding. Something happened on Thursday, I blacked out or I passed out. I went to the er. Before that, I remember getting L on the bus at about 645 and I came inside, same timeline as everyday. I was getting ready to go up the stairs to get ready and I don't remember anything else.
At 908 my phone rang and it startled me. I looked at my surroundings and I was on the living room couch, not knowing how I got there, or what time it was. Only by looking at my cellphone did I know what time that call just came in.
I thought oh no! I didn't go to work! I got a little bit more of a clear mind and called work, asked for om, but aom came to the phone. I was trying to tell her I lost a period of time, and she said she didn't care what happened to me, am I coming in to work or not? NO.
I was calling her not only as my supervisior, but as a nurse of the practice where I am a patient, telling her I have lost a space of time, and I don't know what happened.
Have a good day, click. She was gone from the line.
I slept for several hours, til a little after 12 noon and went to the er.
The diagnosed me with adult seizure in an epileptic patient.
They did labs and a ct, and everything was normal.
I did not have a seizure. I did not have ann aura, I did not have the feeling like I had a seizure. I blacked out.
Friday I went to work. I was expecting hell day.For not going in the day before. I worked for maybe an hour or a little more, and I noticed the tv in the waiting area was fuzzy. I went and fixed it and I lost my balance a little on the way back. Pt asked if I was ok. I said I will be.
I sat at my desk and made a call to another office, to schedule a patient. The young lady and I were talking, and all of a sudden, I just couldn't answer her questions. I told her I would call her back. I hung up the phone, and then I had a bad feeling. I put my head on my desk to wish it away.
When I am about to have a seizure, I have an aura, and if I can just block out all the noise, talking, sounds, it will normally go away.
My head twitched just a little, as far as I could tell, and my hand was hitting the desk. It effected the left side of my body only, and I was aware the whole time. I could hear people talking, heard everything they were saying. Check on her. Call her name. See if she is ok. Overhead page. I think there were maybe 6 people around me. There was no way I could block all of that out. I just couldn't.
I stayed aware the whole time, but could not say a word.
Finally I sat up and was a bit better.
The resuce squad was there, and took me to the er. I stayed in a trauma room for about 5 hours. Er dr tells me that my dr wants to admit me. The last thing I wanted to hear.
All of my labs were normal, my ct was normal. They even drew a prolactin level which shows if a person had a seizure, and it was negative. They drew it more than once. Still negative. I am worried about my kids.
It is stress. My work is killing me.
All three drs came to see me. First the dr who was with me the whole time at the office, standing right in front of me as it all happened. He came into my room to ask if I was ok, was there anything I needed. Just a headache, and I thanked him. He told me which dr would be taking care of me.
He came in not ten minutes later, a little upset that the er doc had written the orders wrong.
Then he told me that the owning dr would be taking care of me this weekend. The very last thing I wanted to hear. The very last thing.
So thne he came in and saw me. Asked me what happened and why I thought it happened. Oh what a loaded question that was.
I told him I am under a lot of stress. Why he says? Where?
I say I have workplace stress.
He says I think our place is a nice place to be.
I started saying a few of the things that were going on with me, and he says, ok we will talk about this another time, you get your rest. Yea right.
He visits me for about 2 minutes Saturday morning and the Neurologist comes to see me as well. He was there almost 30 minutes. A very thorough exam and eval. I tell him everything that was going on. He says that he feels it was from stress, and not so sure that it was an actual seizure, although it appeared to be one. He says stress does funny things to us.
I thought that was the last I would see of him. Sunday I was p*ssed. I wanted to go home. I was just a person taking up space. My IV was ripped out, I did that by accident. It was in a horroible place ont he bony part of my hand and it grabbed on teh sheets. (ouch)
The EMT put it right above my left wrist bone.
I was fully dressed and walking the halls, when is dr_______ going to be here, is he here yet?
Well, ther is still one dr you need to see and one test they want you to do, and neither ever happen on a Sunday.
I say why in the heck didn't they do it yesterday??? I have been here since friday morning!!!
I hated to be upset with the nurses, because I know it is not their fault, and I apologized to them.
So, just when I am about to bust loose, the neuro comes back and talks to me, tells me if it were up to him, I would have been gone yesterday, he feels all of this was stress, and was not a break through seizure at all. He says to me that I need a new job.
So, then the third dr comes in. It is Ls dr. He says Robyn.... what are you doing here? Is L ok? I say she is just fine, she has been great since all of the goings on. He sits down next to me and takes my history.
I have seen the history he takes and they can be up to four pages long. He wrote about 6 lines on me.
The dr that admitted me thought I was under so much stress that I needed a psych consult. Good. So we talked, and he told me it was as plain as I needed to get my butt out of that office and get a new job. Any job.
Thank you very much!
He said Bye Robyn, best of luck to you.
So, in comes the dr that owns the practice. He looks at me and says the last test I need can be done as an outpatient study, talks to me about how I feel, says I seem much stronger today, says between the three drs, they have concluded I have not had a seizuere, but an over load of stress... no sh*t sherlock, I think to myself. excuse the french.
THEN he says, now, about your employment, I want to talk to you about that now.
OK, He was talking to me as a patient in the hospital, and he wants to bring my workplace into the mix, as I am laying there in a hospital bed.
OK. Dont even think I wasn't game. I went off. He says he chose the om and aom and they are doing a wonderful job. I told him the treatment I recieve, and the things they are doing to me in the office. He cannot imagine that.
I tell him there is a racial divide in teh office and it is unfair, it is wrong.
He said, the same thing was being said before, when ________ was here. I said, well, the same people are doing the same bit of nothing they were doing before, so I don't understand that, if not, doing even less.
Then I told him about when I had called in on Thurs. He said well you have to understand, she can not be your supervisor and your nurse.
Duelly noted, I say. But if she could not have handled both aspects of that call, she should have passed it to a nurse that could. I am a patient of your practice calling your office and saying that I have lost a chunk of time, and she was like that to me? I dont care what happened to you, are you coming in to work or not?
He sat there searching for an answer. he does that a lot. Tries to find the right thing to say. He says he thinks he is a fair man and if I can bring up a case of all of these things, he will gladly listen.
I say no you wont, because the last time this happened, and I said something to you, with the two of them in the room, you told me you made a good decision in them, and that they didn't say anything about my 'momma' so they didn't do anything wrong.
He tells me he doesn't recall that conversation. I am so sure.
So, I spent my weekend in the hospital, and I got home at 830 pm. I told him I was not going to work today that I may go for my half day. He told the nurse to tell me to schedule this test for myself.
Is that crazy? Yes, I am a scheduler, but dag on. OK, so I tell her I need an order. She gets it from him. I then look at it and tell her it needs a diagnoses or I can't schedule it and the hospital can't bill for it.
UGH.
jim came to get me, had the kids and his brother in law.
My sister called me and was very upset. I called her to let her know where I was, and my cell dies, so she couldn't get up with me., then the operators wouldn't put her through to my room.
Finally she got me. She said to me that I need to get out of that place. She can feel it. I just need to check myself out and get out of there. I had felt the same thing all day, and she was not the only one to tell me that.
I feel pretty good today. L is staying home with me, didn't get much sleep last night.
I called the office friday and asked om if she would give my check to my friend. She says we don't do that.
I will do it this time, but be forewarned, the next time this happenes, I wont do it.
Oh bite me!~
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Something like that...
