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Well, Good Morning. Thought I would come and rescue my baby off of page 2. LOL.
Last night was game night with the kids and I. We had a really good time with that. I think I am gonna pick a night every week for this.
Probably gonna be tues since its my half day. Ran kind of late last night.
The kids will be with him this weekend, and I will be without them for the first time on Easter.
He is beign a super jerk these days. Super. He is really showing the exact person that he is. That he has always been. I am so glad I came to realize everything.
I am so very grateful for it. I don't know how I never saw it all of those years. Blinded.
Not anymore.
Well, its almost the weekend, I can say YAY to that...
He is beign a super jerk these days. Super. He is really showing the exact person that he is. That he has always been. I am so glad I came to realize everything.
I am so very grateful for it. I don't know how I never saw it all of those years. Blinded.
Not anymore.
Blinded............by love and therefore desensitized to psychological and spiritual abuse.
Never again.
This journal you have shared with us could have been written by me five to six years ago. The new awareness is amazing, isn't it? I remember feeling so light and unencumbered after I got to that place.
Blinded............by love and therefore desensitized to psychological and spiritual abuse.
Never again.
This journal you have shared with us could have been written by me five to six years ago. The new awareness is amazing, isn't it? I remember feeling so light and unencumbered after I got to that place.
Good Morning PG. The new awareness IS amazing. I am finding myself so often asking how could I not have seen this? How could I not have seen this person who is so terrible, all of these years ago?
I wasn't ready to see. It wasn't time. Everything in His time. Thats all.
But I still ask. How could I not have seen? I was no one then. I guess thats how.
I suppose these volumes of words could have been written by many of us... This to me... speaks so much of us. This group of folks here who have come together.
Desensitized. You are right. But not any more. I use those words a lot. never again.
I can smile now. I can laugh, and be happy. And it is ok. These things are ok. They are a good thing.
I am glad for all of us who could have written these threads. These threads of my life.
I am glad for the people we were, and the people it made us be. The people we are today, and who we continue to grow into.
Robyn - What you said here is soooo important, IMO - "I am glad for the people we were, and the people it made us be. The people we are today, and who we continue to grow into. "
I've had people ask me if I'm bitter/angry about things that have happened in my life in the past. For awhile, sure I was - in the beginning. Gradually, though, "the collective" we come to realize that what has happened in our lives is what makes us who we are now.
We have a choice - we can dwell on the "wrongs" that may have been done to us or the bad choices we made somewhere along the line and become very bitter, angry, unhappy.....OR we can chose to learn from the past experiences and "forgive" (not forget) those who have done something to us or we did to ourselves and move forward and continue to grow and evolve.
Some people get "stuck" in the bitterness and anger and can never let go, not realizing they are only hurting themselves in the long run, as the bitterness and anger eats away at them and they never get to experience the happiness and contentment that they could.
I've always been happy to read your positive posts - sure, you get down at times, everyone does - but your experience has not made you bitter or angry at the world and that is so wonderful to me.
I know I would not be the person I am today had I not had certain experiences in the past....I think that is so important to realize, as you said in your last line.
IMO, things happen for a reason. If we are able to learn from our negative experiences, acknowledge them, forgive things, we are able to move on to a happier, more content place in our minds and hearts. Does that mean there will no longer be rough spots? Of course not - they will always come; however, in going through the "hell" a lot of us have, we have learned that we can handle pretty much anything that is thrown our way...we may not like it, but we will find a way to turn it around ... You have reached that point. You know you deserve to be happy. You know your kids deserve to be happy.
Sunday is Easter - a time of "rebirth" if you will - You, L and A have been "reborn." They may not be with you physically on Easter Sunday, but they will still be with you as you 3 continue on your journeys through life with all it's ups and downs and you have been teaching and will continue to teach your children how to make lemonade out of the lemons thrown your way...
Hope this ramble makes sense! I know, I always say that
The birds are still asleep. The only morning sound I can hear is the neighbors pond, with the water falling into it, bouncing from all the different surfaces. Making all the beautiful noises, just like a waterfall.
The air is cool on my skin, a little damp feeling, as well. Today, I go out the back door of chimes. I skip past the front door, because I have not been seeing that wonderful moon.
Oh there you are, I think to myself. I walk out that back door and there is that spectacular sight. A full moon, lighting up the whole sky.
It hides behind the tall trees across the street, I walk a little ways down the road to get a full view. The moon is so bright that the sky is a bit light, and it is just beautiful.
Even with the sky being lighter than usual, and not that deep deep blue, the stars are shining so brightly.
The world is my superdome. The sky is my freedom. It always had been. I just didn't know. I needed a little something to give me a helping hand. I needed a little someone to help me open my eyes to the world around me. He did just that.
Last summer, or even late spring, my eyes were open to this world. The Lord opened my eyes, finally. Finally it was time for the cocoon to open up. It was time for the butterfly to realize she had wings, and fly, fly away.
Staying close for just a while longer. Understanding her surroundings. A beautiful butterfly, still somewhat trapped in her cocoon. Just waiting for the day she could fly to the heavens if she wanted to.
Her day came. She flies with beauty and might. Her colors beautiful. Wings flapping happily, drifting here and there. Taking time to stop and smell the flowers when there are any.
She stops to listen to sounds she never heard before then, but always longs to hear them now.
She looks at things she never saw before. Things that were there forever, but she just couldn't see. Her eyes are new to her. They see differently. Now she sees beauty in everything. In old things. Things that others just think are worn down, need to be removed.
She knows that once upon a time, it was new, it was someones dream come true. She knows about such dreams. The dreams that come true. She has had many, now.
Maybe this is why she sees things like this. Because her dreams have come true. She knows about them, dreams. The good ones, and the bad ones.
Being but a beautiful butterfly who has spread her wings to fly..... there is no room for those bad dreams anymore. They are taken from her and thrown to the wind. Only room, now for the good things in life.
And life is good for her. For this butterfly, life is wonderful. It is everything it never was before.
The day she spread her wings for the very first time... it all started to be so good.
Now she has time to just stop and look, mid-flight. She lands and just looks around at everything. She sees the beauty in everyday. Everyday life is her favorite thing, these days.
Last edited by Pikantari; 03-21-2008 at 05:03 AM..
This weekend I am all alone. The kids are with him, and he was just an ultimate... I try not to be bad. He was a jerk when he brought them up to my work yesterday.
I have not ever not been with them for Easter before. This is the first time. This Thanksgiving will be the first time I will not have been with them.
I am learning about all kinds of new firsts. The thing with that is, the good firts are far outweighing the bad ones.
That is such a good feeling. There is too much good in this life to worry about the bad all the time. I have to remember that, when I am wanting to be with them.
I was going to take pictures today, but it is awful dreary, maybe that sun will come out and say hello...
I hope everyone is going to have the best of weekends....
Good morning cinderoybn
And the same to everyone else on here. I've been trying to get caught up on the threads on the forums. To do that properly though, I have to stop typing, and blabbing, so I can read what everyone else has going on. I'm glad you're looking for the positive, and good though. Thats how I survive I guess. Sometimes I end up venting a little on here though, and it is helpful. When I stop and think of all the bad people I've ever known, worked with, or interacted with in whatever way, and then compare it with all the decent, and good people I've known, and still know, there is no comparision really. Maybe I've just been lucky, but I still believe the good outweighs the bad, in the long run. Since back in january, I've had an almost insane work schedule. My son is grown, and lives in a different state, but at least he can, and often does call me, both at home, and at work. But, I did right by him as he was growing up, and he hasn't forgotton it. His mom and I didn't see eye-to-eye, and it was better for all concerned that we not stay together. But still, I treated her with respect, and he hasn't forgotton that either. I mention these things only because I can sort of "feel" what you might be feeling concerning your children, and the situation you describe. I have said all along that I wasn't going to comment very much on your marriage, and pending divorce. Not because I don't care, it's just that I wasn't even a part of these forums when your threads started, I don't believe. What I'm saying here is that your children will remember who did what, when they are grown. Of course, I'm confident that you already know all this. But I say it because it's a pretty good feeling when my son calls me often, just to talk. He doesn't call to ask for financial help, he just calls to talk. I am quite sure he wouldn't do this if I had been a jerk when he was growing up. You can read between the lines what I'm saying here, I'm sure. So, anyway, I'm now off until Sunday night,(YAY!). On call though. Not sure what I'll do this weekend yet. Maybe my sweetie and I can go eat somewhere. If so, she can pick the place, because I like ALL the different foods there are. She is Italian, but she favors Mexican food over all the rest. I think I prefer Chinese, but, will eat wherever. Just being off work for a couple of nights is something I havn't had in a while. Maybe the day will be sunny. It won't be dry though for awhile yet. Missouri got hammered pretty hard with severe storms the other night. We got enough water to share with whoever might need it. I think I'm gonna get off here for awhile, and start my day. I've been up just about all night, but if I sleep much at all, then it will be difficult to sleep tonight while I'm off. I hope you have a great day, and I hope to be able to wish you, and everyone else who "believes" a Happy Easter on the day itself. It truly is an important day. A day of hope, and new beginnings! Take care.
Yes, Dennis, they know, and they see it everyday. I don't want it to be that way, I dont say bad things about him infront of them, but he acts these bad ways, with them, on the phone, and in person.
He treats me badly right infront of them. Even still.
My son had a very hurt look on his face yesterday when they were leaving. A hurt and confused look. It killed me inside.
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