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Has anyone ever had the desire to compliment someone, but no desire to be taken as having inappropriate intentions, so just kept your mouth shut?
I think about this sometimes...often, I wish to express to a guy that he has appealing or attractive qualities, be it appearance or wit or talent, but don't want him to think I'm coming on to him. And yet, in this world, I think all of us could use the little boost that comes with a sincere compliment for its own sake. So I actually feel bad for not giving it. You know?
Recent and relevant example, pertaining to one of our own here. Inebriated Duck. I think your posts are clever, interesting, and often humorous. Your pictures in your profile are nice. I don't mean for anything to come of that, I just thought you should know.
I bet guys feel the pain of this more often than ladies. Guys, do you ever want to compliment a woman just because you think she is deserving of it, and not because you hope to gain anything personally from doing so? Do you then sometimes withhold the compliment because she might think you're coming on to her?
Does anyone else think it's a little sad that one has to second guess oneself on something like this?
Has anyone ever had the desire to compliment someone, but no desire to be taken as having inappropriate intentions, so just kept your mouth shut?
I think about this sometimes...often, I wish to express to a guy that he has appealing or attractive qualities, be it appearance or wit or talent, but don't want him to think I'm coming on to him. And yet, in this world, I think all of us could use the little boost that comes with a sincere compliment for its own sake. So I actually feel bad for not giving it. You know?
Recent and relevant example, pertaining to one of our own here. Inebriated Duck. I think your posts are clever, interesting, and often humorous. Your pictures in your profile are nice. I don't mean for anything to come of that, I just thought you should know.
I bet guys feel the pain of this more often than ladies. Guys, do you ever want to compliment a woman just because you think she is deserving of it, and not because you hope to gain anything personally from doing so? Do you then sometimes withhold the compliment because she might think you're coming on to her?
Does anyone else think it's a little sad that one has to second guess oneself on something like this?
Plenty of times.
Compliments are nice, I have only received one from my profile photo.
It's quite horrible. I regularly face that problem with people. I can't compliment a woman at the office because they could, if they choose, report me to HR.
It's quite horrible. I regularly face that problem with people. I can't compliment a woman at the office because they could, if they choose, report me to HR.
Only if you compliment them on their looks.
I doubt they'd have a case for HR if you actually complimented them on something of substance, like what a good job they did on the tps report, etc.
It's quite horrible. I regularly face that problem with people. I can't compliment a woman at the office because they could, if they choose, report me to HR.
Well, what the heck are you complimenting? "Nice ass," is generally frowned upon in polite circles, but "Nice shoes" or "That's a great dress" is pretty neutral.
There is, however, an argument to be made that if you wouldn't say it to a co-worker of the same sex (assuming you're hetero), you probably shouldn't say it to your co-worker of the opposite sex.
But the funny thing is, a lot of straight guys won't compliment other guys because they worry it will be perceived as a sexual come on or seem "gay," yet they wonder how a compliment to a person of the gender they actually ARE attracted to could possibly be perceived as such. It's a little bit of cognitive dissonance there, I think.
Hey, I have no problem with compliments. Heck, I know when one of the industry guys I run into sometimes complimented me on my dress at the last conference, it was because the dress made my boobs look pretty huge. Whatever - it DID look pretty damn good, lol. But I can see why that would bother some women.
When I lost 20 lbs, my male bosses were effusive in their praise. There was nothing remotely sexual in it - they were just happy for me. I have that kind of relationship with them.
Context is everything, also. If you're typically the guy who keeps to himself and doesn't talk to his co-workers then drops a "Lovely shirt" compliment on one of your female co-workers and that's all you've said to her all year beyond "Hello" and "Do you have your TPS sheet?" it's gonna be kinda creepy. If you have a good working relationship with someone and don't make them feel uncomfortable on a daily basis, they're going to be flattered not taking offense.
Only if you compliment them on their looks.
I doubt they'd have a case for HR if you actually complimented them on something of substance, like what a good job they did on the tps report, etc.
Well, what the heck are you complimenting? "Nice ass," is generally frowned upon in polite circles, but "Nice shoes" or "That's a great dress" is pretty neutral.
There is, however, an argument to be made that if you wouldn't say it to a co-worker of the same sex (assuming you're hetero), you probably shouldn't say it to your co-worker of the opposite sex.
But the funny thing is, a lot of straight guys won't compliment other guys because they worry it will be perceived as a sexual come on or seem "gay," yet they wonder how a compliment to a person of the gender they actually ARE attracted to could possibly be perceived as such. It's a little bit of cognitive dissonance there, I think.
Hey, I have no problem with compliments. Heck, I know when one of the industry guys I run into sometimes complimented me on my dress at the last conference, it was because the dress made my boobs look pretty huge. Whatever - it DID look pretty damn good, lol. But I can see why that would bother some women.
When I lost 20 lbs, my male bosses were effusive in their praise. There was nothing remotely sexual in it - they were just happy for me. I have that kind of relationship with them.
Context is everything, also. If you're typically the guy who keeps to himself and doesn't talk to his co-workers then drops a "Lovely shirt" compliment on one of your female co-workers and that's all you've said to her all year beyond "Hello" and "Do you have your TPS sheet?" it's gonna be kinda creepy. If you have a good working relationship with someone and don't make them feel uncomfortable on a daily basis, they're going to be flattered not taking offense.
I've never worried about complimenting guys either, but I do worry about complimenting the gals. There are some that I have enough of a relationship with that I can and not worry but in general it's a no no.
My compliments don't get too personal. I can't resist complimenting a good tie, I like artistic ties on a guy. If they take it as a come-on, that's their problem. They'll be disappointed. The day we have to clam up about little day-brighteners like that will be a sad day, indeed.
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