Guys: Would you date or marry a woman with aspergers/autism? (attracted, friend)
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How does a person with AS present a hazard or a problem in a relationship? I'm sure that, in some cases, there are problems in relating. However, in other cases, some people who make contributions to society hold down relationships.
Still, this question needs to be answered, especially since this is not an easily detectable condition.
How does a person with AS present a hazard or a problem in a relationship? I'm sure that, in some cases, there are problems in relating. However, in other cases, some people who make contributions to society hold down relationships.
Still, this question needs to be answered, especially since this is not an easily detectable condition.
most of us have some of these problems:
failure to understand other people's POVs
difficulty expressing/explaining emotions
issues empathizing w/ others
very private and need free time alone
sensory issues (do not like loud noises, being touched, etc)
clumsiness
...not that I know from personal experiences, pretty sure some of those things would cause a 'hazard' in relationships
edit: there are physical symptoms associated with A.S. as well, a lot of people assume it's only social issues but it's much more than that.
Last edited by Doll Eyes; 09-13-2012 at 07:01 PM..
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
Maybe one needs to ask this overarching question.
How does a person with AS present a hazard or a problem in a relationship? I'm sure that, in some cases, there are problems in relating. However, in other cases, some people who make contributions to society hold down relationships.
Still, this question needs to be answered, especially since this is not an easily detectable condition.
People with AS fall over a large spectrum, Rob, just as AS itself is said to be part of the 'autistic spectrum.' Some are milder than others. Some have trouble reading body language or tone of voice at all, some are not bad at that. Some can spend hours talking about the weather. Some seem pretty personable. I think the main criterion is supposed to be social interaction. While I was diagnosed with HFA at age 13, I began to have doubts a few years ago when I found I didn't meet most of the diagnostic criteria. Now I think my shyness/awkwardness stemming from anxiety probably made me seem awkward and thus socially inept. I knew HOW to relate just was afraid to do it.
Aspies are not all 'crazies.' In fact I'd say most aspies I know are probably more rational and sound of mind than most non-aspies. I don't even think of it as a mental disease/condition/disorder but a natural variation. Great people like Da Vinci, Einstein and Bill Gates probably had AS.
Anyone heard of Temple Gradin? She's probably one of the most famous people with AS but while she's 'high functioning' she's on the more extreme end. Many people with AS have happy, well-functioning relationships. It just requires a bit of understanding. You know those geeks in school? Good chance they were AS or have AS traits.
I'm probably borderline Asperger's (one doc says he thinks I have it, another doesn't) but I'm better at reading body language.etc that sort of thing. My main thing is having obsessive interests. I know a few girls with mild autism/AS and honestly, often you wouldn't know. Things aren't always obvious. There are 'benefits' if you like. They won't ask if they think this outfit makes them look fat and get angry when you tell the truth, they are GENERALLY more honest and straight-forward (aspies are still people and all people can lie). They can also more easily rationalize a situation, but they still emotions as much as anybody else, can be as loving and compassionate and caring. They CAN show 'normal' human emotions, they aren't JUST interested in subjects, objects and nerdy things..
Not my experience. Ability to rationalize even the most absurd thing and most importanlty lack of any human emotions... That's crazy.
Aspies are not crazy in the typical meaning, many are very smart, but in the same time area aslo very needy and manipulative. In many ways they behave and function so differently than the rest of population that you may have an impression you are dealing with the alien, after a while you may start questioning your own sanity. It's a different sroty to have a AS friend but very different when you become intimate or invest some emotions. You are in for a big surprise then.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noworneveragain
Not my experience. Ability to rationalize even the most absurd thing and most importanlty lack of any human emotions... That's crazy.
Aspies are not crazy in the typical meaning, many are very smart, but in the same time area aslo very needy and manipulative. In many ways they behave and function so differently than the rest of population that you may have an impression you are dealing with the alien, after a while you may start questioning your own sanity. It's a different sroty to have a AS friend but very different when you become intimate or invest some emotions. You are in for a big surprise then.
I will admit I have an aspie friend who has wildly unrealistic/sort of delusional ideas about love. Like he had a crush on a certain singer-songwriter and said he loved her like his mother . Wonder if that's what you're talking about?
I totally disagree they lack human emotions. This same friend experiences very real emotions and is one of the most compassionate people I know though. I agree he wouldn't be compatible with some women but the right one would be lucky to have him. Doesn't he deserve love in his life?
easier said than done. I've never met an A.S. man IRL, knowingly anyways. Also, the A.S. men I've talked to online regularly disregard A.S. women and our experiences. the reality is most men do not have A.S. so that's who the A.S. women are likely to be dealing with.
I will admit I have an aspie friend who has wildly unrealistic/sort of delusional ideas about love. Like he had a crush on a certain singer-songwriter and said he loved her like his mother . Wonder if that's what you're talking about?
You said unreallistic. I call it crazy. It's not a real feeling, it's a simple coping mechanism to invest your feelings into somebody semi-real, somebody you will never meet, someone who can't reject you and whom you have no chance of losing.
Of course you and I both know that loving a singer you never really spent any time with, has nothing to do with any kind of love, don't we? This feeling is simply not real.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
I totally disagree they lack human emotions. This same friend experiences very real emotions and is one of the most compassionate people I know though. I agree he wouldn't be compatible with some women but the right one would be lucky to have him. Doesn't he deserve love in his life?
It's a little bit more complicated than that. Just because someone says they experience emotions or even shows them does not mean they have them.
Some AS comes across as overly compassionate or emotional, like thry are trying to compensate...
I said that before, AS maybe the best friend but to get involved with somebody like that is an emotional suicide. Why not get involved with somebody similar?
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. Wonder if that's what you're talking about?
