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Op does not want to face the painful fact that husband betrayed her, so she's trying to justify his behavior by thinking about her own bad behavior that is truly irrelevant.
However, I do know this. If my husband cheated on me when we were dating, I would not be sitting here calling him my husband. I would have parted ways with him at that point.
If you found out today that he got drunk when you were dating and had a 1 night stand, would you divorce him today for that 1 time indiscretion ?
If you found out today that he got drunk when you were dating and had a 1 night stand, would you divorce him today for that 1 time indiscretion ?
What does that have to do with anything?
I said if we were dating and he had cheated on me at that time, I would have dumped him so there would have never been a marriage. We would have never gotten to that point. If we were engaged and that happened, same thing.
Do you want me to pretend I don't have a 20yr history with him and think of that situation in a vacuum? Or am I supposed to consider our past together? Or should I pretend we have had a "perfect" marriage and then answer?
If we had the "pefect" marriage...then I don't know, I think I'd be bitter for a very, very long time. Can't say how I'd feel about staying married but it would make me feel as though I had the wool pulled over my eyes. Would I be able to get over that...probably not very quickly. Would I stay married? Well he'd have to put up with the fact that I would probably question everything in our past. I don't know how anyone could shrug their shoulders and say "oh well".
So you had sex with someone else when you were young, drunk and UNMARRIED, give it a rest already, nothing to be guilty about, you were NOT married to him.
The rest of the issue is your choice alone as to what to do about your marriage. Good Luck.
There is no way I'm feeling guilty for something that happened 15 years ago when I was single, I wouldn't feel guilty about it for 15 seconds let alone years.
really? so as long as you are not married anything is fair game? Some people on this thread have questionable morals.
I do believe that the wife shouldn't share what she did, because nothing is gained now by telling it only makes things even worse. One time cheaters should just live with the guilt, telling only hurts the other person and makes them feel inadequate, repeat offenders are another story though.
As for the affair, I would determine if the relationship is worth saving and if not, and no kids involve then bounce. If it is worth saving then get yourselves to counselling! stat.
You were 19, and you weren't yet married yet ... you you were still a kid. You're married now, and he is a grown man, who exchanged vows. I would not tell him what you did decades ago, so he can throw it back in your face .... It is NOT the same thing, and you need to release that guilt.
this thread has me thinking....I dated my wife for 10 years JUST dating...all the cheating I could have done and it would have been perfectly OK because I wasn't married yet..what a great foundation that would have been for my marriage!
He cheated as a grown ass MAN - not once, but repeatedly.
The two things are not even close to being the same.
I absolutely agree with this.
My ex DID cheat on me. Before we got married, and yes I forgave him. And we got married. Yes we did eventually split, but that had nothing to do with cheating or affairs. Totally different issue.
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