Husband cheated but I have my own guilt too (marry, single, cheating)
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You made poor choices and so has he. Get yourselves into counseling if you want to save this marriage...you've got a lot of obstacles to overcome right now.
What happens before marriage stays before marriage. You did not cheat.
Your only concern now is what you want to do with the marriage.
^^ That's right. You were a 19 year old kid, unmarried. NOT the same thing. And you should NOT bring it up. Unless you want the unnecessary drama. You're not 19 anymore.
Nope, when I was 19 I had been dating my husband for about a year. We were long distance at that time. I never got drunk as a teenager either. The first and last time that happened was last summer when I was 37yrs old. I guess I wasn't the typical teen.
However, I do know this. If my husband cheated on me when we were dating, I would not be sitting here calling him my husband. I would have parted ways with him at that point.
No, you weren't
I don't want to come off harshly, so please forgive me if I don't say this right okay?
Teenagers make mistakes - there's a huge learning curve.
One of the big mistakes they make is to cheat, especially when alcohol is involved.
If your husband, who was your boyfriend as a teen, would have cheated on you and you are sure that event would ended your feelings for him, then maybe, just maybe, he wasn't the one you were supposed to be with anyway.
Now, the same could be said for our OP - maybe this info would have kept her husband from marrying her - but we just don't know that.
If your husband, who was your boyfriend as a teen, would have cheated on you and you are sure that event would ended your feelings for him, then maybe, just maybe, he wasn't the one you were supposed to be with anyway.
Now, the same could be said for our OP - maybe this info would have kept her husband from marrying her - but we just don't know that.
If he cheated on me before marriage...no he definitely wouldn't have been the one I would have married. I dumped the guy before him because he was cheating on me (and later come to find out, I was the other woman, completely unaware...the one I thought he was cheating with was his "original" girlfriend). But yeah...told him "see ya" without a second thought.
If cheating had occured during marriage it would really depend on the situation.
I still can't buy into that. I cannot be the only person on this planet who can still think while intoxicated.
Strong guidance? I don't think it was that strong, more like my parents knew I had a good head on my shoulders and allowed me to do about anything I wanted and didn't give me a curfew. Just knowing what's safe and what wasn't safe was enough for me to understand what I should and shouldn't do, which included relationships among other things.
And that's all well and good - just saying, even the teens with good heads on their shoulders have a learning curve.
They all make mistakes, some more damaging and permanent than others - some like you fared better
And NOBODY thinks completely straight when they are drunk - nobody. Your body won't let you.
I don't know I kind of see both sides of the argument.
As the husband - I would want to know if you cheated on me 19 years ago. They may not have been married, but they were still together. I would care about this information, and the fate of our relationship might depend on it.
As the wife - What would be gained by telling him? The marriage has more pressing issues, and digging up this dirt from the past might just be throwing more gasoline on the fire. She seems remorseful, and she hasn't repeated the behavior, so I'm not sure it's worth it to make any grand confessions after all this time. Especially not if you are interested in saving this marriage.
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